Aurora0219 Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 I am 41 and suffer from depression and am bi-polar. My significant other is the same age and has dealt with depression all his life. I am the bread winner at home and have a 20 year old daughter who is bi-polar type 2 and a healthy 15 year old son. (Fingers crossed) I don't know if I am easy to live with or not. I feel that I don't put pressure on anyone, but I know I get moody and my significant other has convinced me I am a horrible person to live with, but he insists he loves me for life. I have a succesful job and don't seem to have problems getting along with anyone socially. I love to be around people and they seem to love to be around me. I know this is different from 24/7, but thats my perception. I recently hit rock bottom and was hospitalized, voluntarily, for 4 days in a psych ward. When I cam home I found out my s/o (significant other) and my daughter has been playing around with bondage and she has given him head. My worries are as follows (many more): My s/o says this happened because of a fetish he has and I have intimacy problems that have prevented us from having sexual relations for 3 years. (I want sex but there is something about me that makes him not want to have sex with me) (No I am not a horror show..he says I am an attractive intelligent woman)...he also says if we split up his life is over. He expects me to not be angry or hurt anymore by what happened (less than a week) he does not acknowledge my birthday, my christmas, valentines day, anniversaries, etc. He expects me to accept this. He is not affectionate. He does not cuddle, kiss, etc. He has made seemingly no effort to talk to me about what happened in terms of feeling he was at fault. I believe I can forgive them both for what happened (my daughter lives with me too and I support her financially), I have started new medications and am starting to feel better, but I am afraid I am no longer in love with him. I am so lost and do not know what to do or where to turn. I cannot talk to anyone but my therapist, because I am afraid anyone else who knows us could not forgive him or my daughter. I am interested in talking about this and trying to come to a resolution that will not kill my s/o or hurt me any more. there is alot of background here that I have not covered because it is deep and long.
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Keep talking to your therapist, and maybe some marriage counselling could help too. Can I ask? Is it a one time thing, your SO and your daughter? I think you need to find out exactly what's been going on and for how long. Also, you cannot be responsible for your SO's actions if you choose to end it with him. He needs counselling badly, what he has done is WRONG! Your daughter may have been taken advantage of. It was wrong of him to turn to her, and tell you that it was more or less your fault because of lack of sex, or his fetishes. How is your daughter handling all this? I wish you the best, sorry I don't think I"m much help, but I felt the need to reply to your post.
LakesideDream Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 You don't need advice. You know what has happened and what needs to be done. Your S/O and daughter having bondage sex? Time to Leave, if your daughter is underage, time to call the cops. Don't make a drama outta this... Leave.
Author Aurora0219 Posted November 13, 2006 Author Posted November 13, 2006 My daughter is 20 and bi-polar, so easier to forgive. This was a one time thing. My s/o and I have been together for almost 5 years and he has said he regrets what happened because of the misery he caused for himself? I am not sure. As far as the other post. Ending a relationship is not something you just know to do. I don't intend to make it a drama, but unfortuneately it is and it is a painful drama.
Mr. Lucky Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 I don't intend to make it a drama, but unfortuneately it is and it is a painful drama. I think LakesideDream's point is that it only becomes a drama if you let it. And how dramatic it gets and to what degree it affects you is all under your control. Any SO that cheated on me while I was hospitalized (regardles of whether or not they "love me for life") would be out. And any SO that cheated on me under those circumstances with my own child would be out and find his/her stuff in flames on the front lawn. To sum up: Your non-working SO (that you support), who says you are terrible to be with and finds you sexually unattractive while ignoring your needs and birthdays, has cheated on and betrayed you by taking sexual advantage of your bi-polar daughter while you were in the hospital. And you're worried about hurting him with a messy break-up? Wow... Mr. Lucky
norajane Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 When I cam home I found out my s/o (significant other) and my daughter has been playing around with bondage and she has given him head. Oh, hell no!! Whatever bull**** he's spewing to justify this, it's just that - bull****. Kick this loser out of your life immediately and maybe have a talk with your daughter about healthy boundaries.
LakesideDream Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 I don't really care whether you "forgive" your 20 year old "multi-polar" daughter or not. While a MAJOR part of the problem, she will always be your "multi polar" daughter. The one you can deal with is the "S/O" who betrayed you and all the rules of an orderly society for his own satisfaction. Kick the jerk to the curb, and begin wallowing in the "polar drama" with your daughter. You don't owe this scumbag a thing. While not a solution it's a start.
Guest Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 To sum up: Your non-working SO (that you support), who says you are terrible to be with and finds you sexually unattractive while ignoring your needs and birthdays, has cheated on and betrayed you by taking sexual advantage of your bi-polar daughter while you were in the hospital. Look at the above and ask yourself, what are you getting out of this relationship anyhow? It sounds like he does not respect you at all and from the look of things you don't have much self-respect ethier to allow a man to treat you like this. Get rid of him, he is no good.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 Keep talking to your therapist, and maybe some marriage counselling could help too. Can I ask? Is it a one time thing, your SO and your daughter? I think you need to find out exactly what's been going on and for how long. Also, you cannot be responsible for your SO's actions if you choose to end it with him. He needs counselling badly, what he has done is WRONG! Your daughter may have been taken advantage of. It was wrong of him to turn to her, and tell you that it was more or less your fault because of lack of sex, or his fetishes. How is your daughter handling all this? I wish you the best, sorry I don't think I"m much help, but I felt the need to reply to your post. I agree with WWIU 200%!!! What this man did was SICK!!!
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