almostthere Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 i have noticed that as i get older, im 27, I am becomming a softie. I talked to by bf last weekend about a few issues that have been bothering me lately and i hated his responses. I told him on sweetest day that i was hoping he didnt work so late because i was hoping we could go put some money down on a ring. (this is something we have discussed before and figured since it would take 10 months to make payments on it we would both be ready by then). he didnt say anything. he seemed disinterested. when i told him how that made me feel this past weekend he said im sorry i just dont get excited over those things. I thought to myself its not like i told him i had a good day at work and expected him to jump up and down for me. its about love and commitment and someone willing to spend the rest of her life with him. and you dont get excited over those things???? almost made me cry. I asked him to tell his exw to stop calling me whats her face in front of the kids. he hasnt told her yet. i told him it hurt that he said i would help you with the kids more if they were mine. he only feels financially responsibly for them. and finally now...he is off work today and although he is laying down the last of the 6 tiles on the floor he started three months ago he is going to take a nap when he is done. his kids were over and trashed my familyroom. I mean completely trashed it. now i have to go home and clean it up. why do i have to clean up after mine and his? what seems fair about this? he doesnt clean up after mine (even though he lives there) why do i have to clean up after his wreck the place? Maybe i am glad no money went down on a ring. maybe it was a sign.
funkify Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 You know what, I was thinking about the same thing - I'm more sensitive as an adult than when I was a teen. I think when we go through tough times without really resolving them this makes us more sensitive. Try and look on the bright side of things.
Parmalat Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I have to agree with you, as I'm getting older I tend to want things to mean what they are suppose to, not shrug them off trying to be emotionelss or to fit in. Another thing that I'm noticing is that I tend to know more and more what I want out of life and in general. I have the ability to sit down and think to myself, is this really working, does this have a future. Now this is going to sound cliche and some people will tell me its not how you make decisions, but anyway I make a little list that states my pros and cons and then I leave the paper for a while and every now and then I go back, to either read it or add to it. I find that when enough time goes by, this helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings as I have to face the problems and good things head on, no hiding from it like we often do. Perhaps its time to start assessing where you stand and where you want to be, and what the steps are you need to take to get there. I know this sounds very cold and clinical, but sometimes we save ourselves so much trouble further along by just making difficult decisions up front. Sorry for the long note, I thought my thinking pattern might help a little bit. Good luck on all your future decisions, it sounds to me like you might have a few hard ones lined up.
JosiePosie Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I find that I am the same way too, especially when I got into my 30s (I am 35 now). I cry more easily at movies, I am more sensitive to other people's emotions and behaviour. It is hard at times as I sit and wonder if I am just overreacting, etc. Anyway, I think you have a right to be concerned. It sounds like your partner is not in tuned with the relationship as much as you are. The hesitation on buying a ring, his ex disrespecting you in front of the children, and not doing anything about it?? I think you need to take a serious stand before making it permanent with him. If he really wants to be married, he would do anything to show it. From what you are sharing, he is not doing it. Think about it.
norajane Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I don't think it has anything to do with being more sensitive. I think it has a lot more to do with knowing yourself better and feeling strong enough, mature enough to actually question others' behavior rather than just accepting behavior that is unacceptable to you. As you get older, you're better able to stand up for what's important to you - you recognize what's important and you're more able to recognize when someone isn't treating you as you'd like - and less likely to just let them get away with it.
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