Guest Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Hello folks, my name is Scott. My girlfriend and I are the quintessential right brain/left brain couple. I was a Math major in college, while she majored in English literature. She's very good in the spoken/written word, while I'm more of a numbers guy. Well, a few days ago we were having an argument. We don't argue that often, it was just a particular issue that came up, and it got pretty heated. I found myself getting frustrated because I couldn't match her verbally. She said something that really irritated me but it wasn't in any way a personal attack. It had to do with me buying a chair that she thought was uncomfortable. I lost my cool and fired back with a low blow. I said something like "well you have an ample natural cushion, so I can't see why its a problem". She was immediately taken aback with my comment and I could tell I hit a nerve. She was speechless for a moment, and then she stepped forward, slapped my face and walked away. I tried to apologize, but she gave me the silent treatment. In reality, she's not heavy at all; she just has a classic, hourglass figure, and is blessed with a full, shapely derriere. However, for some reason she is self conscious about it. I know its a cardinal sin to make insulting comments about a woman's figure, so I hope I haven't done irreparable harm here. However, I do think I really hurt her feelings. How should I go about apologizing to her? Also, I am a bit concerned that I might be losing my touch with the ladies since its the second time in the past year that I've gotten my face slapped by a woman, LOL. The previous scenario involved a breakup with my former girlfriend in a public setting...another poor choice on my part. Scott
whichwayisup Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Buy her flowers, find out her favourite perfume and tell her you're sorry...Most of all, sympathize with her, how she must have felt when you made that comment, how wrong it was of you to say that and that it won't happen again. Next time you two argue, and you feel a comment like that brewing up inside you - CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, count to 10 and breathe deeply so you don't end up saying it, hurting her feelings again. Oh and tell her you love her!! Good luck and I hope she talks to you soon. She is hurt but she'll get over it.
westernxer Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Well, a few days ago we were having an argument. We don't argue that often, it was just a particular issue that came up, and it got pretty heated. I found myself getting frustrated because I couldn't match her verbally. Next time you argue, don't try to match her verbally. Just ignore her.
Severed_Wasp Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Hmm maybe I can help--I am also an English major, while my bf is into psychology and math. We've had similar scenarios to yours in the past. What I appreciate is a straightforward apology on his part. Since we're both pretty busy, it also helped to sweeten the deal with the gift of some quality time together to smooth things over (as opposed to the cliche "buy her some flowers," although that may help depending on her interests). Don't bring up the argument during this quality time, or you'll just have to try harder next time! As far as your touch with the ladies, I think you already know--keep your cool and pick your battles wisely!
Walk Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 I think, an apology would be a good place to start. explain why you said it, why it was wrong of you to say, and that you realize it was hurtful. Then let her express her thoughts/feelings.. Then go have some passionate make up sex. I think there might be the desire for you to express how her butt really isn't "ample", and you might go over board in attempting to convince her that you really don't feel that way. There's a chance that it'll end up sounding false because you're trying too hard to convince. Just keep that in mind.
samsungxoxo Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Funny that you people say he should do all the apology and buy flowers, when she was in wrong too for being verbal also and then going physical on him by slapping him. As much as he's to blame, she's to blame also, they were both wrong.
samsungxoxo Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 As for buying her flowers, that's the same old fashion reconsilation. If that was me, I would throw them on the floor, why the need for flowers in every single argument?? What you both can do is sit down and have a mature approaches in solving each others' difference other than resulting to verbal attacks as well as her hitting you. When thing get so heated up that you or her feel like exploring take a time out and when you're all calm, explain it.
Pink_Tulip Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Ouch. Hopefully you have a forgiving gf, but this would bother me to no end. And not just the comment itself, but the fact that you felt justified in making a personal attack over something as stupid as a chair. I would never be with someone who felt that was appropriate behavior. As to how to apologize, just imagine what your gf would have to do if, during an argument, she said, 'well maybe I would be happier if your **** wasn't so darn small,' and act accordingly. Don't underestimate how painful it can be for a trusted man to attack a woman's appearance. As someone else said, learn to keep your mouth shut. Personal attacks work only to undermine trust in a relationship. A few more comments like that one, and the foundation of your relationship will be gone.
