My insensitive bf and my sick child...

[Touche]

Ok, I just read your other post. Wow, this is a little complicated, I must say. You see, I've been where your b/f is. When I met my H, my stepson was very spoiled and did not listen. I used to talk to him about it all the time because it drove me NUTS! And you're doing the same thing. His room shouldn't go like that for days. You shouldn't let him not listen to you. I have my own thread dealing with this VERY issue.

 

I almost left my H (when he was still my b/f) over this very thing. I didn't like the way he let my stepson walk all over him. In the end, my H changed and got tougher with him and all was well. But it was SO serious that I almost LEFT over this. And how can your b/f get any respect from him when your son won't even mind his own mother. You need to stop being so wishy-washy with your son. I know EXACLTY where your b/f is coming from with that issue.

 

All that being said, it STILL doesn't excuse the abusive language. You really DO need to sit down with him. Tell him you'll do better as far as disciplining your child and making sure he acts responsibly for his age but in return tell him you will not put up with the language.

 

What do you think?

[YesandNo]

Ok, I just read your other post. Wow, this is a little complicated, I must say. You see, I've been where your b/f is. When I met my H, my stepson was very spoiled and did not listen. I used to talk to him about it all the time because it drove me NUTS! And you're doing the same thing. His room shouldn't go like that for days. You shouldn't let him not listen to you. I have my own thread dealing with this VERY issue.

 

I almost left my H (when he was still my b/f) over this very thing. I didn't like the way he let my stepson walk all over him. In the end, my H changed and got tougher with him and all was well. But it was SO serious that I almost LEFT over this. And how can your b/f get any respect from him when your son won't even mind his own mother. You need to stop being so wishy-washy with your son. I know EXACLTY where your b/f is coming from with that issue.

 

All that being said, it STILL doesn't excuse the abusive language. You really DO need to sit down with him. Tell him you'll do better as far as disciplining your child and making sure he acts responsibly for his age but in return tell him you will not put up with the language.

 

What do you think?

 

I am reading your post now. Wow, I can see that I am a slacker in some areas. I can admit that, and for his benefit I will try and change that. It's all in the approach is what I'm saying that means the most. Somethings are just not going to be accepted like the language and the abuse. He doesnt see it as abuse but I know it when I see it. He thinks that I don't see the influence he has on my son, I do everyday, I see it I just dont always agree with the approach. I am in the middle of being passive to being overprotective from some of the things I'm reading here which is really confusing because they are totally opposite . But just as I tell my bf, everything has to be a balance. My son needs a balance of discipline but it must include nurturing. You can not focus on the negative all the time. My bf is not jealous of my son, he really sees him in his eyes as his own. He sees him as a second chance at being a dad because he doesn't raise his own son. He has been in his life for 4 years now and hopefully much much longer. It is the things between us that we must work out. I am not blind, I know that this can be make or break right now. I do think we can make it, but I honestly feel it is up to him. I already told him that I will never take this type of treatment. Usually I am not quiet about much and I think he is taking advantage of this now that I think about it.

[YesandNo]

with the little I know I would have to agree with Touche' ..

 

But throw in the fact that your BF also deserves real empathy and understanding for what he is going thru as well makes things a really difficult decision to make for you...

 

Maybe now is the time to lay down the law and have a coming to Jesus meeting with him over what you are willing to accept as bad behavior from him and then let him make the decision to fix himself or leave

 

I will do this.

[Touche]

Well, I'm glad my thread is helping a little. And you say you will try to change things with your son for "his" benefit. Did you mean for your son? I hope so. Don't just do it for your b/f. It will benefit your SON the most.

 

You know what I would do, Y&N? I would first talk to your b/f like I said (like Art said first actually) but then have a "family meeting." Tell your son that you want to have a better family and that each person has to do their part to have a better family. At that time, your b/f should say that he's going to work on the language, you say whatever it is you think you need to do to improve the family and your son will also say what HE will do. I'll bet it will surprise you as far as what he says.

