Contacting Dilemma!

November 11, 2006

Hi

I'm 31 & over 2 weeks i dated this 22 year old girl around 6 times. Each time it progressed & the last date we were heavy kissing & touching & her body language was ver positive.

She always held my leg in cinema & postured her body towards me & i thought she was as into me as i was her, although she emphasised we were only dating. On the way to the bus, she got a call & it was a guy, i could hear him asking her where she was etc & with who. She said she couldn't talk now!!

I couldn't interrogate her. She said it was a guy she dated & annoyingly called her a lot.

Her bus came & she was on the bus, on the phone.

The last time i saw her was that night, the Wednesday.

I called her Friday, no answer & later that night she called me back, hung up so i could call her, maybe no phone credit.

She said she was busy over weekend & she works 10pm-8am in a supermarket, so sleeps a lot in day.

She is from Russia, her parents who she hasn't seen for 18 months were coming on Thursday, i offered to take tem all some places of interest if she wanted as she don't realy know this area, only the city.

She said she would keep in touch.

That was last Friday, Nov 3rd.

I haven't heard anything since, i sent a couple of messages asking how she was etc, but no reply.

I understand her parents are here, but as she said we were dating & all the good signals, it don't take long to send a quick text, just to say hi or let me know that we can get together sometime.

Maybe this is just how she is. I don't know where i am. She looks & acts older than 22, but maybe her immaturity is coming out.

Am i being unreasonable to expect at least a text or something in 8-9 days, reply's to mine. She may think it's just normal, but i don't.

Should i ask her by voice message, what is going on & where are we, she may have been ill or something, i dunno.

I could ask her in a nice way. Is 9 days a long time to recieve nothing from someone i'm supposed to be dating!

What should i do?

Thanks

cg

November 11, 2006

I would just forget about her she doesnt care. things probably were going fine but maybe shes just not that into you. You should try calling one last time leave a voice message asking her to call you back and that you 2 should go out again and then just never call again after that because if she doesnt call back its over. Hopefuly she just answers the phone when you call that way you dont have to leave a message if she does just ask her out if she says no just say ok and move on

November 11, 2006

KMT

Yes, i thought that too, to call her & here you can dial 141 first & it hides the callers name on cell phone.

If she wasn't into me, why was she saying things like, "i bet you give good massages', as i said i'm attentive in all aspects of life, why she pushed herself up aginsed me, let me touch her stocking cladd knee & had my hand on hers, kiss me & hold my hand.

I just hate mind games & being messed around, why can't someone just say they don't want anything instead of silence!

On the other hand, as her family are here, she could be very busy & to her a week of no contact may be nothing, afterall we're only dating. She may say that she was gonna call me when they leaft, maybe i pushed it by saying i'd show her family the touristy sights, she said "ohh, you wanna meet my folks hey". She may have even lost her phone lol.

I'm gonna do the call on Monday

cg

November 11, 2006

She may be playing the field abit and not really sure what she wants.

Honestly, if I were you right now, I wouldn't call. Not tomorrow, not Monday, not Tuesday...Wait for her to call you.

If she is interested, she'll be intouch.

November 12, 2006

Jeez i dunno what to do, maybe she is doing stuff alone, but why does it take a long time ust to text!!

Just to say ok, see you soon, or not wanna see you again!

I like her a lot,thats why i'm perseverng with it all.

She may enjoy being chased, i don't mind that, its natural!, if i don't call, she may never see me again as she may think i'm not interested, but i guess i've shown interest.

Either she calls me in time & i'm waiting, or i ask her the situation. Se may say she was waiting for her folks to go home & then call me.

I don't even know if she' s got her folks here.

It's all about trust!

Can i trust her?, i don't know, she's maybe testing me!

cg

November 12, 2006

Caring guy, I feel for you. I'm always in your position and it is very frustrating. I've asked what the deal is and even then it doesn't mean they'll tell you the truth so just remember that. Actions speak louder than words - it hurts to admit it but it's true. *hugs*

See my post

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t103953/

November 12, 2006

Funkify, huggs to you, i feel after your post, i want to get on that damn phone now & tell her to grow up & let me know instead of being childish & just keeping me hanging on!

