Art_Critic Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I wish you could all listen to the progression of messages that he left me. He is hurting at this time! you are falling for his bunk.. he is just manipulating you on a level that would work.. he studied you and learned what would work.. Please open your eyes and distance yourself from his drama.. You are about to get sucked into something that will destroy your self esteem
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 He is hurting at this time! Yes, and so are you. Yet, he is the one who is married, has a wife. AC is right, if you continue being in his life your self esteem is going to go down the toilet and you're gonna be more miserable than you are now.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Yes, and so are you. Yet, he is the one who is married, has a wife. AC is right, if you continue being in his life your self esteem is going to go down the toilet and you're gonna be more miserable than you are now. I agree. Who cares if he's hurting? Does he care if you are? No. All he cares about his harrassing you out of concern for his own selfish needs. Sorry to be so blunt. But I have had it with these men and the head trips. You need to care about YOU and YOU only right now. The sooner you get away from this head case, the sooner you can find a single man to love, who loves you back and can share his whole life with you.
Art_Critic Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Does he care if you are? Well.. to be fair to him he did care enough to try and get her into a threesome with another girl.. hahahaha.. Talk about a cake eater.. This guy will cheat on his mistresses
puddleofmud Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 If you can't leave this abusive person (and you are being abused--you just aren't seeing it right now) then get some counseling. Men like this can be manipulative in other ways which can be dangerous and or lifethreatening. What you are seeing is most likely just the tip of the ice-burg!!!
JamesM Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 He said that he will sit down and talk to me about it... I know at this point that there is nothing he can do, not sure if he even really wants to. Please, please repeat this statement to yourself every day and hour. Unfortunately, so many people go back to an unhealthy relationship, because it is the easy thing to do, they deny reality with rationalizations, and it feels comfortable. He wants to talk it over with you, so he can persuade you that not only he still loves you, but yes, he is planning on leaving his wife...and he would tell her today, BUT.... My suggestion is to not meet him anywhere in person.
Author pricillia Posted November 15, 2006 Author Posted November 15, 2006 Well.. to be fair to him he did care enough to try and get her into a threesome with another girl.. hahahaha.. Talk about a cake eater.. This guy will cheat on his mistresses ac, that is not what he was trying to do... so please don't take this route
Author pricillia Posted November 15, 2006 Author Posted November 15, 2006 I agree. Who cares if he's hurting? Does he care if you are? No. All he cares about his harrassing you out of concern for his own selfish needs. Sorry to be so blunt. But I have had it with these men and the head trips. You need to care about YOU and YOU only right now. The sooner you get away from this head case, the sooner you can find a single man to love, who loves you back and can share his whole life with you. I hear you... I agree, this whole thing is messed up...
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I think I asked this on another thread, but if this guy was single and treating you like this, playing head games and acting selfish, would you stay and put up with it? Or would you end it? I worry about the self esteem issues here! The damage this situation is causing you, making you feel nuts, making you feel awful...
Author pricillia Posted November 15, 2006 Author Posted November 15, 2006 I think I asked this on another thread, but if this guy was single and treating you like this, playing head games and acting selfish, would you stay and put up with it? Or would you end it? I worry about the self esteem issues here! The damage this situation is causing you, making you feel nuts, making you feel awful... TY which way is up... I am trying not to let this get to me... although it is hard... trying to bounce back... he did call me yesterday, the last time was at 1:00 I did talk to him... he has not called me yet today, don't think he will.
Art_Critic Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 I'm concerned about your emotional well being.. This man is not treating you right and you seem to be making excuses for his pain or his feelings... what about yours ? When someone is riding the rollercoaster created by the drama of a cheater they never understand that they are on it.. until it is too late and then they take years to regroup or recover from the pain he caused... Please take a step back from this man... if not forever how about for a few weeks.. NC with him for a few weeks till the fog lifts and your see where you are going
Author pricillia Posted November 15, 2006 Author Posted November 15, 2006 I'm concerned about your emotional well being.. This man is not treating you right and you seem to be making excuses for his pain or his feelings... what about yours ? When someone is riding the rollercoaster created by the drama of a cheater they never understand that they are on it.. until it is too late and then they take years to regroup or recover from the pain he caused... Please take a step back from this man... if not forever how about for a few weeks.. NC with him for a few weeks till the fog lifts and your see where you are going I know... I think that it is over anyway at this point.
Touche Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 You "think" it's over? Who decides when it's over..you or him?
Author pricillia Posted November 15, 2006 Author Posted November 15, 2006 You "think" it's over? Who decides when it's over..you or him? seriously, I think that it is over!!!