 

Try that. Start fresh. And of course your son needs nurturing. He's still a little boy but make him responsible for doing things that you BOTH expect him to do. Stand together more as a team now. I think that's what your b/f would like to see.

 

You say it's "up to him". NO. It's up to BOTH of you. Relationships really are 100/100% not 50/50. And also, it doesn't matter how much you tell him you won't put up with the language. If you keep putting up with it, it doesn't mean anything. You must be prepared to tell him that it is a deal-breaker. Don't put up with that. That kind of behavior easily can slip into more serious abusive behaviors...and not that THAT isn't serious because it is.

 

I'm so sorry that you've had abuse in your life. Just make sure you don't settle for more of it, ok?

 

So what do you think about the family meeting idea?

[RecordProducer]

My goodness I am very sorry to hear this RecordProducer.

Thanks. So do you think your BF dislikes the fact that you're living with a child? Does he normally show affection to him? Or do you always have this feeling like he would gladly get rid of your son?

[YesandNo]

Well, I'm glad my thread is helping a little. And you say you will try to change things with your son for "his" benefit. Did you mean for your son? I hope so. Don't just do it for your b/f. It will benefit your SON the most.

 

You know what I would do, Y&N? I would first talk to your b/f like I said (like Art said first actually) but then have a "family meeting." Tell your son that you want to have a better family and that each person has to do their part to have a better family. At that time, your b/f should say that he's going to work on the language, you say whatever it is you think you need to do to improve the family and your son will also say what HE will do. I'll bet it will surprise you as far as what he says.

 

Try that. Start fresh. And of course your son needs nurturing. He's still a little boy but make him responsible for doing things that you BOTH expect him to do. Stand together more as a team now. I think that's what your b/f would like to see.

 

You say it's "up to him". NO. It's up to BOTH of you. Relationships really are 100/100% not 50/50. And also, it doesn't matter how much you tell him you won't put up with the language. If you keep putting up with it, it doesn't mean anything. You must be prepared to tell him that it is a deal-breaker. Don't put up with that. That kind of behavior easily can slip into more serious abusive behaviors...and not that THAT isn't serious because it is.

 

I'm so sorry that you've had abuse in your life. Just make sure you don't settle for more of it, ok?

 

So what do you think about the family meeting idea?

 

Your thread is opening my eyes to alot! I love the idea of the family meeting. Oh ya, when I said for his benefit I did mean my son. I spoke to my bf a lil while ago and he told me that these things are weighing on him alot too. He said that he is not trying to make excuses but he know that he was wrong for blowing his top and he doesnt know why it happened. I told him that it is hard to listen to everything concerning my son because he didnt have the nurturing in his home that he (bf) needed so somethings he cant see is necessary. He said that he will try to be open and that some things I dont see is necessary either. He said again that my son is a great child and he wants him to be a great man. I told him he will be abusive if he watches him talk to me that way. He apologized and said again that he doesnt know why he did that and it started with something so stupid. He said that he thinks that he blew up because I was talking bad about his mom and in his head he really does resent her, he said that he thought I was saying out loud what he says to himself all the time about her.

 

We will have this meeting. We have never before done this and I think it will be good for us. He knows all about my ex husband and he said he was going crazy because he hates him and he was acting just like him last night. He's always said that my exhusband (he took everything in the divorce and spends most his concern with his second son) is not a man and I know that he must feel like crap to have compared them.

 

Thank you guys. I do not know what I'd do without you. I've been crying off and on all day and I had to get this out.

[YesandNo]

Thanks. So do you think your BF dislikes the fact that you're living with a child? Does he normally show affection to him? Or do you always have this feeling like he would gladly get rid of your son?

 

No never. If he did then I would not be with him. My son is not going anywhere.

[RecordProducer]

No never. If he did then I would not be with him. My son is not going anywhere.

I know. And they will ALWAYS be our babies!

