Walk Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 My bf's brother just called me and wants me to run clear across town grab crap for him, go to the store and buy a bunch of stuff for him, bring him something to sit on, loan him my sleeping bag, etc.......... He's standing in line to buy a PS3 that doesn't come out til Friday (I think). It's not even for him. Its for some guy he knows. But the brother has KNOWN for over a week that he was going to be standing in line today and that it was going to be for a couple days.. WTF? He couldn't think ahead? Like maybe it's November in the big glove and it might be a wee bit cold? Ya think? This wasn't a last second thing, he agreed to do this for the guy over a week ago. UGH. So first he says can you do me a favor.. I say "sure, what?" Thinking he just needed a ride or something. Something small. Then he gives me a freaking laundry list of items to buy, get, scrounge up for him, and starts dictating where to find what and specifying that the Monster drink be sugar free, and the cigarettes be basic lights in a box, and water... OMG, he just kept going on and on.............. and get this.. and do that. Like I'm his servant or something! Hung up the phone and called my bf. Told him what his brother was pulling this time. Royally ticked my bf off. The brother had JUST (last night) asked my bf to give him (not loan) $1300 to pay off his ticket and fines so he could get his drivers license back. Then got pissed at my bf because he said no. So now my bf is calling the brother and I'm sure he's giving him a very unpleasant ear full. I hate confrontation though.. damn it. He snuck up on me when I was tired and wore out. It's the one thing I've been really working hard at getting better at, and here I go and utterly fail at putting my foot down. Ugh. Why didn't I just stop him half way through and explain that I wasn't going to, end of story. And then hung up. Why did I let him go on and on... I should've just flat out refused. I really hate being mean though. Hate telling people I can't do something when they say they really need it. And I know he's diabetic, and has bad legs, and its really cold out and it's raining... Most importantly, why am I even torturing myself about this?!? Retarded...
Ariadne Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Walk, Why don't you get the guy all the stuff and make it your good deed of the day? Ariadne
Spinderella Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Maybe these dont seem like such big favours to him as he is doing the favour for just some guy he knows, of standing in line for 2 days!
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2006 Author Posted November 16, 2006 Maybe these dont seem like such big favours to him as he is doing the favour for just some guy he knows, of standing in line for 2 days! He's getting paid to stand in line. He would NEVER do any one else a "favor" unless it benefited himself.
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2006 Author Posted November 16, 2006 Walk, Why don't you get the guy all the stuff and make it your good deed of the day? Normally I would, but past experience has taught me that this guy will see that as the 'go ahead' to ask for more and more and more......
Green Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 why dont you just blow him the next time he calls, this guy obviously thinks he can ask for anything
Touche Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 KMT, that was crude! I think Walk would be able to say no to that, wouldn't you Walk? Oh and Walk, please clear out your PM box.
Xhie Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 I dunno, I'm the type of person that would bring him his stuff. I like doing nice things for important people in my life, it makes me feel good. Everyone is different I guess though.
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2006 Author Posted November 16, 2006 why dont you just blow him the next time he calls, this guy obviously thinks he can ask for anything Well, I would've KMT, but when I got there your lips were already wrapped around it. (I'm joking.)
alphamale Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 He's standing in line to buy a PS3 that doesn't come out til Friday (I think). ... I believe it goes on sale tonite at midnite
burning 4 revenge Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Well, I would've KMT, but when I got there your lips were already wrapped around it. (I'm joking.)
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2006 Author Posted November 16, 2006 I think Walk would be able to say no to that, wouldn't you Walk? Oh and Walk, please clear out your PM box. Cleared.. And No I wouldn't do that! But I feel like he set me up. First he asks if I'm busy, then innocently asks if I can do him a favor. I thought he just wanted to get a bite to eat or something. He'd called me earlier today asking me to come hang out with him. Telling me he wanted to talk to me... but wouldn't tell me about what. So naive me, I thought it was about his exgf or something stupid, wanted to be a good person and "be there" for him if he needed to vent, or wanted some advice, or something. So after I say no I'm not busy, and yeah I can do him a favor, he then immediately launches into the "I need you to bring me a folding chair, and run to the store and pick me up cigarettes and an energy drink, and then go out to this place and grab my books in the back office." Blah blah... This is the same guy who attempted to convince my bf to dump me about 2 years ago when we were having a bad fight. The brother was living at the homeless shelter (again) and felt that if he could get me out of the picture then my bf would have to let him move in with him. And the same brother who called me up one week later and asked me to give him all kinds of money and run him around town so he could buy stuff. And the same brother who couldn't be bothered to help me take my bf to the emergency room after he blacked out on me. The brother just went home and took a nap. Didn't even call the next day to find out how my bf was. It's flesh and blood and he couldn't even pick up the phone (which my bf paid for the minutes on) to call and make sure that my bf was still alive. I'm just venting.. It's resolved. It's just stupid because both my bf and I talked to him last sunday about how he needed to start taking responsibility for his actions. And my bf said he talked to him about it again last night. The brother is 40+ years old! In the 3 years I've been dating my bf, the brother has lived at the homeless shelter for 2 and a half of those. The only times he gets a real place is when the brother guilts my bf into paying for a place for him to stay at. And the brother is really really good at laying on the guilt. He's got it down to a science. ick.
Touche Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Wow, what a winner! Maybe your b/f should stop doing so much for him and he'll stand on his own two feet. Anyway, glad you got it all resolved. And next time he asks you that question ("Are you busy?") I'd ask "Why do you ask?" Turn it around on him.
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2006 Author Posted November 16, 2006 Wow, what a winner! Maybe your b/f should stop doing so much for him and he'll stand on his own two feet. My bf doesn't give him much anymore. $20 here and there. He'd offered to help get hte brother drivers license tickets paid off when the brother originally said he'd only need $200. Now the brother is pissed at my bf because my bf won't pay $1300 to get the DL back. Long story. never mind... I'm avoiding homework.... Anyway, glad you got it all resolved. And next time he asks you that question ("Are you busy?") I'd ask "Why do you ask?" Turn it around on him. So true! Exactly what my bf said I should do. When he asks am I busy, say "Yes, what do you want". And my bf let me know that he wouldn't be hurt, or unhappy, or anythign if I flat out refused to do anything for the brother. So that's a relief.
Severed_Wasp Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 People don't learn responsibility until others stop catering to their whims. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?? *makes a face* I hope I'm not like that at 40!
DaintyPaws Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Most importantly, why am I even torturing myself about this?!? Retarded... Don't torture yourself, Walk. Torture him. How bout saying "Yea, sure. Will do it for you." Then say you forgot. That'll teach him. If doing those things for a loved one, maybe. But I don't think any loved ones would have the audicity to ask that.
InLimbo2 Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 the guy is homeless - what in the world would he need a driver's license for?
Author Walk Posted November 16, 2006 Author Posted November 16, 2006 the guy is homeless - what in the world would he need a driver's license for? Ironic... His only skills in life center around driving taxi's. When he does have a job, that is the only kind of job he has. Driving. So no license means no job. But it never matters.. even when he does have a job, he still can't seem to pay his bills.. How bout saying "Yea, sure. Will do it for you." Then say you forgot. I seriously contemplated telling him I forgot, and going the passive aggressive approach. But I'm trying hard to break from my deep seated PA roots. Actually, I'm just chicken and didn't want to be called out on it later. Avoidance vs passive aggressive behavior. Wow. I'm all kinds of messed in the head.
Spinderella Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 the guy is homeless - what in the world would he need a driver's license for? I agree with this. If you act as useless as he does, you won't be any use to him anymore.
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