Guest Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 After reading numerous posts from people coping with a breakup, I am curious if you think you contribute to your own misery. I know that I have. I think one of the worst things you can do to yourself after a relationship fails is to put that person/relationship on a pedistal. By that I mean, projecting onto the person/relationship the idea that it was something so unique that you will never find again. I think this prevents letting that person go. Of course all of our relationship are unique, thats the thing, they ALL are unique. Yes, this person may have been the love of your life, but I think it is a choice to give them that label and therefore that much power over your happiness now that they are gone from your life. Do you really think we only get ONE chance to be happy. Why would you set yourself up to fail? No thanks! They were the love of your life, who's next? It makes me so sad to hear about all of these people pining away over someone years later. I just lost the person I wanted to spend my life with. No way in hell will I still be pining for him years later. Know why? There's so much life out there. Yes it is a HUGE loss and sadness, but I have to ask, why choose to be MISERABLE for years? It is a choice that we feed into. When we break up, isnt it because there was a breakdown in communication? Be it needs werent meant, thought we wanted the same thing/realized we didnt, etc. When you find the one you'll be with for the longterm, this doesnt happen. Isnt anyone else sick of the sadness? Grieve, be sad, cry, scream, hate, rage. Then make a choice: LET THEM GO! Stop wasting your life! You cant let the next person in if youre holding onto someone else. Im sorry if I sound insensitive or rude, but why, as the person who was d u m p e d, would I choose to not let go? Would that make my live better? No, it would not.
laRubiaBonita Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 After reading numerous posts from people coping with a breakup, I am curious if you think you contribute to your own misery. I know that I have. I think one of the worst things you can do to yourself after a relationship fails is to put that person/relationship on a pedistal. By that I mean, projecting onto the person/relationship the idea that it was something so unique that you will never find again. I think this prevents letting that person go. Of course all of our relationship are unique, thats the thing, they ALL are unique. Yes, this person may have been the love of your life, but I think it is a choice to give them that label and therefore that much power over your happiness now that they are gone from your life. Do you really think we only get ONE chance to be happy. Why would you set yourself up to fail? No thanks! They were the love of your life, who's next? It makes me so sad to hear about all of these people pining away over someone years later. I just lost the person I wanted to spend my life with. No way in hell will I still be pining for him years later. Know why? There's so much life out there. Yes it is a HUGE loss and sadness, but I have to ask, why choose to be MISERABLE for years? It is a choice that we feed into. When we break up, isnt it because there was a breakdown in communication? Be it needs werent meant, thought we wanted the same thing/realized we didnt, etc. When you find the one you'll be with for the longterm, this doesnt happen. Isnt anyone else sick of the sadness? Grieve, be sad, cry, scream, hate, rage. Then make a choice: LET THEM GO! Stop wasting your life! You cant let the next person in if youre holding onto someone else. Im sorry if I sound insensitive or rude, but why, as the person who was d u m p e d, would I choose to not let go? Would that make my live better? No, it would not. TRY explaining this to me after i am wasted and see how effective it is!
KittenMoon Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Haven't seen one of these in a while...... Gee thanks, anonymous poster!!! Why didn't we all see the light before?! :rolleyes:
Art_Critic Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 TRY explaining this to me after i am wasted and see how effective it is! Of course we contribute to our own misery.. if we didn't and just ignored that the loss of something special hurts then we are creating baggage that will only come back and bite you later.. Also.. if someone just feels nothing.. that to me is worse.. what type of person feels nothing after losing something that meant something to them? cold...
laRubiaBonita Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 after losing something that meant something to them? cold........cold beer?
Art_Critic Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 .....cold beer? Cold nights alone with cold beer...cold hearts...
Guest Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Of course we contribute to our own misery.. if we didn't and just ignored that the loss of something special hurts then we are creating baggage that will only come back and bite you later.. Also.. if someone just feels nothing.. that to me is worse.. what type of person feels nothing after losing something that meant something to them? cold... I didnt say anything about not being sad, feeling nothing, etc., in fact if you read the last paragraph, thats exactly what I said. I know two people that have been hung up on a person for 10 years...that to me is very sad. One of them made a comment to me about making the situation worse, and preventing herself from getting over the person by putting her ex in the realm of the unreplaceable. I just question why, for the long term, anyone would choose to do this, if they understand that it is a choice. It completely prevents you from truly moving on. I know breakups SUCK...I've been through my share and am going through another one right now. I just saw a name for a trap that people can fall into and wanted to talk about it.
luvtoto Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Isnt anyone else sick of the sadness? Grieve, be sad, cry, scream, hate, rage. Then make a choice: LET THEM GO! Stop wasting your life! You cant let the next person in if youre holding onto someone else. Im sorry if I sound insensitive or rude, but why, as the person who was d u m p e d, would I choose to not let go? Would that make my live better? No, it would not. I agree, Guest. It's time to move on.
Art_Critic Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 hung up on a person for 10 years...that to me is very sad. It is... most likely they should've sought some therapy.. I was over my 5 year marriage before the smile on my face was gone.. but I have had a tough time getting over someone before.. I don't think we can pick which person is going to have a profound effect on us.. With me.. I was tired of losing people in my life that I cared for.. my parents.. my grandparents.. my dog.. some of my relationships with my siblings.. It was then I decided.. no more.. I tried everything to correct the issues and get her back..she would have nothing to do with me but because I was so set on not feeling anymore pain from loss I dragged out the pain. The good thing about it is that I really improved my life..even though she never knew it..or got the benefit from it I'm better off today after going thru it.. Being sad also doesn't mean that you are over that person or event either.. I've met women that were so hard from their past that they weren't worth dating becasue they had shut themselves off..
Krying Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 As a person who got dumped, I can tell you my feelings for my ex were not clouded by anything bad or negative. I can tell you honestly and she also told me too, that I was not to blame for anything in our relationship. Why is that? Because I was happy, and in love with this person and more importantly, I was 100% honest. She on the other hand was not honest. So for me in fact the pain was greater than hers. Even though I was dumped, I never would have left her. I may contribute to my own pain, but it's sometimes done out of the hope you will one day be re-united with that person you loved. How is that bad? Yes there are other people out there we can be happy and in love with too. But in my case, it took me 30 odd years to find this girl. She was the love of my life. Whose to say I will find another I feel the same about. That doesn't mean I go and speed date every night trying to force the issue, it simply means that some people don't get many chances at having true love. And when it's gone, you might not ever get another chance.
Jane Doe Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Guest, your topic meant a lot to me. I've read it over and over. Thanks so much for posting it. I needed to hear that today.
bbgrlnas Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I agree. As a new single mom. He walked out on us for someone else. I'm glad I came across this post. It made me feel better and made me feel like I can move on and life isn't over. I'm still going through a hard time as this only happened a few days ago. If he left me, he wasn't worth it. My only good thing is my baby....Thanks for the post.
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