NoFoolNomore Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Hi All, I just thought id vent as i have no other outlet to do so. Over the Weekend was my birthday... YOu would think it would be <b> one of the best days of my life<b/> as i turned 25. Was not... This year was the first year MM didn't call me to greet me happy birthday. Stupid to whine yes. i know... BUT it doesn't change the face it hurt. I am now letting go.... I cant go through this again... IF you LOVE someone you would want to spend the special day w/ them, right? I want to be happy.... i just don't know where to turn to find that... going through this crap alone.. you would think ill be used to it.. Please Help...
whichwayisup Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 IF you LOVE someone you would want to spend the special day w/ them, right? Not if the person you are loving is married. Sorry to say this, but he has a wife and even though your head may get that, obviously your heart and emotions don't. Either accept your relationship with him as it is - You're the other woman, or end it. Not too sure how old your MM is, but you're young and should be finding a single man to be with you, not some married man! Think about your future, do you want children? Does he have children already with his wife? Does he want more children? Has he promised to leave her for you? Think long term, not in the moment...Your affair with him is going to mess you up, as well as his family. Seek therapy if need you to, to help you cope when you do decide to end it with him. He will only bring you pain...As much as you may love him, he will still hurt you because he's married and really isn't in ANY position to be making promises to you.
kellyp1 Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Happy Birthday! Sometimes hitting bottom is exactly what is needed to get out of a bad situation. Use the energy to get yourself away from him and find a great single guy. My MM/friend remembered my birthday and I got to spend the evening with he and his wife. It was actually fun, they bought me a movie and watched it with my roommate and I. It made me see what a good guy he really is and I try to remember that is why he and I are not letting our situation go any further. Be true to yourself first and find what makes you happy. At the end of the day, there is nothing any one person can do that can really affect your individual happiness. You are the one in control. Every day is a choice, choose to be happy with yourself and lose the MM.
Freedom Now Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Get angry. Get indignant. You deserve better than this. It is true. You deserve a man who WANTS to be there for your birthday, and better yet, IS there for your birthday. Don't settle any longer. Get out now.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 You already know that MM is a jerk...there's no reason he couldn't have called and at the very least wished you a happy birthday...some people just think birthdays aren't that important but it is apparent that they are important to you and MM could have made a better, considerate choice... that he didn't says alot... Happiness is where you find it...and that should start from within...if you allow people to treat you badly, they will...think about what you think will make you happy and then how you are going to attain it...happiness is not a constant state of being, focus instead on feeling peace with your decisions and your life...good luck...
Guest Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Happy Birthday! Sometimes hitting bottom is exactly what is needed to get out of a bad situation. Use the energy to get yourself away from him and find a great single guy. My MM/friend remembered my birthday and I got to spend the evening with he and his wife. It was actually fun, they bought me a movie and watched it with my roommate and I. It made me see what a good guy he really is and I try to remember that is why he and I are not letting our situation go any further. Be true to yourself first and find what makes you happy. At the end of the day, there is nothing any one person can do that can really affect your individual happiness. You are the one in control. Every day is a choice, choose to be happy with yourself and lose the MM. Thank You. Its good that i have a large family to may the day good. But no knows what i went through OR going through now... used to good ol' excuse of being tired....works all the time... I see MM & his W pretty much everyday...except i dont communicate w/ the W.. she hated me the first time she saw me.. [TRUE]..! your situation much be so much to handle... i really don't know if i can do the movies w/ MM & the W... Ill be too busy to look at the gestures to each other for any sign of trouble ot LOVING signs... you gets me?... IT has come to the stage were i cant even look at my phone anymore... to much agony..... I just don't know what i want Now... i never thought i would be in this situation w/ anyone... I am just to tired crying myself to sleep nearly every nite....
whichwayisup Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Sorry if my post reply to you was harsh. I know you're in pain and very upset. What is it that you want from him? Think about this. And, has he ever given you any indication that he doesn't love his wife and will leave her for you? If so, maybe you need to read some other posts by OW in this section. The chances of him leaving are really slim. You deserve better, and I hope someday soon you gather the strength to leave him for good. PS If you are going to post more, maybe join as a member? Your posts will come up sooner as well.