She may play games, which i hate, dating others. I told her if i'm dating someone, i don't date others!, it's not fair & hurts the other!

Whichwayisup, She has shown interest in her actions, the passionate kissing & putting her hand on my knee in cinema etc, that to me is interest, 6 dates too. If i wasn't interested in someone, it wouldn't have gone half as far!

Dating, mm, what is the definition of that? She may think that it's not official bf/gf which it's not & unimportant to be in contact & as her folks are here, she's busy, but it's just polite to reply as Funkify says! she could go to bed & just write a quick message, simple! It may slap me in the face if i show inpatience & call, i dunno!

Funny, i got one reply saying call & one not to call.

I like our time together, we laugh, talk, flirt & it's fun, i just don't get it!

cg

November 12, 2006

I say when in doubt, don't call because if she doesn't act in the way you want her to you'll just kick yourself that you did call.

Just remember, she has your number. If she wants to call or text you, don't worry, she will. Hang tight, try to keep busy

November 12, 2006

If I call someone who says they care about me, and they never call back, I stop calling. Twice would be my limit before I moved on.

November 12, 2006

Hi all

I didn't call, i'm not going to, i just don't get this situation. All going well one minute & then this!

I did send an sms saying that i understood her folks were there & i reminded her of what she said & what was happening & why she hadn't replied!, also that we had a good time & i didn't understand what was going on. She was the one that initially said we were dating.

I said i hate playing games, jeez it takes a minute to send a message!

I am a guy that is sensitive ok, i can't do what we did (the intimacy) & then not talk. That to me is just unreal, i guess some girls & guys are like that!

cg

November 12, 2006

I don't play games either. If you haven't heard from her since Nov. 3rd then move on to someone else who doesn't waste your time.

November 12, 2006

Ok, you see my name on here, why am i so angry, how can someone that kissed me, touched me, held me, said such lovely things to me, be like this, we planned to share time & do stuff.

I'm just so not like that, i feel used, i feel immature in the dating arena, i feel sh*t that i actualy liked someone, you know, trusted her & liked her & thought a future was posible.

I am feeling tearful as i''ve had a fiew glasses of wine & can't believe a girl can be like this, as i thought it was the men that did this!

Maybe i should change my username to Uncaring Bast*rd & act like that, & maybe i'd get better thought of & not used.

But then again, i tried to call & used 141 so that my name wouldn't come up on her phone, no reply. Maybe there's a legitimate reason, she could have lost her Phone i dunno!

cg

November 12, 2006

Sorry about that post that I typed. I'm not in the greatest mood today since my mouth has been violated by the dentist.

Ok I understand what your saying and that your a caring guy and that you feel used. I think anyone in your situation would feel that way. If she don't respond back to you that's her problem and it was a cruel thing for her to led you on and then just stop. Some people can be so heartless and not care about what others think.

She may of lost her phone I don't know too. If you want to wade it out then go ahead and do so. She might like you said have a legitimate reason for what has been going on.

November 12, 2006

I know, maybe i could call her & blow my top as to why she acts like this when all was good!

Then there';s the prospective situaton of blowing it all together.

I can't just call her heartless & criticise her whaen i don't know her feelings, & what could have happened!

I just don't know what to do, i like her lots & thought from her actions that she was the one. She's still in my heart, i have this 6th sense about people, but as i say, i just don't know what to do!

I texted her again, saying everything & still nothing, but as we're dating, she may think its ok not to call or be in touch, but i takes a minute, i just don't know & am going to bed very upset!

cg

November 12, 2006

cg, is this the first girl you've ever been with?

It doesnt sound like you guys were dating, but spent a few dates with one another. And based on your posts here, I think you might have been trying too hard to make a relationship. You called her several times and she didnt respond. That should have been your signal to give her some breathing space and let her call you.

You keep mentioning that you told her that you dont see multiple people while dating and that it's your RIGHT that she do the same thing. Unfortunately, you've only dated her for two weeks. That's definitely not enough time to know if you two even have a connection, let alone decide whether to be exclusive. Also, you dont have any RIGHT over her actions. She doesnt owe you anything at this stage. You are still trying to get to know one another, and if you start setting demands at this early stage, I can see why she's bailed. It comes off as controlling, clingy and insecure.

