lovelythoughts Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 As a single mother of a little girl... getting into the dating scene seemed rather difficult. Then I met a man that seemed to be everything I was ever looking for... and even more. My daugheter upon our meeting was only about 9 months old... and he didn't seem to mind. We shared good times and bad... and despite his saying that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend... he continued to be by my side... there for me... enjoying our time together both mentally and physically. We were together nearly every weekend... and then some. And despite his "not wanting a girlfriend"... he showed me with every date... vacation... or visit... that he enjoyed being with me... with us. Then due to some financial hardship... I was forced to move out of my home, and he allowed my daughter and myself to move into his apartment. Although rules on were set from the begining as far as relationship expectations, as well as a 90 day time frame... we were still the same as we ever were... enjoying eachothers time and company. Although there were rules, I began feeling as though we were closer than just a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario. I began sharing more... emotionally and financially, and he as well. Getting comfortable... I reached out to a family member of his of whom I never met, in an effort to throw him a suprise birthday celebration for all of his kindness and understanding. However, that was not received well by he or the family member... and in fact, the family member warned me that his intentions may not be what I assumed, and that I should be careful, and even consider moving sooner than I had expected. With these words of caution, I began finding traces that maybe I was being decieved in some way. Although we never officially commited... he called me his girl, and I called him mine... so I assumed we were a couple in a one on one relationship. But text messages and voice mails revealed that he was communicating with all as if I didn't exist. As if we were there out of charity... not that we shared any kind of loving commitment between the two of us. Frustrated as I wasn't prepared to move emootionally or finacially... I became very hard to live with... sneaking emails... text messages... anything that would allow me into the real of the situation... despite his denying any kind of infidelity. However... near my 90 day mark I became pregnant... pissing him off... and changing the dynamics of our relationship all together. He didn't want the baby... and explained that he never wanted me. He was just being nice to me because he cared for me and my child. How is this possible? How can a man allow a woman with a young child to be in a situation where he knew there was a chance that all of this could come to pass? Maybe I am just being immature in this matter, as I am 28 and he is nearly 10 years my senior... however I still am confused.
tikigods Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I have to ask, why would you, a woman of a young child, allow YOURSELF to get into a situation where all of this could pass? He has told you from the ery start that you guys aren't together, and that he did want you gone in 90 days and that he was letting you stay there since you had no where else to go. To me it seems that you were the one that kept looking for strings to hold onto to say you were a couple. Honestly if you do choose to keep the child then I wouldn't expcet any help from him anymore on any of the matters except for maybe child support. All of hte blame isn't on him for this situation as you have allowed yourself to be in there
luvtoto Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I began sharing more... emotionally and financially, and he as well. What was he doing to share with you??
rina_r Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 How is this possible? . And how is this possible that you do not take any responsibility for what has happened? Especially with getting pregnant. Dont you know about birth control?? The man did not love you and you knew that.
Guest Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 And how is this possible that you do not take any responsibility for what has happened? Especially with getting pregnant. Dont you know about birth control?? The man did not love you and you knew that. Actually.... he tells me he loves me everyday. I only made decisions on his words, not just blindly moving along. Birth control was something that we communicated on together... and unfortunately it is not fool proof.
luvtoto Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Although rules on were set from the begining as far as relationship expectations Actually.... he tells me he loves me everyday. I only made decisions on his words, not just blindly moving along. I would like to hear some of those rules. Do you mind sharing some of his words??