nofoolnomore Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 You already know that MM is a jerk...there's no reason he couldn't have called and at the very least wished you a happy birthday...some people just think birthdays aren't that important but it is apparent that they are important to you and MM could have made a better, considerate choice... that he didn't says alot... Happiness is where you find it...and that should start from within...if you allow people to treat you badly, they will...think about what you think will make you happy and then how you are going to attain it...happiness is not a constant state of being, focus instead on feeling peace with your decisions and your life...good luck... All My LIfe. I have dreamed of the perfect men. MY MCDREAMY.. i have never thought that it would be him. OR i thought it would be him. I thought i was stronger than this... i never thought i would be the one of those girls that curls up in bed cryin ova a boy... i hate it...
nofoolnomore Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Sorry if my post reply to you was harsh. I know you're in pain and very upset. What is it that you want from him? Think about this. And, has he ever given you any indication that he doesn't love his wife and will leave her for you? If so, maybe you need to read some other posts by OW in this section. The chances of him leaving are really slim. You deserve better, and I hope someday soon you gather the strength to leave him for good. PS If you are going to post more, maybe join as a member? Your posts will come up sooner as well. Thank You so much. basically i needed the blunt approach... I don't want to live in dream world anymore of where happiness only last a second instead of a lifetime..... i need someone to grant my birthday wishes.. that i have been wishing for the past 2 years.... my mum always told be to be careful for what u wish for... explain please...
kellyp1 Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Get out and leave your cell phone behind. Go hang with the girls, shop, drive to the beach/mountains/day spa and just spend time enjoying the day but don't take your cell. When I find myself in that place, I will leave the cell in my car as I spend an hour or two in the mall. I force myself to get enough space to put things into perspective. The pain is so bad for you right now that you are not seeing things from the right perspective. It will get better, just make the decision you need to move on. And once you let it go, really let it go. Let him call and don't answer it - you deserve someone who not only remembers your birthday but actually takes you on a nice birthday date.
nofoolnomore Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Get out and leave your cell phone behind. Go hang with the girls, shop, drive to the beach/mountains/day spa and just spend time enjoying the day but don't take your cell. When I find myself in that place, I will leave the cell in my car as I spend an hour or two in the mall. I force myself to get enough space to put things into perspective. The pain is so bad for you right now that you are not seeing things from the right perspective. It will get better, just make the decision you need to move on. And once you let it go, really let it go. Let him call and don't answer it - you deserve someone who not only remembers your birthday but actually takes you on a nice birthday date. Right now i am at work... My close friends just took me out to lunch & gave me pressies...=) cheered me up abit... i need to get to the stage to where i hate him & the very thought of him... ill get there... eventually right?
Jane Doe Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Yes, you will get there -- if you leave this guy behind and have no more contact with him whatsoever. Anything less will leave you in misery.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 All My LIfe. I have dreamed of the perfect men. MY MCDREAMY.. i have never thought that it would be him. OR i thought it would be him. I thought i was stronger than this... i never thought i would be the one of those girls that curls up in bed cryin ova a boy... i hate it... You ARE strong...you will get through it...crying is a way of grieving and there is NOTHING wrong with it...take your time and grieve, the same way you would through any other break-up...
nofoolnomore Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 You ARE strong...you will get through it...crying is a way of grieving and there is NOTHING wrong with it...take your time and grieve, the same way you would through any other break-up... Usually,when someone grieves they have ppl to help them every step of the way.... i have no one that will help me through this... parents/friends... I am on my own... How can someone be strong..? w/ no one there egging u on... MM didn't even try to call today... MAYBE he forgot, MAYBE he just doesn't care... Am i being childish? wanting him to remember my bday?
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Then keep posting here, there's enough people to remind you NOT to call him. Plus, venting and getting it out will help you get through this. You DO have friends, today they bought you presents! So, make sure you talk to them too. Married man or not, this is just how men are at times. My husband has forgotten my birthday afew times, so has my brother.
