What now?

[GreenEyedLady]

KA: You should probably move this to OW Forum...you'll hear from the other side over there too and it's a more appropriate area for the thread...GEL

[GirlFromOz]

Please do not call his wife. Firstly, he is the one that has made vows & promises to her that have been broken so it is his place to choose whether to confirm her suspicions or not. You have not ever made any promises to her, so you do not have any responsibilities to her.

 

Secondly, it is fairly obvious from your posts that her suspicions are very strong and backed up by evidence (text messages etc), so she knows that he has been having an affair & does not need to be humiliated even more by being taken by surprise at receiving a call from you.

 

Thirdly, the only reason you could have for calling her would be revenge because it must feel as if she has 'won', but if you feel the need to seek revenge, please seek it on MM, not his wife - she is the innocent party in all this and never asked to be placed in the position she now finds herself in.

[Trialbyfire]

Please do not call his wife. Firstly, he is the one that has made vows & promises to her that have been broken so it is his place to choose whether to confirm her suspicions or not. You have not ever made any promises to her, so you do not have any responsibilities to her.

 

Secondly, it is fairly obvious from your posts that her suspicions are very strong and backed up by evidence (text messages etc), so she knows that he has been having an affair & does not need to be humiliated even more by being taken by surprise at receiving a call from you.

 

Thirdly, the only reason you could have for calling her would be revenge because it must feel as if she has 'won', but if you feel the need to seek revenge, please seek it on MM, not his wife - she is the innocent party in all this and never asked to be placed in the position she now finds herself in.

Exactly. If your motivations were completely pure and you were a good friend of hers, it would be one thing.

 

I have to say that the MM in the middle of the triangle is the one who should bear the brunt of all this damage. The OW also needs to take her share of the burden because she knew he was married but still proceeded forward, whether the MM pushed the situation or not.

[outofdarkness]

I'll stick to basics but just wanted some feedback. I was "seeing" a married man for awhile, a long while. A lot of the things happened that occur during an affair. I am not married. Well, wife finally got suspicious and the MM ended it this last Sunday. Yes, it was heart wrenching. Promises made. things said and done. Typical things with having a relationship with a MM. My question is, even though wife has suspiscions, what do you all think of wife getting a phone call confirming those suspiscions? My reasons are many trust me, but I am just curious as to who would want to know or not. Actually, I am also questioning where do I go from here too?

Would you rather know than live with those suspiscions? What do you recommend?

Thanks for the feedback?

Definately, I would want to know. I received a letter in the mail over two years ago from the "friend" of the main 10 year OW..It was devastating, but turned our lives around for the better...eventually. The pain was and still is excruciating, but it has explained so many things over the years that I just could not piece together...My personal opinion is that withholding information is just like telling a lie...Just MY opinion. I feel so strongly that if you know of a friend who is being unfaithful, find a way to tell them. It can be anonymously...but it should be done. I understand all of the reasons NOT to tell, and they too, are valid, but the W still has the right to know so that SHE can make life altering decisions about her future, and quite possibly life SAVING decisions. There are so many serial cheaters out there who expose entire families to all sorts of illnesses, not just stds...Every time they are with an OW, there is the chance that he will go home to his family and pass it on...It happens more then you think..I would NOT do a phone call, but rather an anymous letter with a P.O box for return mail..If she requests to call you and you feel comfortable with that, then do so...Just remember that there is alot of anger in the beginning, and not everyone is..well...emotionally sound..Be careful and think about it before you make actually tell her...I don't have time this morning to read all of the other posts, but I would definately quesitons what exactly your motives are for telling her...Good luck

[Guest]

Please do not call his wife. Firstly, he is the one that has made vows & promises to her that have been broken so it is his place to choose whether to confirm her suspicions or not. You have not ever made any promises to her, so you do not have any responsibilities to her.

 

Secondly, it is fairly obvious from your posts that her suspicions are very strong and backed up by evidence (text messages etc), so she knows that he has been having an affair & does not need to be humiliated even more by being taken by surprise at receiving a call from you.

 

Thirdly, the only reason you could have for calling her would be revenge because it must feel as if she has 'won', but if you feel the need to seek revenge, please seek it on MM, not his wife - she is the innocent party in all this and never asked to be placed in the position she now finds herself in.

 

Leave it to the man to tell his wife, he will only tell what he wants to tell her. That's still lying. This is the same thing that women do when we meet a man for the first time. A man will put everything on his ex girl or ex wife and the new woman will think "wow, I am not like her." But when they breakup and she thinks about how beautiful it started and how it ended, she realizes that she is just like the ex girl or ex wife because she is dealing with the same man.

 

I know that there had been times that I thought I was a better woman and never talked to the ex girl. But after it ended, I would have given anything to have done a background check on the guy first.

 

I mean, employers do that all the time. So we as people should do that in relationships.

 

I say this because I believe that a wife should hear from the woman.

 

The motive is there to HIDE IT because if Kymberann hides it, then it allows him to come back into her life and allows him to keep hurting Kymberann and his wife. So I say tell..

 

As an OW, I told and I reclaimed my power and gave both of them what they said they wanted. I felt good to finally release his lie and let go of the pain.

 

OW hurt worst than any other.