Author lovelythoughts Posted November 17, 2006 Author Posted November 17, 2006 I would like to hear some of those rules. Do you mind sharing some of his words?? The rules were.... I was to come there and not focus on our relationship, but on getting things back on track with professional business... which I did. Completed some courses and began the process of starting my own business... months one through three... 90 days. That I would try to be ready to move out in 90 days. Although during that time frame a few things changed, of which I communicated to him every step of the way... and he told me not to worry about the time frame, that he loved me and just to get it together. That I wouldn't allow my daughter to become close to him, which I explained was virtually impossible, as she's known him almost all of her life. She is now 2 years old. She sees him as a father figure....based on his own actions towards her. You have to understand. I never tricked or forced anything. When I moved there, we had expressed our love toward eachother, and he knew in my coming that we would only grow closer. When we are just us, he expresses how much he loves me, thoughts of getting married in a few years... all of that. But to his friends and family I am just a friend... someone who he cares for and has sex with. My family knows him, and addresses him as my boyfriend... and he doesn't deny it, nor has he ever... Besides that, he told me not to pay rent, to communicate if I eeded anything, and basically not worry about him. That he wasn't leaving me, or cheating on me. However.... I found out that those things weren't true. He stopped paying rent... forcing me in a finacial bind.... and has even become aggressive with me. All of which I am confused by. He isn't a bad person, very giving. And getting involved with him, I knew he had been single for a while.... never married, no children, at 38. Even know, after all the drama, I am still here, trying to save money to move... however, a week ago, when I had enough to move, just not to a great place, I started paking, and looked for places, and he told me to stay. Adding to my confusinon. Oh the biggest rule... NOT TO GET PREGNANT! I was originally on the pill... but he siad to get off of them as they weren't natural... so I started using the sponge. Those don't work....
rina_r Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Actually.... he tells me he loves me everyday. I only made decisions on his words, not just blindly moving along.. Actions speak louder than words. Have you heard about this???
luvtoto Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 .... and has even become aggressive with me. What do you mean?? What has he done?? I guess if you like drama, then stay with him. Some people need "the drama". Myself, I run far, far from it. I am much happier and content. Not worrying 'bout making some guy like me, or accept me...or love me. :sick:
RecordProducer Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 They say that actions speak louder than words. That's where you got deceived. But you didn't think that words spoken is also a form of action. You simply discarded his words as untrue... until you discovered actions that confirmed his statements. Did you ever ask yourself WHY he would say this? Obviously he meant it, because he knew the truth. The truth was that he wasn't really in love with you. Or he IS in love, but doesn't want to admit it. Why he allowed you to get so close, I don't know. Personal interest, loneliness, ego boost, generosity and desire to help you out... But he was honest with you. I am not saying you were a fool or he was an ass. You both sound like good people. There is only one way for you to find out if he truly loves you: move out and break up. If he wants you, he will commit to you. If not, you were wasting your time anyway. As long as you are staying in a situation you're not quite comfortable with, you're ruining whatever is between the two of you. He has to take responsibility for his actions. If he wants other girls, he can have them, but he can't have YOU, too. He can't have his cake and eat it, too. Show some self-respect and remove yourself from a humiliating position before it's too late.
luvtoto Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 As long as you are staying in a situation you're not quite comfortable with, you're ruining whatever is between the two of you. I second that!
Author lovelythoughts Posted November 17, 2006 Author Posted November 17, 2006 They say that actions speak louder than words. That's where you got deceived. But you didn't think that words spoken is also a form of action. You simply discarded his words as untrue... until you discovered actions that confirmed his statements. Did you ever ask yourself WHY he would say this? Obviously he meant it, because he knew the truth. The truth was that he wasn't really in love with you. Or he IS in love, but doesn't want to admit it. Why he allowed you to get so close, I don't know. Personal interest, loneliness, ego boost, generosity and desire to help you out... But he was honest with you. I am not saying you were a fool or he was an ass. You both sound like good people. There is only one way for you to find out if he truly loves you: move out and break up. If he wants you, he will commit to you. If not, you were wasting your time anyway. As long as you are staying in a situation you're not quite comfortable with, you're ruining whatever is between the two of you. He has to take responsibility for his actions. If he wants other girls, he can have them, but he can't have YOU, too. He can't have his cake and eat it, too. Show some self-respect and remove yourself from a humiliating position before it's too late. Thank you for all of your words. You are one of the only ones that sounds like you actually have a sense of compasion and understanding. I know what I have to do, and only hope I am strong enough to do it.
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