acujenny Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 I'm moving to the USA from Australia to be with fiance (in about 1 1/2 yr). I would have to start my nursing career there (I have to study and pass NCLEX exam), I would have to leave my family and my friends. He has a stable job already and a house so it would be easier for me to move. I'm completely for it but I worry that I'm going to be resentful towards him because I'm making such a huge sacrifice. Any advice, I would greatly appreciate. Thank-you for reading
Guest Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 If you choose to look at it as 'sacrifice' then yes, you'll become resentful. If, instead, you look at it as 'opportunity' the two of you will do fine.
sao2 Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 You have every right to feel the way you do and it does not make you weird or different or even a bad person. I suggest you talk with him about what you are feeling, chances are he imagines you have feelings of the sort. That said these feelings won't just go away, part of getting involved with someone is getting involved with them in spite of the reservations you may have about the relationship. I guess the only advice I am really giving is just get over it or let go. It seems like you are all for this and just getting a little jittery, well those jitters aren't just going to go away, you just have to do it anyways.
Deborah Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 I can completely understand your feelings on this one. I'm in a similar situation with my fiance who lives in the US (I in the UK) though mine is a little more involved since my 19 year old daughter is settled and working in the UK and doesn't want to consider moving to another country at least until her studies are complete in 2 years. So, it can be difficult especially when you consider everything you've grown to know is back is your own country. The way I look at it is if you love someone and want to be with them, then deciding to go will at least give you the chance to see how you are together day or day so to speak (this can be a lot different from seeing each other every few months). The first time I spent a few months over in the US, it took a lot of getting used to, particularly cultural changes (you wouldn't think it but even in countries that speak the same language, the differences in people/values can take you by surprise!). You need a good support network and of course having your fiance there is the first and most important support for you. However you want to embrace it, a global move can sometimes leave you feeling anxious so I would advise that if at all possible you try and make arrangements to return and see your family/friends after a few months (at least initially). It can be your saving grace especially when and if you feel nervous about getting used to the changes. I wish you the best of luck with your career and your future partnership. Deborah:)
PussInHeels Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 It's a really tough situation, but it can be worth it. My husband is from Spain and he came to the US to start his career, but I guess he stayed because of me. His family is over there, and for the longest time he was kind of up in the air, not knowing if Immigration will accept his case at all, and not knowing how it would work with his career. And then he met me, so he decided to stay and adjust his status to permanent resident so he wouldn't have to do the J-1 visa (he'd have to go back for 2 years). You'd think it would make things easier, but it really didn't. My family wasn't approving of the marriage at first, and I lost a friend over it (she was a b*tch anyhow ), and we had the lamest lawyer ever, so there were a lot times we felt nothing was working in our favor. There was even a point when we thought he was screwed because the work permit didn't look like it was coming in time to start the job he had accepted. Then everything kind of fell into place at the last minute, and I'm glad we decided to do this. My husband misses his family and he talks to them whenever possible, but he has also gained a new family from me ( my mom even likes to get on his nerves the same way she does with me ). So it's difficult, and you may wonder if you made the right choice. But if you and your fiance are supposed to be together, you gain quite a bit where you have lost.
Elyssa Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I am from Spain as well, I moved to the US to be with my then-boyfriend after a very long LDR. At the time we met and all through our LDR, I was financially secure, owned (still do) my own home there and had a great career. On the other hand, he was still trying to figure out what to do with his life (kind of a late started, dropped out of college then went back several years after). More importantly, he did not speak Spanish at all. Now, the region where I lived had their own language. No, not a dialect of Spanish, but a whole separate language, and it is practically mandatory by law for workers to know this language if they are to be hired. This proved to be too much of an obstacle for him. I am trilingual and despite his various attempts at learning Spanish so, at least, he could move here and start studying, it wasn't working. Then one day I got tired of it all and took a decision. I told my boss I was leaving in a month, sold my shares of the business back to the company and made arrangements to move to the US. I landed to stay in the US a month and a half after that, got married two weeks after. Kind of rash, right? I find the best decisions of my life have been made like this. Let your heart guide you. Yes, sometimes you will resent the decision, especially when you have a fight with him and think "and I gave up my life at home for this?!". No matter. Every day you wake up next to him, and remember the pain of the separation when you weren't together, will make it worth it. As for the change of culture... Oh dear... that was the worst for me. At first when I landed here, I kept trying to find the foods I was used to, the entertainment I was used to ("what do you mean the closest opera house is 5 hours away?!" haha man.. must've been funny to see my face), etc. I kept fighting the change, trying to hold on to what I knew and never giving a chance to try new things. Then I experienced an epiphany again. Sort of like when I decided to move here. I realized the moment I had left home I had left all that behind, and I was here to stay until my husband finished college, so I better start making the most of it or our life was going to be miserable. So, the best advice I can give you is... don't fight it. Look at everything around you with curiosity, be eager to learn, to experience the cultural differences and revel in the richness of that exchange rather than allowing it to bring you down with nostalgia. Best of luck. It will take you a while to get adjusted, but you will do just fine. -Elyssa
Craig Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 What if he does not marry you? What if you and he break up after you arrive in the U.S., what would you do? How are you legally getting into the country and are your rights to leave and re-enter affected? There are a lot of questions you need to have answers for just in case things do not turn out like you hoped.
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