Spinderella Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Next time you argue, don't try to match her verbally. Just ignore her. LOL
miss snoopy Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Why is an "ample natural cushion" an insult? And slapping someone is violence, not something I'd ever tolerate. My ex loved my curvy derrieire and he was very vocal about this, I never took it as an insult!
melodymatters Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Sorry dude, you just broke one of the top ten relationship guy rules. Never, ever, even IMPLY that a chick is anything but svelte !!! Buy presents, apologise and quite literally : kiss her ass and tell her it's beautiful. GOOD LUcK
samsungxoxo Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Why is an "ample natural cushion" an insult? And slapping someone is violence, not something I'd ever tolerate. My ex loved my curvy derrieire and he was very vocal about this, I never took it as an insult! That's exactly what I was pointing out in my post. Insulting wrong, but she's also quilty for slapping as well. It's it was who should apology, both of them should. Why the guy doing everything, she's quilty too??
the_alchemyst Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 I also don't see what you did that was so wrong. In her language, then well, yea, maybe she thought you were trying to insult her by saying that she had a round bottom, but I still don't think that is reason enough to slap you. If she was offended, then she should have told you so and if she wanted to, be silent for a while until both she and you cooled down or something, but I simply don't see why she needed to resort to slapping you. So, if she says your have an (un)naturally ample belly, you can slap her, too? I don't think so. As Ailec said, you should apologize because you evidently made her upset, but she should apologize to you as well because if anyone was really out of line, imo, it was her and not you. I mean, my exbf was verbally challenged (not saying you are), so if he ever said something like that to me, I'd think it cute even, and not a horribly offensive remarks that warrants my slapping him in the face. But then again, maybe I wouldn't ever slap him for fear that he'd slap me back, so . . .
climbergirl Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Well, the OP originally stated that he insulted the girlfriend and that his comment was a 'low blow'. I'm guessing he knew what would piss her off and used that in the argument. It was wrong and nonconstructive. Period. In every relationship, I've known what word or insinuation can set a person off.........and it's just something you try to avoid. And possibly to some, those words or phrases seem benign, but to others it may be a sensitive issue. He knows her. We don't. So I think it's pointless to debate whether she should be upset or not. He wants to make amends. OP-I think you should just go with, "I'm sorry and didn't mean it.......I was upset and knew what would upset you!" And telling her that her a## is awesome, would help.
Guest Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 Hi guys, this is Scott, the OP. I'm just overwhelmed with the feedback you've provided; its outstanding! I'm really grateful for your taking the time to address my situation. I can tell a lot of thought went into these responses. You seem like a very intelligent and sophisticated group of folks. That is often not the case in many discussion groups. Anyway, I think I can repair things but its going to take some work. You know, the ironic thing is that her great curves were one of the first attributes that attracted me to her. She's built a lot like JLO, but with a larger bust. If I get her a makeup gift, do you think it would be appropriate for me to include lingerie as a part of it? I'm not sure. I could be a great way of expressing how I feel about her body, or it could backfire.
Spinderella Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 No don't buy her lingerie. Just be honest. Tell her you were mad and feeling that you couldnt adequately get your point across, and you said something with the intention of "getting" to her, and shutting her up. After all, everybody knows most women are sensitive about their bodies. Then tell her that you really did not mean it, or if only she knew how far from the truth of how you feel that is. I wouldnt try flattering her at this point, it would only sound insincere.
Cheshire Cat Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 You know, the ironic thing is that her great curves were one of the first attributes that attracted me to her. Mention this while apologizing. Stress the fact that you *love* her curves. Tell her you made that comment to piss her off, but did not think it would be so offending since you genuinely find her curves *beautiful* and you were kind of assuming it was obvious - so inconsiderate of you, and so on. Since the argument happened days ago I suggest that you tell her that you waited so long to bring it up because you were too worried and did not know how to apologize properly. Otherwise she might think you took the whole thing ligthly and dismissed her feelings/reaction until you understood she was very serious about it. I agree with Spinderella that buying her lingerie as a make-up present is a bad idea. On a side note, was this the first time something like this came up? If so, I also agree with the posters who said your gf overreacted. Did you have any problems in your relationship that are related to this issue? Could your gf be feeling underappreciated or put down?
mizzsmiley Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 i wouldnt really take it as an insult, i'd take it as a joke...unless you had a really mean tone when you said it..my bf says i have a fat ass all the time! and im only a size 4! it's all good...i dont take it seriously. unless she is a bit on the heavy side, she might be a little self concious, and doesnt want you to call her out like that!
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