sb129 Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Hey. I find this site so great- keep it up guys. Has anyone been in the situation that they ended up caring more for their ex's kids than their ex? I broke up with my ex a few months back now. He has a 15mth old son- ex and I were together before he was born, so I got pretty attached to him. Recently I have been catching myself thinking about the little boy, wondering how he is, and how much he loved me. Its pretty painful. I don;t miss my ex AT ALL. He has said he doesn't want his son to have any contact with me because I would be a "bad influence" and frankly, NC is best where my ex is concerned. Its far too messy, and I have no rights to see his son. He used his son as a bargaining tool when I tried to end the relationship earlier in the year, there is no way we can be friends or anything like that he is too bitter that I ended our relationship. I know there is no solution except to keep going on and forget about that chapter of my life. But its quite hard sometimes. I never thought I would feel so much love for the child who's arrival i was dreading. I have no kids of my own. I hope I get to feel that love again- preferably for my own kids when the time is right. I have recently met a wonderful new guy- things are working out pretty well. Don't worry-am not earmarking him for fatherhood yet...poor guy would run a mile! I feel like its inappropriate to discuss these feelings (missing ex's son) I have with him as he doesn't deserve that, even though he has been pretty understanding in other respects, I would like to just look to the future with him. I wouldn't want to be hearing about his ex's kids. Hopefully the feelings will fade.....
Ssheena Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Kids are great. It's understandable that you fell in love with the baby! It's a good thing, really. Of course, you will feel the same if when you have your own children. Do you have any friends who have children? If so, you could offer to babysit. Or, just be happy that you have realized that you like babies and be glad that you had a chance to be a part of his childs life. Maybe there is a humane society around that would like you to walk some dogs for them. Puppies are a LOT like babies...only worse..they never get to the stage where they can talk and tell you they have to poop or throw up and they love unconditionally like babies do.
amaysngrace Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 I was married and my exH has three neices whom I positively adored. But part of getting a divorce means saying bye to that whole side. It doesn't make you miss them any less, but it is the best thing to do for all involved. Unless you have a exceptionally great relationship with the in-laws. It's probably best you left when the child was so young and won't remember you. If he were older, it may have been even more traumatic.
JosiePosie Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 My last relationship was with a man who had a five year old son at the time. His son took to me right away. Everyone was amazed at how attached he became. I thought it was great, we were a happy little family. The son's mother wasn't happy to see that. Now when I look back, I think my ex gloated with his ex on how well their son and I were getting along. There have times when their little boy preferred to be with me, rather than with either of his parents. Anyways, my ex started becoming mean and angry towards me during the last month and a half of our relationship. I was going through a tough emotional time (my nephew was tragically killed and a close friend died of breast cancer a week prior) and needed his support. It was obvious that he didn't want to provide that support. He became more and more distant. I had to finally leave the situation immediately. That meant leaving his son abruptly too. I missed that little boy for months afterwards. It was one of the things I resented about my ex. He wanted me to have a good relationship with his son, then he didn't want that anymore. I often wonder how his son came to terms with the split. About 2 months after the breakup, my ex went into a new relationship. They got engaged about five months into their relationship. I see them from time to time, and noticed his son does not appear to have the same connection with her, as he did with me. I still carry feelings of sadness and anger, but I had to do what was right and healthy for me. I feel bad that his son had to go through the confusion of his father's romantic life. But oh well, I have to let it go and move on. Since I left him, I was able to rebuild my life and experience alot of new and exciting moments. I am stronger for it now.
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