Notexan1 Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I was with my "ex" for 4.5 years. Within this time we had at most 3 arguments. We had a wonderful union. Something happened about 3 months ago and she needed space and was afraid of where our relationship was going. She never told me about her fears and just let then stew. Meanwhile while I thought things were fine I was trying to make a name for myself with work and started working long days on stressful jobs. During this time she cheated on me twice with the same person. I am trying to forgive her actions. The cheating is the easy part to forgive. The lying is not and the breech in our friendship and trust is the hardest. We split up and I kicked her out when I discovered of her deceitful actions. However, my feelings have not changed for her. maybe because in the midst of her "questioning" I was making payments on an engagement ring. Or maybe I really do love this girl unconditionally. So, I blamed myself for her leaving our relationship. I thought I didn’t show my feeling enough so I tried to start this over with romantic dates and such. This did surprise her but only made me feel worse due to the questioning and doubt in my mind. I then, tried to separate myself completely for her life. Unfortunately, we have the same friends and move in the same circles so we are destined to run into each other. And we did... since our break up about 3 months ago we have spent nearly every weekend and every evening together during the week at my house. Things were sort of back to normal however, the little things were gone, you know the little things that make you smile about a person when they aren’t there. I finally was getting fed up with questioning our place; everyday... And asked her where she saw us.... "I don’t know," So I ask her a hypothetical... If you were to introduce me to someone, how would you do it without giving my name... "I don’t know," After that response I ask her if there is no definition of our relationship then why are you here..." I love you and care a lot about you and love spending time with you but don’t want to be in a relationship right now. I don’t know what I want right now, but I’m not looking anywhere else..... My advice to her was the she will never know what she wants if she continues to spend time with me. I can’t play the fool any longer; I can’t go thru the pain again if she chooses that she would be happier with someone else. I hope I made a wise choice... I am always afraid that my timing is off.... Have I driven her away? Will she come around? I can’t make these decisions for her and I can’t put my life on hold... We were planning on spending Thanksgiving together with her family but I don’t think so now... its unfortunate, since they were really hoping she was coming around... they love me... who gets care packages from ex's parents... Lost, confused and unhappy… advice?
amaysngrace Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 She sounds confused and she's dragging you into the confusion. No offense, but I think she maybe views you differently because you were so quick to forgive her cheating. She obviously wasn't affected by it, or else she'd have never gone back for Round 2 with the guy, ya know? I highly doubt she is sorry. And she may see you as weak now, because you're kind. If I were you, I'd try my best to cut off all contact with her. If mutual friends bring her up, I'd ask them to please not tell me about her. I wouldn't rearrange my life to avoid her, though. She acted like a slut. You just worked your butt off...no shame in that! Honestly, I'd cut my losses and move on from this girl.
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