Amour77 Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 I have been dating this girl for almost a month now and things are going very well. We really like each other and we spend a lot of time together, which is cool.... She is full of compliments for me and it seems she is falling for me. I have to say I really like her too... However, she has been out of a 1-year relationship with a guy who treated her mostly as a rebound. It seems that she was quite keen on him, although she is the one who actually broke up (3 or 4 months ago) and she now thinks he is a bit of a waster. The thing that annoys me now is that this guy still contacts her and even visited her last week. She told him she had met me, but he keeps contacting her and keeps on talking to her about his ex and twisted things I was horrified to hear about. My new G/F has been very good about it, and she has been willing to communicate with me on that one, but she keeps replying to him as well and kinda encourage him to keep in touch. She calls him "my friend" and has put him top of her contact list on her mobile phone. She recently changed her phone number, but gave him it straight away. So on the one hand, she complains he is contacting her, but on the other hand, she gave him her new phone number and gets back to him whenever he contacts her. In her house, she still has a couple of cards he had sent her at least a couple of months ago..... I asked her how she was feeling about all this, and she said she was well and truly over him, but when he is contacting her, she does not know how to tell him to bugger off.... She told himseveral times that she had met me, and he acknowledged it. Hopefully, he will take his distances. I do not know what to do. I don't want to get myself into a trap and I really can't be bothered investing myself into a relationship where the girl is still somehow attached to an ex. If she really wants him, she should have him, not me! I am not a doormat..... What do you guys think?
D-Lish Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Hey Armour:p Do you feel like you're a rebound for this girl? What do your instincts tell you? If it were me, I'd be a little pissy about it. I still have contact with an ex from a year and a half ago- and it truly is innocent on my end. I maintained a friendship with him because he was actually a rebound for me after a long term relationship/end of marriage. We dated for a year and I decided to move on, and he would probably like to get involved romantically...but I never would. So, it could be innocent, but it's still a fresh break up for her, so I'd be a little careful. The fact that he still contacts her betrays that he has feelings for her still. That's not good... nor is it fair to you. I also don't like that there are cards still laying around her place. Make sure you listen to your instincts. What do they tell you? We are seldom wrong, but often ignore this important sense. Thanks for the PM! :-) D
hindsfeet Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 dude im feeling you. its a wierd place to be. if she says that she is over him, then that is all you have to go on. girls are way diff from us. they like to look back on things and are a lot more emotional where as guys tend to be more physical. if she has cards and stuff, thats not really a bad thing. i still have letters even from girls in college and stuff. do i want to be with them. no. but its just memories. her giving him new number would spell a problem to me. but not too big of one. she could just still be friends with him. thats a normal thing. if you feel like he is nt just a friend but more a friend with benefits. id be kinda pissed about it and have to say something about it. bring it up to her and just let her know whats bothering you. be careful how you say it though, you dont want her to think that you are insecure or accusing her of something not there. but if it is really bothering you, bring it up.
Author Amour77 Posted November 15, 2006 Author Posted November 15, 2006 Well, it is funny because on the day I posted that, she phoned her ex, of her own accord, asking him not to contact her anymore and she has deleted his number on her phone. She also said that she had given him her number in a collective email and had not really realised what she was doing. She still has these two cards though, but I do not want to make a fuss about it. It is still early days, but we see each other a lot and she really seems to like me. She says things like "I like you an awful lot, I want you to look after me, I am falling for you...." so I suppose I might not be a rebound after all. We will see.
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