nofoolnomore Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Then keep posting here, there's enough people to remind you NOT to call him. Plus, venting and getting it out will help you get through this. You DO have friends, today they bought you presents! So, make sure you talk to them too. Married man or not, this is just how men are at times. My husband has forgotten my birthday afew times, so has my brother. I have never been the person to call him. I dont even have his number. i deleted it on my mobile long time agoo... he calls me... I guess my greatest test would be WHEN/IF he calls again... i dont know how to approach that.. Fear of the unknown... =/
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Usually,when someone grieves they have ppl to help them every step of the way.... i have no one that will help me through this... parents/friends... I am on my own... How can someone be strong..? w/ no one there egging u on... MM didn't even try to call today... MAYBE he forgot, MAYBE he just doesn't care... Am i being childish? wanting him to remember my bday? YOU can be strong in yourself...just tell yourself that YOU will make it through...if you really need someone to be a cheerleader for you, you could try sharing it with someone that might understand...this happens more than you think... WWIU is right...come here and post... You're not being childish about wanting him to be considerate and meet your needs...it just seems like he's not willing to do that...he is married and if you want him to treat you better, you have to be willing to walk away...then he knows you mean business and you know whether he cares enough by his willingness or unwillingness to meet you somewhere in between... I know you're hurting and you sound very young...YOU CAN DO THIS (get over him), if you want to...
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 You're not being childish about wanting him to be considerate and meet your needs...it just seems like he's not willing to do that...he is married and if you want him to treat you better, you have to be willing to walk away I agree 100%. He can't give you what you want. And you do deserve to have it all, a man who cherishes you and puts you first. Not some married guy who is great in the sack! Cry, vent, scream...Do that over and over again until you can't cry anymore and then pick yourself up and DO something fun. Anything, go shopping, see friends, buy a viberator!! (Hope that made you laugh!) Treat this like a death. Sorry to sound morbid, but if you want to get over him, this may help you get over him in the sense of never allowing yourself to be around him or talk to him again.
nofoolnomore Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 I agree 100%. He can't give you what you want. And you do deserve to have it all, a man who cherishes you and puts you first. Not some married guy who is great in the sack! Cry, vent, scream...Do that over and over again until you can't cry anymore and then pick yourself up and DO something fun. Anything, go shopping, see friends, buy a viberator!! (Hope that made you laugh!) Treat this like a death. Sorry to sound morbid, but if you want to get over him, this may help you get over him in the sense of never allowing yourself to be around him or talk to him again. I like the sound of that. A viberator..?? thats a thought...!!! cannot be disappointed there aye?.. ha ha Nah, i need time to i guess grow... to do a self discovery of where i want to be in the future w/ or w/o him... the funny thing is that b4 he used to be insecure that other guys would talk to me & will ALWAYS accuse me of flirting..... while i was w/ him... other guys just disappeared & he cant graspd that.... we neva talked abt him leaving his W... i knw it would be to complicated.... BUT i jsut cant shake the thought that he was the one i was to be w/...stupid aye... talk about an illusion...=) i dont want to talk to him again.l.. BUT apart of me still missess him... i am so messed up...!!!
PoshPrincess Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Right now i am at work... My close friends just took me out to lunch & gave me pressies...=) cheered me up abit... i need to get to the stage to where i hate him & the very thought of him... ill get there... eventually right? You WILL get there eventually, promise you, but yes, it does take time and lots of determination. My MM forgot my birthday too. That was 6 months ago and it really hurt. We are now finished though, and I have finally found a great SG who treats me like a princess and can give me the time and attention that I deserve. It took me a long time to get my head round everything but one day something just clicked, and it will for you too. I felt like I was never going to get over it but every day I am getting there. I still think about him, of course - he was an important part of my life - but I knew for my own sanity that I had to move on and get over him. Our R was doing neither of us any good. Just lots of pain, hurt, anger, tears etc for both of us and for his family. Every day I don't contact him is one step closer to being 100% over him. I still miss him and part of me always will and I can't hate him because he has never intentionally hurt me. I just hope he is happy and is trying to sort his life out as I am. As someone else's reply said, men ARE pretty useless with this sort of thing so maybe wait and see whether he has an explanation and see if he tries to make it up to you. Whatever happens, you DO deserve to be spending your birthday with someone that you truly love, but also someone who loves you and can be with you EXCLUSIVELY. Your MM can't and never will be able to unless he leaves his W to be with you. You deserve better. Happy Birthday!
