hopeto Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Hey everyone.....I posted about being sexually abused when I was a child by my brother and finding out my husband just recent was looking at child porn. girls ages were 10 to 15. you will have to read back as some I posted as guest. well I am doing better than I thought!!!!!! I went to my first session with my counselor!!! it was very emotional but at the same time relief!!!! I am feeling much stronger now almost like I am blossoming in to the flower I need to be instead a balled up bud. I crossed my second trash hold today as I made the attempt to see the counselor(spelling not good sorry) the first was when I made the decesion to kick him out of the room and not deal with him. for those who don't know we live in a two story and he has the up and I have the down. we say very few words but they are nice because my daughter has enough to deal with seeing him sleep upstairs and me down. the doc said not to make any major decisions right now because of the state of confusion I am in. I need to clear it out first and deal with the issue at hand as long as we are not in any danger he said just let it ride and lets fix what we can with me to help at least get me started in the direction I need to be. very good man I saw today nice but very to the point. made me think of alot of things and I had a real good clean cry. not just a cry but a cleaning cry. so I will give another update as I go along. I have another appointment with him on Monday of the following week. so far so good but it was the first step in releasing myself from the hell I have be living. did find one thing today and that was a small not big at all a tiny piece of me. but guess what.......I found that piece so I know I will find another then another untill I am whole again.
lisapizza Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Hey there, trying to find you since you posted my thread last week. Thanks, you made me feel better-How ya doin today, did you see the counselor again?? My 2nd appt is tomorrow. Keep me UTD ok??
Author hopeto Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Hey there, trying to find you since you posted my thread last week. Thanks, you made me feel better-How ya doin today, did you see the counselor again?? My 2nd appt is tomorrow. Keep me UTD ok?? today is not a good day. I should have gone to the counslor yesterday(monday) but I was so slammed at work I could not go. I have been up all night crying and my eyes are swollen I think it is the holiday maybe cause I have not in 18 years been with out him. even though what he done I am dying inside today for some reason. cant seem to get a grip. trying real hard but not sure if I can. I am going out of town to get away for a couple of days just so I can breath but gosh I dont even want to go.but I am making me go and the baby too. she is excited. you know how when you go over a steep hill and you are driving in your car and it takes your tummy,well in my chest I feel that but is intense and it is all the time really like right now.I am trying...........I have good days and bad but today and last night and the night before has been terrible. I have not sleep maybe a total of 8 to 10 hours for both days and cant hold anything done on my stomach. just nerves I am sure. but GOD has granted me this day and I will try to use it wisely for tommorrow is not promised and yesterday is gone. anyway I will post later will be back on saturday.
Author hopeto Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 also seeing someone for his problem? says he dont have a problem and the problem lies with me being fat!!! I weigh maybe 150 with 10 pounds of that boobs. of course I will be fat compared to a ten year old or even a 15 year old. says we need marriage counsling that it was just courisoty(sorry spelling not so great). I know he is sorry and ashamed by the way he looks at me not sure how he is handling it inside. not sure what is going through his mind.having a very hard day today up for the past few nights crying and my eyes are swollen so. hopefuly the holiday will pass fast cause I know this is the reason for me being upset and just because of what he done does not stop 18 yrs of love. just wish I could just let go.
lisapizza Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Girl get a grip!! Start walking everyday...then when you've done that start running, even if it's just 2 min everyday, do it. You'll soon feel better and start to see things more clearly. He is going to try to blame you for all this but don't let him He's the one that needs help, not you. You need to go to counseling even if he does not so you can "open your eyes". You are strong and can make it no matter what you think now. That's why I looked for you to make sure you knew that. If you don't go to church, you might want to get involved in one a little at a time to also help you. Just know that you need to get a little stronger everyday, it won't happen overnight but it WILL happen...then you will know what YOU need to do!!
Author hopeto Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 Girl get a grip!! Start walking everyday...then when you've done that start running, even if it's just 2 min everyday, do it. You'll soon feel better and start to see things more clearly. He is going to try to blame you for all this but don't let him He's the one that needs help, not you. You need to go to counseling even if he does not so you can "open your eyes". You are strong and can make it no matter what you think now. That's why I looked for you to make sure you knew that. If you don't go to church, you might want to get involved in one a little at a time to also help you. Just know that you need to get a little stronger everyday, it won't happen overnight but it WILL happen...then you will know what YOU need to do!! hey, I am back from my trip and I had alot of time to think and when I got home I got my answer. I will have to make it on my own and I will do it. I came home to I was disgusting and that is why he was on the internet. what ever. his letter he wrote to me was all about him and how he can kick sombody's a** and all that. like a 10 year old being bullied and he decides to bully back. I give up. he says he is angrey with me because I told the school what was going on after he threatened me and that he knows I post here and that he reads my emails and he reads my post at I personaly know alll of you that post to my letter. what ever I give up!!! if you are reading now I give up........I am done. thanks for finding me. I will make it and I am getting stronger. going to see shawn today hope I can get to see him so. anyway I guess I will post later.
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