Anastasia0309 Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 So, me and my Ex have been broken up going on 3 months. Yesterday we talked on the phone for 1 hr and 10 min. That's was amazing for him cause he Never talks on the phone that long. A few days before that he had said he wanted to call me so bad but it was to late. Anyways, the hour coversation went really really good. We talked about the relationship which he brought up. We talked about what went wrong and what we both are learning through the breakup. We both cried and laughed,too. We both didn't want to let eachother go. It was the conversation I've been waiting to have and I'm happy about it but for some reason since I hung up (I said Well I should be going)...... I've been missing him even more. It's kind of bittersweet. I miss that emotional connection so much. The conversation just reminded me of something I haven't had in awhile. But I could only have a taste not the whole thing. I want to talk to him every now and then. It seems like he wants to work things out..... we both do. Talking hepls me with my healing and his healing but what am I suppose to do about this feeling. I miss being apart of his life.
Davis Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Ana: your situation is similar to mine. I went NC for 5 weeks. My ex contacted me by text and email (she broke up with me). Anyway, we talked and texted. She told me how much she missed me and how she wanted to make it work. I guess my advice is to go slow. She and I just meet for coffee, went to an early dinner and that's about it. Visits to each others homes, "dates" after 6pm are out and sexual contact is against our "rules" for now (and we're in our late 30's!!). We got involved too fast and too much, so we don't want to repeat that mistake. We are just trying to get re-aquainted and get to know each other better. So, go out and have a fun time together. Have some simple, enjoyable time together. Try not to get too heavy into the past and what happened. Remember the things you did and said to him that were wrong and make sure you've changed your behavior. Good luck.
pjammer Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 So, me and my Ex have been broken up going on 3 months. Yesterday we talked on the phone for 1 hr and 10 min. That's was amazing for him cause he Never talks on the phone that long. A few days before that he had said he wanted to call me so bad but it was to late. Anyways, the hour coversation went really really good. We talked about the relationship which he brought up. We talked about what went wrong and what we both are learning through the breakup. We both cried and laughed,too. We both didn't want to let eachother go. It was the conversation I've been waiting to have and I'm happy about it but for some reason since I hung up (I said Well I should be going)...... I've been missing him even more. It's kind of bittersweet. I miss that emotional connection so much. The conversation just reminded me of something I haven't had in awhile. But I could only have a taste not the whole thing. I want to talk to him every now and then. It seems like he wants to work things out..... we both do. Talking hepls me with my healing and his healing but what am I suppose to do about this feeling. I miss being apart of his life. Well I wish you ALL the best...I am in a similar boat, my g/f broke up with me about 6 weeks ago now, and ive been in NC for about 2 1/2. Still havent heard from her. Every day is hard, and I want desperately to pick up the phone and call, but I know I cant. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. I know sometimes relationships can be even stronger after a break-up. You have learned more about yourself, what you did wrong, and [hopefully] corrected them. I know I have realized my mistakes/flaws, and I am doing everything possible to correct them as well. I just hope that I get the same chance that it looks like you will get
Davis Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Pjammer: hang in there. The only reason my ex contacted me was that I was out with a friend (who was a girl) and I asked her to pose as my gf and hang all over me. My ex went crazy! The texts and emails started coming from her the next day. You might try to find a good looking girl to go out with somewhere your ex might show up. You'll get an idea from her reaction if she sees you. Yes, continue with NC. It is your only possibility for it to work. She may, may not or may get a hold of you a year from now. You never know. Just make sure you go out, have some dates and try to be happy. If she doesn't come back, you might find a hottie and be in a great position to take advantage of it!!
Author Anastasia0309 Posted November 13, 2006 Author Posted November 13, 2006 We haven't talked about getting back together or anything like that. We just talked. We both kind of agreed that talking from time to time would be better then trying to not talk. It seems like he wants to know how I'm doing in my growth. The reason we broke up was because I was in a depression that resulted from the death of my father and It had a BAD affect on our relationship. I bascially lost my self.... You can't love someone unless you love yourself type thing. He broke you with me but it was the best thing he could have done for us. Really. I knew I should leave and wanted to get away but was to weak to actually leave. It was hard for both of us but I'm going to Grieving consueling with my family and seeing a personal therapist and he is trying to understand Depression more. So, he's understanding why I acted the way I acted when we were together. I was also telling him about a book I'm reading about depression to better understand it and he asked me what it was called. I don't know I just don't want it to end up being where I want to get back together and he just cares about me and want to know how I'm doing but doesn't want to be with me. I know he loves me with all this heart. I have no doubt but I'm just wondering if he has any want to be with me eventually. Opinions anyone?
Davis Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Ana: I'm sorry you lost your father. I've been there. Of course that affected your relationship! That's a big blow to take. My ex's cousin died of cancer on a Friday (the same age as her) and her uncle died of cancer the following Saturday. Lets say she had a melt down during that time. That's when she broke up with me. You are doing all the right things: counseling and so on. Stay with it. It sounds like he still cares about you, he wants to see that you're getting better. Keep hanging out and talking ... not in a depressed way either! It's hard for both people to get back involved when something so tragic has happened. So, hang in there, get better, have some fun times with him, take it slow and see where it goes in the future. Good luck!!
pjammer Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Pjammer: hang in there. The only reason my ex contacted me was that I was out with a friend (who was a girl) and I asked her to pose as my gf and hang all over me. My ex went crazy! The texts and emails started coming from her the next day. You might try to find a good looking girl to go out with somewhere your ex might show up. You'll get an idea from her reaction if she sees you. Yes, continue with NC. It is your only possibility for it to work. She may, may not or may get a hold of you a year from now. You never know. Just make sure you go out, have some dates and try to be happy. If she doesn't come back, you might find a hottie and be in a great position to take advantage of it!! Well that isnt exactly possible for a few reasons - 1) She lives 1 1/2 hours away, and 2) she is 31 (im 23). I dont want to make her jealous or anything, and I dont think she's that naive either. I am really in love with her, but I did some things that I regret (didnt cheat on her or anything, just didnt tell her the whole truth about some things). Obviously I regret everything I did, and I would do anything just to have another chance. But I am going to stick with NC for now, and will call her in about 3 weeks or so (will be about 6 weeks of NC). Hopefully she will have contacted me by then, but no guarantees...
Author Anastasia0309 Posted November 14, 2006 Author Posted November 14, 2006 Ana: I'm sorry you lost your father. I've been there. Of course that affected your relationship! That's a big blow to take. My ex's cousin died of cancer on a Friday (the same age as her) and her uncle died of cancer the following Saturday. Yeah, Losing someone is probably one of the hardest things you'll EVER have to experience in your life. It could Mos Def turn your life upside down. Which it did to my life and I'm working on putting it back together. My dad died of a massive heartattack 2 days after this 55th birthday. So, one day he was here and health and the next he was gone. I was only 20 at the time. I'm know 22. But I do truely believe that if two people really love each other and are meant to be then they will be. The hard part is not knowing if something is meant to be. We have the Love there for sure and I know I want him to be the one but only time will tell. I'm also working on Patience. I hate to wait. I have to keep reminding myself...."Good things come to those who wait". But yeah, I will for sure take things slow. Just let things happen. Do you think I should just let him call me? I don't want him to think I'm coming on to strong.
Davis Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 I would probably let him do the calling. Make sure you keep the conversation light. If he thinks you're a basket case that won't help and you don't want him feeling sorry for you. So, keep up your counseling and see what happens.
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