 

But is your BF affectionate with your son? Is he good to him? Do they talk friendly? Do they spend some time togetherf? Play together? Does he take care of him, things like make sure he gets the jacket or wipe his shirt when your son spills something on it, etc.? Does he ask him if he needs help with his homework? Does your son refer to him for help or to tell him a funny story? Do they hug and kiss? Does your BF buy him presents?

[YesandNo]

I know. And they will ALWAYS be our babies!

 

But is your BF affectionate with your son? Is he good to him? Do they talk friendly? Do they spend some time togetherf? Play together? Does he take care of him, things like make sure he gets the jacket or wipe his shirt when your son spills something on it, etc.? Does he ask him if he needs help with his homework? Does your son refer to him for help or to tell him a funny story? Do they hug and kiss? Does your BF buy him presents?

 

I don't know if I can say that he is "affectionate" but yes he is very good to him. I would not say the word affectionate because my bf and my son are very "macho" males. He doesn't kiss or hug him, he'll do something like smile at him and tussle his hair. They talk all the time and play video games and sports together. They go to basketball and football games without me. My bf is very into fashion and buys alot of his (my son's) clothes for him. My son loves Jordan sneakers my bf buys him a pair everytime they come out with them. He is wonderful and i appreciate him in our life. My son adores him and connect with him in a different way then I can. I know that that is the reason that he went crazy when I said my son has one parent. He is in everyones eyes my sons dad. I should not have said that to him but I was very angry with his outburst that I fought back in that way. Our problems are with discipline and my part as a mother. He needs to know that I relate to my son in a diffrent way than he does.

[YesandNo]

I know. And they will ALWAYS be our babies!

 

But is your BF affectionate with your son? Is he good to him? Do they talk friendly? Do they spend some time togetherf? Play together? Does he take care of him, things like make sure he gets the jacket or wipe his shirt when your son spills something on it, etc.? Does he ask him if he needs help with his homework? Does your son refer to him for help or to tell him a funny story? Do they hug and kiss? Does your BF buy him presents?

 

I don't know if I can say that he is "affectionate" but yes he is very good to him. I would not say the word affectionate because my bf and my son are very "macho" males. He doesn't kiss or hug him, he'll do something like smile at him and tussle his hair. They talk all the time and play video games and sports together. They go to basketball and football games without me. My bf is very into fashion and buys alot of his (my son's) clothes for him. My son loves Jordan sneakers my bf buys him a pair everytime they come out with them. He is wonderful and i appreciate him in our life. My son adores him and he (bf) can connect with him in a different way then I can. I know that that is the reason that he went crazy when I said my son has one parent. He is in everyones eyes my sons dad. I should not have said that to him but I was very angry with his outburst that I fought back in that way. Our problems are with discipline and my part as a mother. He needs to know that I relate to my son in a diffrent way than he does.

[Touche]

Our problems are with discipline and my part as a mother. He needs to know that I relate to my son in a diffrent way than he does.

 

It's great that you recognize that, Y&N. That's the first step to solving the problem. And I wouldn't focus so much on the second sentence though. He knows that. I would focus on trying to get on the SAME page with him as far as disciplining your child. Try to act like parents TOGETHER. You're talking about marriage and that's what you will have to do when you're married or you will have problems like what you're seeing now. I think your b/f DOES feel left out as far as the parenting duties/decisions go. It's tough since he's not even a step-dad. But if you're really getting married and there's a bond of four years here you really need to be on the same page on this.

 

I'm glad you two spoke and that you're having this family meeting.

 

Please let us know how it goes, ok? And don't cry ok? It will be alright. Sounds like you two might have a chance after all.

