A different perspective on NC

[Krying]

I wish I'd found this site before I experienced the pain of a recent failed relationship. However one thing that I have to say is this... NC only works for the dumper and not the dumpee. The dumpee has no power whatsoever in the relationship as the person they loved has left them. So them not contacting the dumper, makes no difference at all in trying to make them miss you, get them back in your life etc.

 

My ex left me to go back to her ex. She admitted I had done no wrong and couldn't even come up with an explanation as to why she ended the relationship. Apart from the obvious that she was not over her ex, we had not problems at all. NC would and made no difference in out case. Why? Because NC only works when people either don't know what they want, or realize they have made a mistake in their relationship. It did not work in my case as the dumper (my ex), knew exactly what she wanted. Me not contacting her made no difference whatsoever. She couldn't and didn't give a damn about me. Me not contacting her in fact made it easier for her to move on and not feel so guilty over how she treated me.

 

I don't deny NC has worked for many people. The same can be said for those who were honest too and revealed to their loved one just how they felt about them. I don't think any method is the proper one. It all comes down to the situation and what kind of people you both are.

 

However, the more I read about NC and how if you adhere to it, you can get another chance, to me seems a bit of a pipe dream.

[panzer6]

My ex told me to get lost about 5 months ago. So thats exactly what i did. I never called her in any way shape or form. I was doing quite well actually. All of a sudden 1 night she calls me !!! She acts like nothing happened, says she was thinking about me and wanted to talk to me. So this goes on for about 3 weeks, phone calls and text messages. Finally she asks me to come out 1 night and she proceeds to treat me like crap. I really couldn't understand what she wanted from me. Anyway, it's been 2 weeks and I have not heard from her and I have made no attempt at calling her. I'm pretty pissed at her for what she did. I'm all for being friends but a friendship requires mutual respect. She doesn't seem capable of giving me that. Her birthday is on the 15th of Nov. I will not be calling her. It'sad really. It makes me feel lousy. But these things have their own center of gravity. I'm tired of fighting, I just want to be happy. Not asking for too much am I ? Anyway, NC can make your ex miss you and try to contact you. It doesn't mean they want you back, it just means that in some small way they still care about you. I know she still loves me but she doesn't want to be with me because of all the crap. I feel the same.

[Diver012]

NC shouldn't be about winning your Ex Back. Thats just a game to me that most people lose in the first place. NC is about moving on with your life. If an Ex comes back after not hearing from you for a while, stop and think to yourself do you really want someone in your life that dumped you in the first place? Why did they dump you? How can you be sure it wouldnt happen again? What kinda changes will both of you make if you decide to make another go at it?

 

NC is about letting go and moving on. Dont look back and live a good life. JMHO ofcourse.

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

NC is about letting go and moving on.

 

Ditto! It's so much easier to get over someone when your memory of them can fade over time. I'm so glad my ex moved to Oregon because if I had to keep running into him, I would have never gotten over him!

[Krying]

NC can be a great way and method to get over someone when it's truly over. I guess what I've seen alot of lately is people using it to win back the ex. Go NC and you'll see they say... just wait it out and they will come running back to you...

 

If you're the one who got dumped, and want your ex back in your life, NC won't make any difference. The only way that will happen is if the dumper realizes they made a mistake and want you back. What you do from there is your business as to whether you want to give the relationship another go or not.

 

NC is very situational. It appears to work on the people who don't know what they want, thus the NC makes them feel they have lost that person. Ah what do I know lol. I'm just a ****kicker who got his heart broken.

[WiseOne]

Of course, Nc dependz on what the sistuation is, but if the person cared about you before, or ever even loved you NC is best.

 

For a person who never cared about you in the first place NC wouldnt do you know good and even would staying in contact with the person.

 

NC only works in certain sistuation, like people who are lost and dun know what they want.

 

In my entire life i have never seen a couple get back together without NC, staying in contact with the ex only brings heartbreak and more confusion and often you end up gettin strung around and end up on the backburner. (A 2ND PLAN)

 

It is true that NC is not sure to bring the person back but it greatens the chances. How can the person miss you or see how great they had it, or realize that they were wrong.

 

If you keep in contact with them its never gonna happen.

[WiseOne]

Alot of people ask me why NC doesnt work, or you dont get any process with it.

 

Its simple if the person never loved you to begin or with its not gonna make them fall in love with you. Or if you dont get back together it could be alot of reasons. And trust me i know i had a ex gf once who did NC on me, and it didnt work, becuz i just didnt feel that way about her.

 

ANSWER THIS QUESTION FOR ME, WHO HEre HAS SEEN A COUPLE GET BACK TOGETHER FROM A REAL BREAKUP "NOT A LIL CHILDISH BREAKUP" BUT A REAL BREAKUP, WHO HAS SEEN THAT HAPPEN WITHOUT NC EVEN IF APPLIED A SHORT TIME?????????? ................Point Proven Case Closed

 

NC JUST GREATENS THE CHANCES

[Krying]

NC does appear to be a good method to both move on from a person and also to see if that person really does miss you. My point was in my case and others I've seen it actually makes no difference. If someone wants to be with you, they will do whatever it takes to achieve that. NC in a way just seems like a game if you are using it for the sole purpose of getting back with a person. If you are doing it to get over the hurt and pain from breaking up, then it certainly is effective.

[D-Lish]

I tend to agree, if someone doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you, they'll never come back no matter what.

 

I have had many exes contact me after I applied NC. But it has never led to reconcilation. Usually, either they want to get back together and I have moved on~ or we try for a short period of time and it falls apart again.

 

If there is doubt in the dumper's mind, then NC gives them a wake up call and allows them to realize they miss you. If there is no doubt in their mind and they want to move on, then NC gives the dumpee a safe avenue to move on.

[WiseOne]

D-Lish And Krying are right.

 

Thanks people i knew yall would see were im coming from, and thats were i get my name from "WISEONE":D