OD3 Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Last tuesday, i found out my girlfriend of 2 years wanted us to separate. I am 25 and she is 21. When we met each other, we fell head over heals in love, and until a month ago, all was perfect. We had the most amazing bond (and still do). I was the first person who ever made her had an orgasm and we had the best sex life i think possible. A perfect one. She moved in with me to our own flat straight from living with her mom (she has never lived on her own) and she says this is what it is all about. She still loves me, but needs to go live by herself to "find herself" again. She says for now it has to be over, because she wants to be single and alone (she has swore that there are no other love interests and she has no interest in being with a guy right now). She also said that she cannot give me an answer if we could try again. because she needs to first move out and be on her own to know what she is missing, and what she wants. Deep down, i feel she will realise that we were meant for each other and that the loved we shared was unbeleivable. She was my whole world and her leaving me has absolulelty devestated me. I couldnt go to work, i couldnt eat ( i still cant eat properly). Wake up shaking at 4 in the mornings and cant get back to sleep. Its terrible. She hasnt moved out yet, and I am moving out on thursday, so we havnt actually been apart yet. I am going to give her her space so that she can find herself again, and i just hope that when she realises what she wants, she will take me back. She said she still loves me and i have been perfect, but this is about her finding herself again. What are your opinions on this. Should I move on from the love of my life? Or should i cling onto the glimmer of hope that we might be together again? She said once all is settled and done, after a while, we can go on a date again and try again, but i dont know if shes trying to spare my feelings or not (she has never lied to me, she is very honest.)
Winfield Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 "She loves you" and "you're perfect"? Well, what better way for her to repay your good character than to tell you she wants to "find herself"! Not nice... If things were going that perfectly, she wouldn't have wanted a "trial separation" of sorts (I've never understood this "find myself" business which some people talk about - besides, what's to find?). And, while it will be difficult at first, you must respect her decision. There's nothing worse (or rather, more resentful) than a one sided relationship... That said, do for yourself as she's doing - take a break, re-evaluate things (ie, think: were you really happy with the way things were going recently?), do things which you haven't had the chance to while you were in a relationship... Of course she'll be on your mind when you initially take a break - but just take each day as it comes, don't try to read into things too much (as this is a total waste of time), and (OK, it's an old saying, but very true) if things are meant to be, then they're meant to be! If you are going to hold out for her though, don't hold out for too long - the deal must be: if she wants to get herself happy, then you must do the same (it's only fair). Good luck!
YellowLioness Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 I've seen an awful lot of threads begin this way. My advice is to let her do her own thing: don't beg, plead, stalk, pester, tell her you love her, ask her out on dates, etc. Instead, appear calm, collected, and happy with your life. If you do not, you will freak her out. If she's going through an emotional time, the last thing she'll want is your pain and suffering shoved in her face time and time again. Logically, why would she want to be around you if she knows she causes you pain? Just some thoughts. Good luck!
Author OD3 Posted November 14, 2006 Author Posted November 14, 2006 Thank you for the kind works people. There has been a new development. An "add on" to the situation. She came home last night from her moms, and we had not seen each other in 5 days. The longest we have been apart in 2 years. When she saw me she had tears in her eyes and she hugged me for a good 2 minutes. I think the reality has hit her that I will be moved out on Thursday and I can see that she is realising what she is losing. We sat and chatted really nicely with glass of wine, and I was so strong i surpised myself and we got the to bottom of the situation. (if she is telling me the truth, which i beleive she is). Us living on our own for a while is a good thing. We love each other, and are still attracted to each other. She regards me a perfect and she actually kissed my (by accident i think) and appologised. Living with her we got "used" to each other. Took each other for granted. And now that its ending, we both are realising what we are losing. True Love. Like we both have never experienced before. She does not want for another man. She has this "desire" inside her, since seh has never lived on her own, to for the first time be independent. and not be in a "joint partership". And she has said she is going to take 2 weeks on her own and really think about herself, about me and about us. She has sworn that there will be no guys involved, because she still loves me. I suggested after i move out, we keep contact to a minimum, so that when we are feeling lonely, we must fight the urge to contact each other for comfort for at least 2 weeks. Then, we can maybe go out for a drink and see which way things have turned. I love her, she loves me. We are both incredibly attracted to each other, and we are each others best friends. (this we now know) Does this seem like there could still be a chance? If we went out again, it would be like dating again and i think it will put the spark back. What do you think?
Krying Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 If someone truly loves another, then being apart from them would feel like you're missing a lung. So this whole "I need to find myself" to me honestly, feels hollow. Same with the old standby "it's not you, it's me" and "I feel like I'm losing my independence". No woman on earth would let a man go she felt was perfect. No one. Not only that, if she truly truly loved you, the idea of spending a mere minute apart from you would be intolerable. To me it sounds like she knows she has a good thing with you, but in order for her to make the final commitment for a longer term relationship ie. marriage (I assume you guys where headed that way), she maybe feels she has to get out there and taste a few relationships in order to know for sure. None of the things you mentioned like "getting used to each other", and "taking it for granted" are real reasons. I think she is being nice with you so as not to lose you. But the reality is she is still leaving you! She has enough doubts that she feels she has to leave the relationship. This should be a little red flag for you. No matter how perfect it was (and there is NEVER a prefect relationship), she is leaving you. So something is up here. You may feel she is telling you the truth 100%, but like I experienced myself, women can be so kind, pretty, charming and also deceiving all at once. I don't wish this kind of relationship pain on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. Fight the good fight. Fight for her, tell her you love her. There will be people who say go NC, go out on dates, make her jealous etc. I'm not one of those. If you love someone, you fight for them irrespective of self pride. You would do anything for that person and I for one am not sorry I expressed those feelings to my ex. It made no difference in the end, but I was honest and faithful to her to the very end despite how cruel and selfish she was. You happily don't seem to have that kind of problem. The fact the two of you are still communicating nicely is a good sign. However, I would still be a little puzzled as to why she really wants to leave you. Some people don't ever "find themselves" until they meet their significant other. That person brings out things in them they never knew they had. So to me I'm puzzled someone would actually want to leave their love who they felt was perfect. Clearly it's not perfect as no one in this world would ever walk about from such a person. Good luck my friend. I hope she realizes very quickly what a nice guy you are and snaps out of her mind games.
Author OD3 Posted November 16, 2006 Author Posted November 16, 2006 So, I move out on Saturday and we have been seeing each other at home for a few hours every evening (we do not speak during work times). We have been rally enjoying these last few days together before we go apart for a few weeks of NC. She keeps telling me how she is going to miss me, and how she nearly kissed me several times, and had to stop herself. She even said she doesnt know sometimes what she is doing because she still feels the same way for me. (attracted to me, thinks im sexy, loves my company etc). I have put on a very brave face and not questioned her and been very blaze' but polite and friendly about everything. I can see she is very scared about losing me. But i will not give in and question her about anything. I am being the nicest, most helpful and supportive person i can to her. I know she needs to do this thing and go live on her own for a while. She later said that she felt "more yes than no" that we could get back together, and that after 2 weeks apart, she will contact me and we can go for drinks and see how things are, wether we need more time apart etc.. I dont get this, and i dont think she does either. We LOVE each other, and we are incredibly attracted to each other. It was the living in each others pockets that ended it. We both agreed that if we didnt live together, (which is the idea now) there is a chance we could work it out, and start again. I just hope this is how she really feels. She wouldnt lie to me, as we are still best friends, even though we arnt together now. My only hope is that she will take me back one day. But I will never tell her this...
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