[YesandNo]

It's great that you recognize that, Y&N. That's the first step to solving the problem. And I wouldn't focus so much on the second sentence though. He knows that. I would focus on trying to get on the SAME page with him as far as disciplining your child. Try to act like parents TOGETHER. You're talking about marriage and that's what you will have to do when you're married or you will have problems like what you're seeing now. I think your b/f DOES feel left out as far as the parenting duties/decisions go. It's tough since he's not even a step-dad. But if you're really getting married and there's a bond of four years here you really need to be on the same page on this.

 

I'm glad you two spoke and that you're having this family meeting.

 

Please let us know how it goes, ok? And don't cry ok? It will be alright. Sounds like you two might have a chance after all.

 

Thanks Touche, I will let you all know how it goes. After our talk today things should be alot better tonight.

 

Oh ya Touche, I know he does feel left out. We have to talk together about this. I said in a earlier post that he does not discipline my son but it's not only because of me. He worries about my son resenting him if he would discipline. He thinks right now I should do it, I tell him that we both should cause sometimes I feel like I'm always the bad guy (gal) . Well I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow! And thanks to all of you!

[RecordProducer]

I don't know if I can say that he is "affectionate" but yes he is very good to him. I would not say the word affectionate because my bf and my son are very "macho" males. He doesn't kiss or hug him, he'll do something like smile at him and tussle his hair. They talk all the time and play video games and sports together. They go to basketball and football games without me. My bf is very into fashion and buys alot of his (my son's) clothes for him. My son loves Jordan sneakers my bf buys him a pair everytime they come out with them. He is wonderful and i appreciate him in our life. My son adores him and connect with him in a different way then I can. I know that that is the reason that he went crazy when I said my son has one parent. He is in everyones eyes my sons dad. I should not have said that to him but I was very angry with his outburst that I fought back in that way. Our problems are with discipline and my part as a mother. He needs to know that I relate to my son in a diffrent way than he does.

This sounds very good.

 

You should close your eyes to the mistakes he makes once in a while. All parents say something unfair to/about their children. If you jump to poke his eyes out every time he says something about your son, he will start resenting both you and your son.

[Mary3]

It sounds to me that you need to do more thinking about how healthy is the relationship you are in ? if you feel it is healthy then you need to figure out how to fix the impass..

If you deem the relationship as unhealthy then you need to cut ties with him and let him figure out his issues..

 

Not everything I'm seeing here has to do with cancer..

 

I have watched 2 of my parents die from cancer and neither one of them took out their anger on the loved ones around them..and certainly not around the kids.. sure they were angry.. but not with their loved ones..

 

I am seeing real deal breakers show up.. he is verbally abusing you.. yelling instead of calmy discussing is abuse..

If he is this way now.. think about what he will be like after you are married or if you get pregnant think of how hard he will be able to deal with and parent with..

 

Parents should NEVER fight in front of a child...and what makes it even worse is if the argument is ABOUT the child.. the child will feel isolated and responsible for the argument.

 

I agree with this 100,000 % ! I think you have an abusive man/boy who can potentially do you GREAT harm . Get Out ! And marraige ?? Not on YOUR life or your sons.

Everytime you argue you turn your little boy into the hating adult you are cohabitating with..

Say GOODBYE asap !

[Mary3]

Don't be over protective. Children can and should witness adults struggling with emotions -- the qualifier is that those adults should SHOW the child how to deal with things appropriately because that's the only way that children learn how to manage difficult emotions for themselves.

 

It's not like you can just magically learn how to deal with crap. I witnessed a lot of horrible, horrible stuff growing up and I'm the better for it. Stronger and more aware of myself now.

 

What exactly are you trying to shield the child from? Your BF agonizing about his own mortality? Arguments? How can children learn how to resolve arguments if they adults around them never teach them?

 

Maybe the BF should just stay away from your home for a while until he resolves his issues with his own mortality. That seems like a good compromise.

 

I disagree. This is now ABUSE and she needs to leave with her son ASAP. Her son does not need to learn to be disrespectful towards women and shout at his mother...Bad things to come here.

[Mary3]

the use of language like that in front of your son is inexcusable. I don't care what he is going through he should choose more respectful words.