kellyp1 Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 I know it doesn't seem like it but remember the pain if you have ever had anyone really close to you die in your life. You can't imagine them not being a part of your life, your heart feels like it is going to break, and even though you never forget them, you are able to smile, laugh and enjoy life again. That is the only thing I can equate it to, he has to die to you, however harsh that sounds. I wish I could go back to 25 knowing what I know now. At 25, there are so many more men around you your own age then will ever be there later in life. Don't waste the opportunities that are probably all around you over some guy that doesn't appreciate you! If you sign up as a member and need someone to listen, you can PM me.
nofoolnomore Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 I know it doesn't seem like it but remember the pain if you have ever had anyone really close to you die in your life. You can't imagine them not being a part of your life, your heart feels like it is going to break, and even though you never forget them, you are able to smile, laugh and enjoy life again. That is the only thing I can equate it to, he has to die to you, however harsh that sounds. I wish I could go back to 25 knowing what I know now. At 25, there are so many more men around you your own age then will ever be there later in life. Don't waste the opportunities that are probably all around you over some guy that doesn't appreciate you! If you sign up as a member and need someone to listen, you can PM me. Just wandering has anyone going through the process of recovering ever took there anger on other ppl... i found that i am more easily angered & more direct than i used to be w/ ppl that i care about. i just dont know whats wrong w/ me... The funny thing is that whist i was w/ MM i had guys coming left, right & centre... & it has come the point where MM would take my mob of me & answer my phones on private numbers... eventually i lost them all not by choice.... i think he thought he was being romantic.... =) BLEH..! Im to scared to have a R now... I love & miss him at the same time. My friends all thought the R was over the past couple of months & that i was doin better as i have always had a smile on my face & crackin jokes... thats why i cannot tell them whats going on its like a set back... & a sign of weakness... right? I would like to be a Member. But at this stage i dont think i can provide any insight to anyones situation.... Im so messed up now...! dont want to mess anyone else up...
kellyp1 Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 If your friends can't see you weak, who can? Friends are there because they love you, all your faults included! They know that not everyone is going to get the game of love right all the time (and some, not ever). I have to tell you, I did not tell any of my friends about my feelings for MM. I found myself wanting to be around them less thinking they could see what was in my heart. I ended up telling one of my friends and her husband and they told me they had suspected the feelings all along because they saw how he and I would look at each other. D'oh! I could have been coming to them for support all along! I am now forcing myself to go out more with my friends and have fun. Even though what has happened between my MM and I has only been almost 5 months and things never got physical, it still hurts at the end of the day that we can't be together. I can't even imagine the pain if we had even shared a kiss. You've got to get out and embrace life and the love your friends have for you. Maybe they will give you a little grief for not saying something sooner but at the end of the day, they are there for you. And you don't need to announce it to all your friends, pick one you trust that you can talk to.
sb129 Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Hey- just to let you know- I have been there. I was with a MM. He even left his W for me. But he just wanted someone to fill a gap. He cooked a ready meal for my birthday- and that was after I broke up with him and he was trying to woo me back!!!! No chance. We deserve better. You are 25. Young! And the whole world is ahead of you. It WILL get better. I promise. Time is the greatest healer of all. Cheesy but so true.
nofoolnomore Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 If your friends can't see you weak, who can? Friends are there because they love you, all your faults included! They know that not everyone is going to get the game of love right all the time (and some, not ever). I have to tell you, I did not tell any of my friends about my feelings for MM. I found myself wanting to be around them less thinking they could see what was in my heart. I ended up telling one of my friends and her husband and they told me they had suspected the feelings all along because they saw how he and I would look at each other. D'oh! I could have been coming to them for support all along! I am now forcing myself to go out more with my friends and have fun. Even though what has happened between my MM and I has only been almost 5 months and things never got physical, it still hurts at the end of the day that we can't be together. I can't even imagine the pain if we had even shared a kiss. You've got to get out and embrace life and the love your friends have for you. Maybe they will give you a little grief for not saying something sooner but at the end of the day, they are there for you. And you don't need to announce it to all your friends, pick one you trust that you can talk to. Actually, that how it happened w/ me & MM... our feelings were seen b4 we even knew it.... & when we acknd it was too late... Damn... i thought i was smarter than that.... My friends think im crazy & that i am a glutton for punishment... haha i already knew that...!! its like constantly getting hit in the head by a rock & i tell myself that its good for me & eventually the pain will be worth it... its just a whole load of crap rite?... an illusion of a perfect man, illusion of a perfect life... life is never just black & white... its to damn comfusing...
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