Guest Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 I've been having a sexual affair with a MM for over a year now. I was upfront from the beginning that I was just looking for something that was purely physical only. I think this type of no-strings realtionship is perfect for me since I am busy with my career and don't have time for a relationship. But, I confided in a friend about this arrangement and she felt it was wrong. That I should stop sleeping with him. Since both parties involved are consenting adults and know what they are getting into, shouldn't it be OK?
JackJack Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 I've been having a sexual affair with a MM for over a year now. I was upfront from the beginning that I was just looking for something that was purely physical only. I think this type of no-strings realtionship is perfect for me since I am busy with my career and don't have time for a relationship. But, I confided in a friend about this arrangement and she felt it was wrong. That I should stop sleeping with him. Since both parties involved are consenting adults and know what they are getting into, shouldn't it be OK? If you want no strings attached sex, why not find a man thats not married?
bonehead Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Would it be ok for your husband to do this if you were married?
Mythical Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 I've been having a sexual affair with a MM for over a year now. I was upfront from the beginning that I was just looking for something that was purely physical only. I think this type of no-strings realtionship is perfect for me since I am busy with my career and don't have time for a relationship. But, I confided in a friend about this arrangement and she felt it was wrong. That I should stop sleeping with him. Since both parties involved are consenting adults and know what they are getting into, shouldn't it be OK? Does he have kids?? Don't you fee bad for the wife....I mean one day maybe you wil want to have "true" relationship....
norajane Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 But, I confided in a friend about this arrangement and she felt it was wrong. That I should stop sleeping with him. Since both parties involved are consenting adults and know what they are getting into, shouldn't it be OK? Of course it's wrong. His wife isn't consenting and she is most definitely a party to this; she has no idea what - and who - her huband is getting into!
Moose Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Since both parties involved are consenting adults and know what they are getting into, shouldn't it be OK?No it shouldn't. Society will have you believe it's ok, but really, search yourself......you know in your heart it isn't right.....
whichwayisup Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 If you want FWB (Friends with Benefits) then find a single guy. Going after a married man and allowing yourself to be with him that way isnt' really fair to his wife. Yeah, I know, his choice too, but in your mind it's just about sex - And to him it may be just about sex too - But have you thought about his wife, his family? What if she finds out? Are you willing to deal with the consquences of your sexual affair with her husband? Never say never, she could find out. People talk, gossip and who knows if someone has seen you and him together.
lighthouse Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 I've been having a sexual affair with a MM for over a year now. I was upfront from the beginning that I was just looking for something that was purely physical only. I think this type of no-strings realtionship is perfect for me since I am busy with my career and don't have time for a relationship. But, I confided in a friend about this arrangement and she felt it was wrong. That I should stop sleeping with him. Since both parties involved are consenting adults and know what they are getting into, shouldn't it be OK? If you have to ask this question then it should strike you as it is not ok shouldn't it? If you knew it was fine then you wouldn't have even asked. lighthouse
reservoirdog1 Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I've given this advice before to guys. But it can apply to women as well. Most likely, MM's wife will eventually find out. And she probably won't think what you're doing is OK. And she'll probably want to find you and dent your skull. And who knows... she might just do it. True, he's the one who's cheating. However, by any definition, you're aiding and abetting him. And while most likely she loves him, and will possibly be willing to forgive him after she finds out, you're a different story. To her, you'll be the evil tramp who was screwing her husband. (I'm not making a moral judgment about you -- but that's what SHE'LL think of you.) Whatever happens, it probably won't be pretty, and you will probably get hurt, at least emotionally. Affairs rarely, if ever, "end well". Consider yourself warned.
ahotmess Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 It never hurts...until emotions are involved. Please stop this. You will only end up hurt. I guess that's what we OW deserve in the end. But spare yourself the pain...good sex will come again. Get out before feelings hold you hostage.