 

Amen .............

[Mary3]

oh and he can not leave. our home is his home. his mom lives across the country from us. I was wondering if I should leave if that was what he needed but i could not abandon him that way. all I can do Is try and hold us all together.

 

Last night when we were talking or (he was yelling) he said that he cant stand to see the way I am with my son. He said that God gave us two parents for a reason and that he is going to make sure that he grows to be a strong man and that I alone would make him weak. He said that I myself am strong so why dont i want my son to be. I got upset and told him that my son has only one parent. He went crazy about that. He said that my son is a great kid but if I dont change I will make him a loser momma's boy. He said I was wrong because he is the dad that my son knows and he supports him with me. He said I better not ever say that again.

I asked him why he thinks I make him that way, he is very independent and he is making everything an issue all of a sudden. He said he always said it I was not listening. He said that he is only independent because he makes him that way. If for me he would still be a little baby but then he says that I never listen when it comes to my son. He said that it pissed him off to hear him keep calling mommy every 5 seconds. He said that he should have just dealt with it cause there is nothing I could do. He said that he was just calling me and crying because he knew I would come running for him. He said I didnt need to hold his hand through anything cuz he was just sick and would get better. Sleep it off and be ok in the morning. He said alot of hurtful things, and I am not supposed to say anything about it. I asked him if he needed time to himself he said no, that would be crazy if we were to leave even for a day.

 

He compares his childhood to my son and he did not have any nurturing from his parents. He does not know that he was lacking. He is still emotionally immature because his mom never hugged or kissed him good night. I know this because he is emotionally detached. He feels less of a man because he broke down last night. He has never cried about any of this from when he was first diagnosed. He feels shame for me seeing him cry.

 

You bf sounds like he himself is terrified of becoming a weak pansy so he goes to the other side and DEMANDS that you not treat your 4th grader ( 10 year old ) like a sissy. He needs to get therapy and you need to GET OUT. I feel very very sorry for your little boy:(

[Mary3]

It sounds to me that you need to do more thinking about how healthy is the relationship you are in ? if you feel it is healthy then you need to figure out how to fix the impass..

If you deem the relationship as unhealthy then you need to cut ties with him and let him figure out his issues..

 

Not everything I'm seeing here has to do with cancer..

 

I have watched 2 of my parents die from cancer and neither one of them took out their anger on the loved ones around them..and certainly not around the kids.. sure they were angry.. but not with their loved ones..

 

I am seeing real deal breakers show up.. he is verbally abusing you.. yelling instead of calmy discussing is abuse..

If he is this way now.. think about what he will be like after you are married or if you get pregnant think of how hard he will be able to deal with and parent with..

 

Parents should NEVER fight in front of a child...and what makes it even worse is if the argument is ABOUT the child.. the child will feel isolated and responsible for the argument.

 

Absolutely Correcta~mundo !

[Mary3]

I just finished reading this whole thread. I feel for you YesandNo. You seem like a sweet woman and a very good mother. I have a 10 year old son too.

 

Let me say that I must agree with Art and with noforgiveness. He's crossed over the line into abusive behavior. He obviously has childhood issues that are coming to the fore now. It's fine if he thinks you're not raising your son properly but it's up to YOU to decide in the end. He's trying to browbeat you into doing things HIS way.

 

I see BIG red flags here Y&N. Have you ever been with an abusive man? This is EXACTLY how it starts out.

 

And if you are as good a mother as I think you are you will get away from this man and explain to your son that this is NOT how a man should speak to a woman, EVER. He's young and impressionable as you said. And if he sees this continue and you stay with him, he will think it's ok.

 

I would start making arrangements to move or have him move. This has the potential to get really ugly I'm afraid to say. He sounds like an emotionally immature, spoiled baby who is also an abuser.

 

A woman as sweet as you seem to be deserves WAY better than this. Please think about this.

