Guest Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 I was minding my own business, pretending that I was happy and going throught the motions in my marriage, when an old friend gave my 1st love my phone number. We talked on the phone briefly, and although I was excited to hear from him, I did not expect it to go anywhere. Long story short, it did go somewhere. We began talking on the phone daily for long periods of time. We eventually decided to meet up. Needless to say, that we ended up "consummating" the relationship. I thought that was the end even though he began saying that he loved me. Before I knew it, I was replying that I loved him too. I really did fall in love with him. Soon enough, he stopped calling as much. I told him that if things were changing let me know. He assured me that the weren't. Eventually, we met up again and had the most beautiful time. I had convinced myself that this was it. He assured me that it wasn't. Again, when we left each other, we were still in "love." He kept promising me that he was coming to visit me again. However, that never came into fruition. Eventually, he did come close to where I lived; ;however, he said that he could not get away. I never called him to ask if he would come. He always offered that he was coming. Pretty soon, I started getting voice mail; however, he would call back with another excuse. The last time I talked to him, he told me that his phone was not working and that he had my number stored. I decided that I was not going to call him anymore. Then a week later, I wanted answers. This is someone who told me he loved me all the time. I didn't think that he would intentionally break my heart. When I talked to him, he began to make excuses, which I had become accustomed too. I just wanted to know why he acted the way that he did. He still said that he missed me, my smile, my kisses. I told him that I really did love him; he said he meant it when he told me he loved me too. Eventually, ending the phone call, I made up my mind, even though it was left unsaid, that it was over. I have been in a terrible depression, because I really did love this man, and I thought that he loved me too. I decided to move on. Well, that was a week ago. Today, I received to "generic" e-mails from him. Why does he continue? Someone help me move on.
whichwayisup Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 You're letting him do this to you, so tell him to leave you alone! Stop answering his calls, emails. When he contacts you, tell him that you're focussing on your marriage! Your friend should NOT have given him your phone number, that was stupid. Now you need to focus your energy into your marriage. Do you love your husband?
Jane Doe Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 This is typical behavior for them. I'm sure there are dozens of women here who could tell your story almost exactly. The best thing you can do is take control of yourself and ignore him completely. If not, you can expect lots more of the same.
frannie Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Some people find it easy to say things like 'I love you' and so on... and all they really want is attention and to play and give you a little thrill (they suppose), and get themselves a few of their self-centred needs met... while not being particularly serious when it all feels a bit too 'real' to them. Hence the repetitive backing off. It's a behaviour not restricted to MM... but being married certainly gives them the perfect excuse for this behaviour. I'd give the standard suggestion... of looking at your own marriage and seeing what can be fixed. You say you were 'going through the motions'... is there any way that things can be reversed there so that you can find in your own husband the things you (think you) saw in this other man..?
BUTAFLY Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Unfortunataly some men play these games. My ex played this with me and it eff'ed my mind up/ im still messed up from it. Its exceptioanlly damaging when you rely on that relationship for happines. I learned(the hard way)that his words meant absoultly nothing, no matter how much he tried to convience me they did and no matter how desperately I wanted to trust him. I have my story and I'm sure other women can tell you their storys similiar to yours. I have no advice how to move on as I am still in that process. But I do know you will never get answeres from him as to why he would do this...and thats the hard part. good luck
Joelle Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Its exceptioanlly damaging when you rely on that relationship for happines. I agree with this. OP, emotionally distance yourself from this man. He's not the man you think (or hoped) he is.
lindya Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Some people find it easy to say things like 'I love you' and so on... and all they really want is attention and to play and give you a little thrill (they suppose), and get themselves a few of their self-centred needs met... while not being particularly serious when it all feels a bit too 'real' to them. Hence the repetitive backing off. Very true. an old friend gave my 1st love my phone number....Long story short, it did go somewhere....he began saying that he loved me....Before I knew it, I was replying that I loved him too. I really did fall in love with him. I think going back to an old love sometimes happens when you know you need to make changes to your life, but the prospect of doing so is scary. Turning to the past becomes a seductive but also very false source of comfort. I wonder why your friend gave him your phone number. Did he contact him/her and ask for it...and if so, I wonder what prompted him to do so? It seems a pretty certain bet that he was prompted by selfish needs rather than by any desire to improve your life on any long term basis. What were your visions of the future before this guy came back on the scene, and what are they now?
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