Freedom Now Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Take your control back, girl! Good God, don't let this man eat you alive. STOP THE CRAZINESS. Why in the world do you want someone like this man? He is a fruitcake. Good riddance, I say. And I agree with Touche.....who is deciding it is over? I would hope to God it is you. He aint worth the salt in ONE of your tears.
Author pricillia Posted November 15, 2006 Author Posted November 15, 2006 yes I would be the one to decide... I know that this is maddening... my BF is coming up from NY this weekend... it will do me some good.
Freedom Now Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Talk to her. Better yet, pretend SHE is the one going through this mess. Would you want this for her? If SHE were going through this, what would your advice be for her?
frannie Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 For those of you who don't know I have been seeing a MM for about 8 months now, 6 of which I did not know he was a MM... I just can't get my head around this. Someone saw you for 6 months and omitted to mention his wife? OK. What did you talk about..? How did he manage to hide it for so long? How did you find out and what on EARTH did he say to you to make it all 'ok'..??? I appreciate this is completely besides the point and old hat by now but woo. I just can't imagine this situation at all.
Author pricillia Posted November 15, 2006 Author Posted November 15, 2006 I just can't get my head around this. Someone saw you for 6 months and omitted to mention his wife? OK. What did you talk about..? How did he manage to hide it for so long? How did you find out and what on EARTH did he say to you to make it all 'ok'..??? I appreciate this is completely besides the point and old hat by now but woo. I just can't imagine this situation at all. ME EITHER!!!
climbergirl Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 A quote from Bentheredunthat from another thread...(I hope you don't mind, btdt;) )...that I think to be a great observation. I agree. I don't think it's the commitment issue at all. Obviously it will vary from MM to MM but I'm seeing a few common traits: --Fragile egos (they get a rush out of being able to impress a woman again.) --Lack of respect for women in general -- interestingly, though, these are also the men that are very good at making you think that they love women. I'm learning the exact opposite is true. They may even have a deep fear of women. --Control issues. They need something, anything, in their lives that they have complete control over. --Fear of growing old. This MM is a posterboy for this theory. What an a##. I forget who said it, but if he's pulling this crap now, imagine him single! You can do waaaaaay better than this clown (no offense, AC).
noforgiveness Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Is it still over? I have to ask what made you stay with him after you found out he was married. For him to lie the whole first six months of your relationship had to be devastating. Why keep him once you knew? Everything was based on a ie. I hope you are done with him.
Author pricillia Posted November 17, 2006 Author Posted November 17, 2006 Is it still over? I have to ask what made you stay with him after you found out he was married. For him to lie the whole first six months of your relationship had to be devastating. Why keep him once you knew? Everything was based on a ie. I hope you are done with him. Yes it is hard for me to understand as well, why I stayed... You know that I fell in love with him, for me that it not easy!!! I am still in love with him, I know that is hard to understand. I know that he is not going to leave her, he states it is because his kids and money. I think he lied to me because he was afriad that he would loose me. I know that this was wrong on his part, I value honestly. I did not stay to hurt wife at all. Now to be honest, I would want to be with him and I was with him in a intimate way because I planned on it being for a long time... get it. For a girl like me when I open my heart to a man it is because I love him. I am hurting here too. I am still in contact with him but I have not seen him since last weekend.
herenow Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 I know that he is not going to leave her, he states it is because his kids and money. I think he lied to me because he was afriad that he would loose me. I know that this was wrong on his part, I value honestly. I am still in contact with him but I have not seen him since last weekend. You value honesty? He lied to you because he wanted to have his wife and family in tack and you on the side. If he wanted to be with you he would. pricillia, pricillia, pricillia, you spend enough time here to know how this will end. I won't be good. Do yourself a favor and go NC with him. Think of your sanity and the games he is playing with you and his wife. You can't get the time back that you waste on him. Stop it now! Move on with your life.
Author pricillia Posted November 17, 2006 Author Posted November 17, 2006 You value honesty? He lied to you because he wanted to have his wife and family in tack and you on the side. If he wanted to be with you he would. pricillia, pricillia, pricillia, you spend enough time here to know how this will end. I won't be good. Do yourself a favor and go NC with him. Think of your sanity and the games he is playing with you and his wife. You can't get the time back that you waste on him. Stop it now! Move on with your life. I have not seen him since last saturday, I have to end this in my own way, we talk right now and that is all
herenow Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 I have not seen him since last saturday, I have to end this in my own way, we talk right now and that is all the longer you continue to talk to him the harder it will be for you to leave. MM that have affairs have a way of keeping their OW hanging on. He will make promises to you that he won't keep and he will rob you of the chance to have a real relationship with someone else. You are giving him precious time when you know he has no intention of leaving his wife. Why?
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