scaredinlove Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I am his lover again, we broke up, did NC and now we are back togheter. His wife is giving him H*** and he thinks they will break up. He always telling all she says even the names she calls me. He still wants to mend his marriage he says, but I know that inhis heart he dosen't. He says he dosen't want to hink about it and it is to hard. I feel jealous most of the time and he is jealous of me too. I don't know if I make any sense... I am single now but my ex H is still trying to drive me crazy from the distance. I wish I could understand things better...I wanted to talk to my MM today but he didn't because he had enough of talking and screeming at home.He wants me to be by his side and understand his situation,but I can't. I can't obviuosly leave either. I don't even want to leave him anymore. But I should. Man for ones out there that never being in affairs just listen to me and don't start one!
Jane Doe Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 He still wants to mend his marriage he says, but I know that inhis heart he dosen't. Then why is he still there? He's got going through all the arguing and screaming for nothing. Please don't do this to yourself again. Walk away.
JamesM Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 He wants me to be by his side and understand his situation,but I can't. I can't obviuosly leave either. I don't even want to leave him anymore. Why should you understand his situation? He wants two women. One to whom he vowed to stay faithful, and one with whom he has built a life of deceit. He wants you to understand that he wants you in secret and her as his public wife. He wants you to understand that he is the victim while meanwhile he victimizes you. If he honored you, he himself would tell you to wait until he has left her. If he truly loved you, he would not let you lower yourself to the level of a secret mistress. Why can't you leave? It is easy....yet hard. The reason you can't leave is because you WON'T leave. The solution from an objective and unemotionally involved person (which you would also probably say if you were me) is to tell him that you do love him, but for the sake of yourself, his wife, and his personal self respect, you will wait until he has divorced his wife. At that point, you will be there by his side as his committed partner to whom he will now devote his love and commitment. You should also remind him that if wants you to trust him, he must begin a new life of love with you that no longer involves cheating and lies. (How long do you think the two of you will have a committed relationship after the supposed divorce before he cheats on you?) As kindly as I can tell you and since I know you know all this, you must do something similar. Doing it is impossible only because you have made it so.
herenow Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I can't obviuosly leave either. You CAN obviously leave. It's YOUR choice to stay. YOU have decided to stay in this relationship and it will continue to be this way until YOU decide to end it. YOU are in control of and responsible for YOUR actions!
whichwayisup Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Nothing has changed and now your MM has two women back in his life. End it completely with him, go no contact again. IF his marriage is over and he doesn't want his wife, he'll get a divorce. IF his marriage isn't over, and he wants to try again with her, then WHY ON EARTH is still having an affair with you???? Coz he's selfish and that's that. You know the drill, you know the pain so now the ball is in your court, you know what you're up against. Why would you want to do this to yourself?
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