How do I get him back? (NC or another option- i need some insight )

[gonetildecember]

My ex and I broke up in June officially, we were dating since February. I’m 20 he’s 23. The reason for the break up was quite complicated- it involved his ex, someone stalking the both of us and trying to break us up (whom I still believe was his ex), and a lot of other drama. I will try to make it as simple as possible.

 

We officially ended in June 11th, 2006, when I found out he was still closely tied to his ex-girlfriend. Because of complications with her, and someone hacking into his mail and following us, he said we should take a break until everything got figured out.

 

Right after everything went down, we barely spoke, I still very much wanted to be together through everything despite all that had happened, while he wanted space to figure things out. He would not answer when I called barely responded to texts and would call sporadically.

 

On June 23rd, I found out that I was 5 weeks pregnant and we spoke over the phone about it, I told him that since we weren’t together it wasn’t a good idea that I keep it and I didn’t think that we should talk. He said he agreed. I was devastated and I thought we were over.

 

The next day I was out of town, and he texted saying he wanted to talk; I said ok, and he texted again and told me to call him, which I did. We generally talked about how I was feeling and casual stuff, like his day, and that was all.

 

When I tried to contact him few days later he went back to ignoring me, I would text or even try to call every few days with no response.

 

Finally on July 3rd he called and I said I wanted to meet him to talk everything through, he said ok to call him later, when I did. NO RESPONSE. I was pissed and left an angry message on his machine, calling him childish, immature and heartless.

 

At 6 in the morning he called the next day, we talked for about 3 and half hours about him not answering and just generally how things were going with us. He came to see me at around 10 and we talked and hung out for a few hours, and ended up having sex. Right after he left, he texted and said he didn’t think sex was a good idea, as we weren’t really together and it’s hard to separate sex from feelings when feelings are clearly there. I said fine, and once again tried to contact him every few days with no response.

 

On July 23rd I called him at 11pm after my first attempt at a date- I missed him all the way through it, he answered and said he would call back in a few minutes, he never did. In the morning on my way to work, he called and said he wanted to see me, he came down and I tried to act as nonchalant as possible, we ended up sleeping together again, but this time I did not bring up feelings, I even talked about my date.

 

The next day he texted me frantic wanting to know who I went on the date with, where and how long it took… eventually it got to him revealing that I could date whoever but that he wanted me to keep the baby! I was shocked and said we had to talk.

So began our twisted affiliation, we decided to give ourselves a few weeks to think about the baby, he became into things, calling at least once a day at first. We would see each other a few times a week, I would always hint that I wanted to be together, but kept it low key. Eventually we talked every few days, but usually always on his terms, if I called sometimes he answered otherwise he was the one calling. We decided we could not keep the baby just because I’m still in school and he works a lot, so on August 22nd, we had an abortion, he was there with me and was very supportive.

 

About a week later I got into a panic that this would change how he was with me and called him telling him I wanted to talk about “us”, he said to call him at 9, he didn’t pick up. I waited an hour and then texted him saying basically he’s an ass, not there when I need him. I was very heated, but his inconsistency was driving me crazy.

 

We went nearly 2 weeks without talking, I refused to call or text, Finally he called out of the blue ( I thought it was over), and said he missed me basically and wanted to know what was new, he came over and stayed the night, but mainly we ended up talking. I told him I was casually seeing someone else. For the next week or so he called everyday, came over maybe 3 times that week, all the while I kept telling him that since he wasn’t serious about getting back together I would continue seeing the other guy.

 

About two weeks later I broke down and whenever I would see him I would mention that I wanted him back and would stop talking to the other guy if he gave us a chance again, this pushed him away I could feel and we only talked about twice a week.

 

For the past month or so, we’ve talked about one or twice a week, seeing each other maybe once a week. On his terms again, he knows things are over with the other guy. He claims he isn’t with anyone, but he’s lied about it before, and I don’t know, I don’t know what could be holding him back.

 

What made me finally break is we just went 3 weeks without seeing each other, he called me once and asked if he could come visit I said yes, but he never showed up and didn’t call, I called that night with no response. Then I called Saturday he picked up and we made plans for Sunday- he didn’t call Sunday, I left him a message- no response.

 

Then on Thursday, I called him (blocked- lol) about 4 times, leaving no messages, I know he knew it was me, but said nothing, and called at 1:00 am, I went over and we talked, and basically once again throughout the night I harped on the fact that he isn’t around, and asked if he didn’t think I was good enough and so on. And he maintained that he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend- I think it’s because right before me he ended a relationship of 5 years and it was complicated, or maybe he’s just trying to spare my feelings by not telling me it’s over

 

I just don’t know how it’s possible for him to be around sometimes, disappear the next. He’s so into it when he’s here and I know he has a lot on his plate, he works 7 days a week 9-10 hours a day but he always found time in the past. I made it clear I was willing to wait until he was ready, but I know he also feels pressured because I subconsciously push him to make a decision.

 

I haven’t told him I loved him in a while, he said it last week and said he missed being my boyfriend, but this confuses me even more.

 

I was thinking of trying the NC thing, but I don’t know... anyone have any ideas? Insight? Perspective?

[tdmce]

I think the NC thing is a really good idea. You both can't sort out your true feelings for each other if you still have so much contact and still sleep together once in awhile. Where is his motivation to give you any sort of relationship?

 

Go NC, remove his cell phone number from your phone, jot it down on a piece of paper so you have it in the future if you must keep it. But at least this will stop you from easily texting him when you are drunk or just feel like saying hi.

 

Give it at least 2 months before getting back in contact, focus on yourself for awhile.

[gonetildecember]

thanks for your input.. i think it is a good idea, although i find it so hard to just break contact... we'll see how it goes tho.