 

Thank you ..thank YOU !

[Mary3]

I know all of this Art Critic, I too have taken care of other family and dealt with cancer before. I know what it looks like here and I know that it's not right under any circumstances. The thing is that normally we dont have problems like this so it makes it very easy to blame it on the cancer. We were planning on getting married in a couple of years but I know that he has alot of things to work out first. My exhusband was a tyrant with his abuse. He was possessive and I could not deal with him on a day to day basis. I am not ready for marriage yet either.

 

No, parents should not fight in front of their children. Or discuss things about them in their presence. The love that he has for my son is genuine, the love my son has for him is equal, but when it comes to me he doesnt not understand that in my eyes as a parent it is not completely equal. Not yet it just isnt. I feel terrible for typing that and hope he would never see that but it is true. He needs to learn to deal with his explosions if we are going to work. The language is terrible and I am not a prude (some may think I look that way here). My son didn't even blink when he heard it yesterday and that suprised me because I wonder if he's heard it from him before. He kept following me around after that making sure that I was ok I guess. He said wow mom he is really mad. I didnt say much, then he went to him and they played a video game together. I cant lie and say that I did not feel a little upset about that. My (baby) son is trying to be the peacemaker. Ya, what a lil man he is.

 

STOP trying to make reasons for his behavior. He is getting WORSE. I don't care if he has RABIES or cancer , if he is abusive .then your poor little boy is going to SUFFER AGAIN ! You already got out of one....pleeeeeeeeease stop trying to help these men . I had to learn alot and I help NO man who does not know how to TREAT ME .

Comprehend ?

[Mary3]

Peacemaker? No! He should NOT be in that position. And the following you around thing means he is feeling insecure.

 

So you left one abusive marriage only to contemplate getting back into another? Why? Don't you see that you're going to wind up right back where you started from?

 

That whole thing with you making a face while he was on the phone was absurd. Even if you HAD done that, so WHAT? Did that action warrant his reaction? Absolutely NOT!

 

Stop making excuses for him. He doesn't have your best interests NOR your son's at heart. He's a selfish and abusive man. Do you not see it? All of his actions you spoke of tell me so. The fact that your son ran to him to play a videogame means NOTHING. Kids like security...even if it's not a good situation. They don't know any better. Your son is probably scared for you and was trying to make things better.

 

How sad that you've been him in that position. If you let it continue, I will have to question whether you really ARE such a good mother.

 

Like I said, I don't mean to be harsh but I hope you REALLY see what's in front of you before more damage is done to yourself and to your son.

 

God this is beautiful advice !

[Mary3]

Your BF is not insensitive: he is jealous! I was jealous of my ex-step-daughter and couldn't stand the way my ex-husband was treating her. One of the big reasons why we split was because of her. I was jealous of her and their relationship. But also he was spending a lot of time with her, expected me to replace her mother 100% (her mom died), and he was trying to show me that she was more important than our two sons.

 

She was a very difficult child (he used to tell people that she is the devil himself!). She was only 18 months old when we started living together. I expected romance, but all of a sudden all I was doing was changing diapers, feeding her, taking her with me to the store, cooking, cleaning... I was a 23-y.o. girl. On top of it I was pregnant with twins. I was going crazy... I started hating his daughter. She wouldn't stop bothering us for one minute. She would always ask for something new and when she would stop, it was time to feed her, bathe her, and out her to sleep. Then my ex would fall asleep next to her.

Ugh... Thank god that marriage is over!

 

Just giving you a prospective of a jealous step-boyfriend.

 

This problem is not likely to go away. With time it got worse for me. While love can go up OR down, hatred usually goes UP. You might have peace when your son moves out some day, in 8, 10 or 12 years.

 

And you might simply find a guy who will love your son. Not only that you're not obliged to tolerate his jealousy, that your son is restricted in his own house, and your BF is suffering as well... but your son would benefit a lot from a guy friend, especially if he is missing this connection with his natural father.

