not a soulmate Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I am new to this website but have really appreciated reading all the insightful advice contributed to people in need. After a few weeks of being a bystander, I developed the nerve to ask a question. I met a MM I fell in love with. I mean really in love with. I can't stop thinking of him and I fantasize all the time about being with him. We are in an active affair which I probably would not have done - but he professed to have the same feelings for me. He told me that he "never met anyone like me" all that kind of stuff. He has two children that will be out of the house in a couple of years (about 5) and has asked me to wait until they're gone before us getting together. He claims he already laid the ground work with his wife telling her that he wants to "do something different" when the kids are gone and that he has options he wants to explore. Here's the problem. I have the feeling he is being insincere with me and he is probably handing the same line of lies to other women. For some reason, I feel like there is one in his Kiwanis club, his bowling team and that he is extremely attentive to his wife unlike his claims of distance from her. Here is my question: Is it more common than I realize to have more than one woman? Is it a very SMALL chance that he is being truthful with me? I hate to think men would be that shallow as I know MY feelings are genuine - but why would a guy just take a woman for "a ride" when she is worshiping him and he knows full well it will devastate her to find out he was telling her these very meaningful statements knowing how much it will hurt me when I learn the truth. I can't believe men could be so cruel. Someone help me understand...?
Another Guest Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 In a nutshell, yes. He wants to wait 5 years before he can commit? Tell him to call you when he's divorced, because it's not happening, he's feeding you a common BS line that all MM feed to OW to give them hope. Be smart and tell him you'll see him when his divorce papers are signed. Oh, and as far as telling his wife he wants to try something new when the kids go off to college - he's probably thinking of taking up golf.
noforgiveness Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 but why would a guy just take a woman for "a ride" when she is worshiping him and he knows full well it will devastate her to find out he was telling her these very meaningful statements knowing how much it will hurt me when I learn the truth. I can't believe men could be so cruel. Someone help me understand...? Your question really stood out to me. Because he's selfish. He's not thinking of anything else.Don't you think his actions with you will devastate his wife and kids? He apparently doesn't care about devastating his family so why would he be worried about devastating you? Are you really ready to put your life on hold for FIVE years and have a secret relationship for FIVE years? Don't waste a minute of living on this man. Go have fun. Enjoy life and leave this cheat behind. How old are you? How old is he?
stillafool Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Yes you are being naive. He is giving you the old 5 year line because he knows that's a long time and who knows what will happen in your life by then. In the meantime he is enjoying you and you are building his ego by "worshiping" him. I guarantee you he is attentive to his wife and has not told her he wants to move out in 5 years. This guy is poison for you and is selfish enough to want you to waste 5 years of your life waiting for something that will probably never happen. Break it off until you see divorce papers!!
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 5 years? If you wait for this MM that long to 'decide' what he wants, you are going to waste your life! Get out now. The chances of him actually leaving are so slim!
Chapter2 Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I was asked to wait 18 years...really...18 years! He asked me to wait this long with a completely straight face. 18 years is a lifetime for some people and I'm now saddened to know that I allowed myself to wait one year. Read through others posts...waiting on them equals enabling them to stay in their marriage. You are worth so much more than that. I know those are just words to you as they were to me and I know you love him very much, but he is sacrificing your life to suit his agenda and his timetable. Love doesn't go on probation...if he wants to be with you, he will. The quickest and surest way to find that out is to go no contact and not allow him to have the luxury of having both you and his wife. He is currently having 100% of his needs met by being involved with both of you and that just doesn't happen in real life. If you find that he stays, which realistically most MM do stay with their wives, then you are so much better off cutting him out of your heart now. Believe me when I say that I know it feels like part of your flesh is being torn away. Its very painful. But...you will find that slowly you gain your self respect, character and strength back. Being someone's "other" slowly but surely causes you to believe that you truly aren't worth being someone's "only"... its like a disease and you realize one day that your self worth and self respect are ebbing away because the very one that claims to love you more than anything insists on keeping you a secret. You are worth more than that. I am new to this website but have really appreciated reading all the insightful advice contributed to people in need. After a few weeks of being a bystander, I developed the nerve to ask a question. I met a MM I fell in love with. I mean really in love with. I can't stop thinking of him and I fantasize all the time about being with him. We are in an active affair which I probably would not have done - but he professed to have the same feelings for me. He told me that he "never met anyone like me" all that kind of stuff. He has two children that will be out of the house in a couple of years (about 5) and has asked me to wait until they're gone before us getting together. He claims he already laid the ground work with his wife telling her that he wants to "do something different" when the kids are gone and that he has options he wants to explore. Here's the problem. I have the feeling he is being insincere with me and he is probably handing the same line of lies to other women. For some reason, I feel like there is one in his Kiwanis club, his bowling team and that he is extremely attentive to his wife unlike his claims of distance from her. Here is my question: Is it more common than I realize to have more than one woman? Is it a very SMALL chance that he is being truthful with me? I hate to think men would be that shallow as I know MY feelings are genuine - but why would a guy just take a woman for "a ride" when she is worshiping him and he knows full well it will devastate her to find out he was telling her these very meaningful statements knowing how much it will hurt me when I learn the truth. I can't believe men could be so cruel. Someone help me understand...?
Jane Doe Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I have the feeling he is being insincere with me and he is probably handing the same line of lies to other women. That feeling you're having is your gut--your common sense and rationality. Listen to it. I hate to think men would be that shallow as I know MY feelings are genuine - but why would a guy just take a woman for "a ride" when she is worshiping him and he knows full well it will devastate her to find out he was telling her these very meaningful statements knowing how much it will hurt me when I learn the truth. I can't believe men could be so cruel. It happens all the time. Chapter2 gave some excellent advice, as did the others. I hope you listen.
IzzyisDizzy001 Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Your heart doesn't want to believe it but your gut is screaming the truth... listen to it.
NoIDidn't Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I have the feeling he is being insincere with me and he is probably handing the same line of lies to other women. For some reason, I feel like there is one in his Kiwanis club, his bowling team and that he is extremely attentive to his wife unlike his claims of distance from her. Go with this. Your gut is telling you the absolute truth. You said it yourself first "handing the same line of lies to other women". He just wants you to continue to worship him. Don't let this guy ruin you and break your heart.
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