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 good sex will come again. Yes, it will. Geez, the mindset of some who say "I'll never find this type of love, or sexual attraction again...." It's very silly to think that, it's like a teen who goes through their first break up and feels noone will love them again, or they'll never fall inlove again. You WILL!
herenow Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 You're kidding right? If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to know that sex with a MM is wrong. I think you are just asking this question to get a rise out of people.
gobev Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 You're kidding right? If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to know that sex with a MM is wrong. I think you are just asking this question to get a rise out of people. am getting burnt in the same way. but recently she's called it off. thought maybe she had changed her mind about her marriage. guess your situation is a little different, since it's no strings attached.
puddleofmud Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 There are THREE adults here-two consenting and one not, as well as possibly other non-consenting minors. You feel there are only TWO involved in this? This is nothing but lying/betrayal by ommission cloaked in self-serving situational ethics. As well as "it's Ok if we don't get caught, what they don't know won't hurt", etc. syndrome. You are a willing participant/enabler in the emotional / Spiritual rape of another's family. Even without children a marriage is a family. Two persons, one heart, one home! Simply by being intimate with the partner (whether it be sexually or just emotionally) in a committed relationship robs the relationship, PERIOD. Even if the relationship just downright "sucks" it robs both partners of the experience of discovering why it sucks, staying or leaving by working through, and learning from it. This is not the business of an external party, unless that party is a Mother or Father, bro or sis or life-long trusted friend!
gobev Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 you're right it does. in my case i was thinking that if we had sex it would get us back together.
gobev Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 but i think if two adults want to have sex, what does it matter. their adults.
lighthouse Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 but i think if two adults want to have sex, what does it matter. their adults. If two single adults want to have sex - go for it. However if one or both of them is married or in a relationship then it is not ok. You are betraying someone. One person in this did not consent. Be a man and walk away and find someone who is not involved. lighthouse Why is this so hard to understand? P.S. Sex NEVER gets people back together. For a night, a week, maybe. For good, never. That is like having a baby to keep the marriage together. It is just dumb and prolonging the inevitable
Rooster_DAR Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I agree it's wrong as well. I really am starting to notice something about humans, and I'm going to generalize here. It seems that people are attracted to unavailable people, which I guess maybe it's the whole challenge thing going on. I often find myself attracted to women that are already in relationships (although I have my boundaries in place), so it really makes me wonder why people find unavailable people more attractive. I'm sure there are single people just as smart, attractive, and alluring but it's such a weird phenomenon. Cya!
Guest Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 Well I don't think I am foolish. It may not be morally right, but yet there are so many people who are engaged in some type of affair outside of their marriage. Thanks for the advice anyway but I will continue doing what makes me happy.
puddleofmud Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 You will contine to do what makes YOU happy? "YOU" being the operative word. Need one say more?
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Thanks for the advice anyway but I will continue doing what makes me happy. Do you have any emotional ties to this man at all, or is it truly 'just sex'? Are you careful with him (protection against STD - sounds like this isn't anything new to him)? Have you prepared for Dday and exposure? Eventually you'll get caught, and you'll want to have a plan for what happens when the BW exposes your affair to your family, your co-workers, your SO (if you have one, that is), etc.
aparkstone Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Talking about exposer ,,I have let the mm`s family , wife see his emails to my wife of 26 yrs and after 3 yrs I still want to expose him more,,to his child,,work,,friends,,, but I fear my wife getting mad at me ( she thinks I`m over it ) I`m not till I cause the pain he has caused to my kids,myself and to my wife back to him. He goes scott free and I am buriden with thoughts of him forever, he is a smooth secducer and caught my wife with her guard down,, I am the only one who feels there is nothing wrong with geting even,,whats everyone take on this,, Should I follow thur with renvenge and teach him never to cheat on his wife or home wreck another family? I am brand new to this site ,,pardon me if I have posted in error to the general rules.
puddleofmud Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 You've said you have already done this and obviously you still aren't feeling satisfied so what would make you think doing this further would help? Telling others won't really hurt the other party--it will only hurt THEM. Would that really make you feel better? You need to work on your anger, justified as it may be, but it is eating you alive and not helping your relationship. The person you should be speaking w/ is your wife. She is the person to whom as your best friend and life partner you should be able to say, "Honey, I am sorry but I am still having these strong angry emotions I can't let go of...I need your help." Ask her to listen and try to express yourself in a calm manner. The two of you can work together on it. You need her validation on this so just ask for it in an appropriate manner. You are back-sliding and that's OK! It happens to everyone. Best wishes to you.
socialight Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 not to mention the fact that, "purely physical sex" does not exist unless you are a complete phsycho path who is devoid of emotions. If you are not, then sex has an emotional, relational element to it,and you are setting yourself up for huge issues if you don't recognize that.
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