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She cancelled the second date


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Posted

Last night I was suppose to have a second date with a girl I went out with last week. But a few hours before the date she called and told me she had to cancel because of she had a lot more to do with her job than she had planned. Now I do realize she has a very busy job especially this time of year (she is an assistant womens college basketball coach). I think she was being legit with me at least I hope. My question is what do I do now. Should I wait for a few days and call her to try and re-schedule? or should I wait on her to do something since she was the one that canceled?

 

She did ask what the rest of my week looked like, and I said I should be free, but we didn't reschedule cause she still seemed unsure about how much time she will have the rest of the week. I don't want to seem pushy, so should I just wait on her or give it a few days and call her myself? thanks

Posted

I wouldn't call her before Saturday, especially after admitting you have no plans for the whole week...who does that? Even if it's true that you have no plans, you never, NEVER say that. Okay?

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Posted

Okay, I apologize if this is a stupid question but why was it wrong of me to admit to not having plans? I was just letting her know that the rest of the week was open for me in case she was able to reschedule something. Honestly her life is much more busier than mine with her job as a college basketball coach and all. Even on the first date I had to work things around her work schedule.

Posted
Okay, I apologize if this is a stupid question but why was it wrong of me to admit to not having plans?

 

It makes you seem like you have no life. And it puts undue pressure on the other person because maybe she's going to feel like your whole world is going to revolve around her. While it's a nice thought and all, who really wants a partner they have to entertain?

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Posted

I do see your point. I don't think I came across this way towards her although I might have. I will take your suggestion and hold off on calling her until Sunday or Monday. Anyone else have any ideas? Thanks

Posted

She's not interested. Even if she had a legitimate reason, if she really wanted to meet up she'd find time or suggest a time. Whether or not she was lying or telling the truth about the reason for cancelling is irrelevant. People who are genuinely interested won't flake. If I were you I wouldn't bother calling her again.

Posted
She's not interested. Even if she had a legitimate reason, if she really wanted to meet up she'd find time or suggest a time. Whether or not she was lying or telling the truth about the reason for cancelling is irrelevant. People who are genuinely interested won't flake. If I were you I wouldn't bother calling her again.

Amen. A cancelled date is conclusive proof that she isn't interested in you (unless she has a major family emergency). Flush the number and move on.

Posted

just to give u hope incase it isnt over, a girl once completly stood me up for my second date with her only to go on the second date with me that next week and I scored with her. It made no sense but I just tried to get that second date, but I acted like a real ass to her to get that second date. Like after she stood me up I told her I wasnt going to set any plans with her again and she could just call me if she wanted to do anything. So maybe you have to give her attitude now that she cancled on you like make her work. I just did it naturaly because I was pissed it wasnt part of some master plan I had to score with her. but I would probably keep looking for other fish in that sea if I were u

Posted

She'd make time if you were a basketball.

 

But you're not, and that's that.

Posted

firstly I agree with never ever saying you have no plans. Best reponse even if you have none is "the rest of my week, nothing that can't be changed, all pretty flexible arrangements." If you do have something on a certain time, say can't change xyz but the rest is pretty flexible.

 

And secondly, a quick call of hey how ya doin, Thursday (or whatever) is good for me, wanna catch up for dinner (lunch or whatever) and if she says no can do then just say ok well I would like to see you again so why donlt you call me when you are free.

 

Then you carry on your life as normal, go on other dates etc etc and if she calls she calls if she doesn't she doesn't. This way you are giving her the benefit of the doubt (she may be shy or feels it too presumptious to call you) etc and if she isn't interested she feels no pressure to saythanks but no thanks. Personally I always said if I wanted to see someone again or not cos that is what I would expect but I realise not everyone is as upfront as me.

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Posted

Thanks for the advice everyone. I will say that I am going to try once more maybe Sunday. The reason being just because I was once involved with college athletics as well and I know how things can be especially for the coaches during the season. Basketball is especially harder cause you sometimes play 3 times a week.

 

Also whenever we went out the first time she said that was the first date she had been on since August which shocked me cause she is a real cute girl. She did seem genuinely interested in seeing me again which is why I believe she is being legit with me. Once again I may be all wrong but I think giving it one last shot wouldn't hurt. Plus being a former basketball player its difficult finding someone that enjoys it and knows it just as much as me, so I can't give up on her that easily. :)

Posted

Yup #1 rule NEVER say "oh i have no plans all week" because you won't look like an interesting person and you will look like you will become hooked on her as you have nothing else in your life.

 

Even if you have nothing on , tell a lie. She won't know.

 

I seen a girl for the 2nd time last night , she had to do 2 things before she seen me which were important , and she told me she rushed home as she was going to be late lol. She texted me saying she was going to be late by 15mins , but it didn't matter anyway...so was i.