 

So it doesn't have to be yours or your sons' happiness - it can be both.

 

If you would know what thoughts wander in your BF's mind, MAYBE (just maybe!) you wouldn't want to see him ever again. I was full of anger at the time and wished she never existed. I didn't want to have these feelings, I wanted to love her, I felt bad about who I was for this. But it was stronger than me.

 

I also had a step-father who was a monster, I won't even go there, this is not related to your BF. He molested me and physically abused my mother.

 

Just to let you know. The above highlighted part of your post is pretty typical for a 2 year old. They want alot and they wanna crawl in your bed ...very normal. Then you start showing them their own bed. They still sneak in your room. So this part of your post is pretty normal behavior for a 2 year old . RP

[Mary3]

with the little I know I would have to agree with Touche' ..

 

But throw in the fact that your BF also deserves real empathy and understanding for what he is going thru as well makes things a really difficult decision to make for you...

 

Maybe now is the time to lay down the law and have a coming to Jesus meeting with him over what you are willing to accept as bad behavior from him and then let him make the decision to fix himself or leave

 

Art, I dont think this abusive guy deserves much of anything anymore. She has done it all ( from being empathetic to trying to please him so many times ) for him and all he is doing is Screaming. I say get out .

[Mary3]

Thank you Touche. I am going to try and answer this the best way I can...

I hate to sound like I'm now making excuses for him but I am trying to be truthful in all that I type. I do know abuse. From my father and my mother's relationship to my exhusband. Truthfully, bf has never displayed this type of behavior and we have had disagreements before alot of them. We are together 4 years and we both bought the house together. I love him dearly I do, I do not want to be unsupportive, but I am torn. I will not take abuse ever. All of these things are coming up now in a very ugly way. I can not say that they have never come up before at all, these things with my son. Say like, he will tell me, he needs to clean his room now it is getting out of hand in their. Sometimes I will say leave him alone if he wants to live in that pig pen let him. Sometimes I will get on him to clean it, sometimes he will instantly sometimes he will ignore me for a few days. My bf will then tell him "your mother told you to clean it and you still didn't" then my son will do it. Then my bf will come to me and say, you are to blame because you let him ignore you. He should do what he's told when he's told. On a regular day this is how something like this goes. Now, it is spinning out of control so it appears to me that I dont know where it is all coming from. He said, We talk about this stuff all the time, you just never before listened. To me it's all in the way you handle it. If you approach me correctly we will be fine. I will not take the screaming and abuse or the feelings of being a bad mom.

 

Thank you Touche for your compliments. I hope I dont sound like i am backing down now but from this view what is your opinion? It would be really hard for me to up and walk out. If we do split up he would leave because that is the type of man that he is. He told me that last night. I said I will go to my sisters for a few days, he said like what? Am I thinking of separating from him. He said if I ever where then he would leave that it is crazy for me to say me and my son should leave even for a few days.

 

You already ARE tolerating the abuse . You already *are* being abused. Read my above highlights on your post. You understand that he shares no DEEP bond with that child ? Its sounds like a controlling basta** who is forcing you to do things his way. Tell him to BACK OFF.

[Mary3]

When I said peacemaker I was being sarcastic. I do know that he should not be in that position. When he went to play the game with him it was because he does have concern for the both of us. They always play the game and were talking about it before anything happened. He is not scared for me. I know my son, I know my bf. He is not scared at all believe me, he had visions of videogames playing in his mind and thats what he wanted to get to doing. He checked with me to make sure I was ok first.

 

I know that I AM a good mother. I will not let anyone say that I am not. I am not a PERFECT mother but I do not know anyone who is.

 

Your SON is VERY scared and its up to YOU now to get him out of that sitation. Please dont make your former tolerable abuse a green light for it to happen again and JUSTIFY that your son is okay when he is NOT. Please take your son out of there....EVERYTHING you do is a permanant mark on your SON . Please.