some of my emotional baggage

[wolf1]

i want to let you go and i know you a way over me.

i'm really confused and i dont understand whats in my heart anymore.

when we were together,

i remember thinking that if we ever broke up or anything were to happen to us, i had always hoped

that you wouldnt feel any pain and that i would want to sacrifice myself to absorb all

or any pain you might have had to endure. i think i may have gotten what i wished for. i guess i cant complain.

its been 2 years since we broke up. the same amount of time we had been together for.

i was in love for 2 years and i've been in a world of pain for the last 2. can i call it even now?

sometimes i wish i could erase my memories of you. sometimes i'm just plain weak as well.

so about everyday for the past 4 years i've thought about you. however for the last few months you havent been consistenly on my mind.

either way its pretty sad though isnt it.

i've felt nothing but shame and pain. am i that pathetic? it certainly feels like it at times.

we both want to be friends. But for some universal reason its not possible.

i've been away from you for over 2 years. i dont know you anymore. i've lived without you and you without me for this long.

we obviously dont need each other.

Nostalgia is my middle name.

but recently i've been feeling better. and i feel like i'm moving on.

i could send this to you but that would mean never seeing you or hearing from you again. it would just be to shameful to ever face you. knowing what your reaction would be. My pride wont allow it.

Looking back would i have done all this again? no i wouldnt. being a matyr of love isnt what i thought it would be. maybe i've just gone a lil crazy. if so maybe if i hadnt met you i would have been better off.

you say you can understand what i'm going through. but you never will. you havent been to the depths i've been to. you know you could have made it alot easier for me, if you broke it off cleanly and if you were just one big bitch about the whole thing. would have made it a lot easier. but of coarse nothing can be done now. thats just for the record.

Note: i just read this back, this is what a romantic movie and drinking can do to you. lol

[Ssheena]

Stay away from romantic movies while drinking!