Posted
She's not interested. Even if she had a legitimate reason, if she really wanted to meet up she'd find time or suggest a time. Whether or not she was lying or telling the truth about the reason for cancelling is irrelevant. People who are genuinely interested won't flake. If I were you I wouldn't bother calling her again.

 

 

This may be true in alot of cases but you know what I had a date for tonight and I cancelled on him this morning because I have the flu. Now that wasn't just an excuse and I would really like to get together with this guy but how attractive will I really be coughing up a lung and feeling like I am going to die. Not very!!! Honestly give it a couple of days then call her, when you do call her judge by her reaction as to how she feels about you. Just because a girl cancels doesn't always mean it is a dealbreaker or that she is not interested but then again it could mean that but you will never know if you don't call her.

Posted
She'd make time if you were a basketball.

 

But you're not, and that's that.

:lmao: :lmao: ..:lmao: :lmao:

Posted
This may be true in alot of cases but you know what I had a date for tonight and I cancelled on him this morning because I have the flu. Now that wasn't just an excuse and I would really like to get together with this guy but how attractive will I really be coughing up a lung and feeling like I am going to die. Not very!!! Honestly give it a couple of days then call her, when you do call her judge by her reaction as to how she feels about you. Just because a girl cancels doesn't always mean it is a dealbreaker or that she is not interested but then again it could mean that but you will never know if you don't call her.

 

Cancelling because of the flu is different than cancelling because of having "a lot more to do with her job than she had planned".

Posted

franklyn02,

 

What was the first date like? You don`t say. If you feel you had a real good connection with her, and really think it through...ok, then maybe there is nothing to lose by giving it another shot. Even against the odds.

 

She mentioned she had not been on a date since August. Maybe this thing is worth a shot yet. But, if the first date was mediocre, probably not much to hope for.

Posted

If someone cancelled a date with me to work or had various excuses, I wouldn't want to call them again anyway.

 

Where's your pride, man??

Posted
Where's your pride, man??

 

Word........

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Posted

Road Rage,

 

I felt that the date went well. We had dinner and coffee afterwards. We had good conversation and we have a ton in common because of our athletic backgrounds, which is something I don't come across often. There was some flirting going on. I will say we are both shy people I could tell she was and I'll admit that I am as well. At the end of the night she told me she had a nice time and that should we be interested in seeing me again. I hugged her and that was the end of that.

 

There is one thing that really surprised me about her and I don't know if this has any connection to what happened or not, but she is almost 28 years old and the longest relationship she has ever been in has been 3 months. If you could see this girl you wouldn't be able to believe that. She is probably the most attractive girl that I have been out with this whole year. If 3 months is the longest relationship she has ever been in then maybe she has a history of canceling dates with guys or putting her job ahead of everything else in her life. What do you think?

Posted
If 3 months is the longest relationship she has ever been in then maybe she has a history of canceling dates with guys or putting her job ahead of everything else in her life. What do you think?

Bingo! She is getting her self-worth and validation from her job at this point in her life. She is not at the same place your are as far as wanting a relationship.

Posted

I don't believe in games. I don't think you have to be so careful with every little thing that you say that you starting making up crap. I mean, if you're free the rest of the week, it's okay to say 'I think I might be able to do something this week, did you have a day in mind?' I agree that saying you're always available makes you look a bit dull, but don't overdo it and don't over-analyze things. She didn't back out on you because you were free the rest of the week, she backed out on you because she's got priorities in her life that are higher than you, and you might want to take that as your cue to kindly move on.

 

She may very well be busy with basketball, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. It's just that as far as you're concerned, it's wrong because it means you'll have to take a back seat to her basketball career. Me, I wouldn't take a back seat to her career, but perhaps if she were really interesting and you guys really clicked...I don't know. But to be honest, I doubt that there was enough of a bond established on a first date to really say that you clicked to that extent. Only you would know, though.

 

But here's your real bottom line: she broke the date. And if she breaks the date, that means that she has to be the one to at least make the effort to re-schedule or at least pick up the phone and call and see what's going on. If she can't do that, like in the next few days, then you need to move on.

Posted
Last night I was suppose to have a second date with a girl I went out with last week. But a few hours before the date she called and told me she had to cancel because of she had a lot more to do with her job than she had planned. Now I do realize she has a very busy job especially this time of year (she is an assistant womens college basketball coach). I think she was being legit with me at least I hope. My question is what do I do now. Should I wait for a few days and call her to try and re-schedule? or should I wait on her to do something since she was the one that canceled?

 

She did ask what the rest of my week looked like, and I said I should be free, but we didn't reschedule cause she still seemed unsure about how much time she will have the rest of the week. I don't want to seem pushy, so should I just wait on her or give it a few days and call her myself? thanks

 

One the basic rules-of-thumb is that if she cancels without rescheduling, or without suggesting a reasonable scenario for you to reschedule, then GAME IS OVER. Move on. Sad as it is, just move on.

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