I think you need to take a step back and realize that yes, she might have kissed you, but it doesnt sound like you two slept together, just fooled around a bit. I think you should take this as a learning experience and not let yourself get emotionally attached to someone too soon.

I think you should stop calling her and let her contact you. If she's interested, she'll call you. In the meantime, focus on other things.

November 13, 2006

I admit, i'm a little impatient sometimes, one of my frailties that shows i'm human!

She was the one that said we were dating!

We saw each other 6 times in a little over 2 weeks. She called me on the Friday & said she was busy with work until Tuesday & her parents were visiting from overseas & they can't speak English. So i assume she needs to be with them a lot & i said i understood that, evwn offered to take them to some nice places in this area!

She said she would see me soon.

She also sent me photos of her on my phone & said hope you like them.

I then heard nothing since Nov 3rd.

I think it's normal to reply or at least put me in the picture.

I was patient & yesterday i asked her how come she hadn't been in touch, like she hasn't 1 minute to mesage the guy she's dating to say hi or something.

I asked her if she still wanted to see me, she said she was very busy with her parents & 'i can't answer'.

Her English isn't great, maybe a cultural difference, but that either means i can't answer texts as she's busy, or she can't answer wether she wants to see me again.

Jeez, why do people play games with others emotions, if she wants to see me, just have the balls to say so, not just ignoring!!

I'm busy, but not so much that i can't write an sms.

Theres are posts on here about mind games.

Ok, we aren't officially gf/bf, but when someone holds your leg & lets me do the same, kisses me passionately, puts her arm around me & lets me massage her, leans towards me & looks in my eyes, i see this as someone being into me & i am into her too!

Is that unreasonable to think & then no contact for 10 days! Maybe as she's 21, she's a bit immature & doesn't know that these kind of actions hurt!

I'm 32 & have been engaged for 3 years & had several 2 year+ relationships.

Her longest is 3 months!

I just dunno, i'm gonna wait until she's free, we planned lots of stuff!

cg

No, i'm 30

November 13, 2006

The actions that she displayed mean nothing. Insecure or immature girls use guys to make themselves feel wanted and attractive. Her kissing, holding hands, and touching your knee show NOTHING.

If you think that is bad, I have a female friend who sleeps with guys to boost her ego and then refuses to see them again. Be thankful you weren't used in that way with the fragile state of your emotions.

I would not contact her again. Make her work for you.

November 14, 2006

She may like to be chased, feel good when being chased.

I just like her, & want to see her & if it means not contacting, i shall!

I just hope it don't blow up in my face.

Her folks go home on Thursday, maybe then she will be in touch as she will be alone & have time.

As she contacted me today & said she was busy with her folks, i guess she is still keen or she wouldn't have contacted me at all!

Just i don't know if she meant 'I can't answer' calls or texts as she's busy, or because she can't answer if she wants us to carry on dating!

Maybe a language difference, but all her posture & actions were very positive. 5th date she wouldn't let me kiss her lips, 6th date she instigated arm around me & wanted a massage & let me kiss her lips!

I like her a lot:love: i just have that fluttery feeling & don't wanna fu*k up!, i'm tyred of heartbreak!

cg

November 14, 2006

Ok, we aren't officially gf/bf, but when someone holds your leg & lets me do the same, kisses me passionately, puts her arm around me & lets me massage her, leans towards me & looks in my eyes, i see this as someone being into me & i am into her too!
Is that unreasonable to think & then no contact for 10 days! Maybe as she's 21, she's a bit immature & doesn't know that these kind of actions hurt!

I understand you are hurt by her actions. One minute, she seems really interested in you, now she's ignoring you. It really does happen to the best of us. Liking someone, and them not returning the feelings. But dude, your actions since then are screaming insecurity and clingyness. I believe you posted a day or two after your last meeting really upset that she was speaking to her ex over the phone. You showed a lot of possessiveness just in your post here on LS. If she got just a wiff of that, I'm sure that would have left her running in the opposite direction. After 3 calls, and no return calls, you shouldnt need to be told to stop contacting her and let her contact you. You should have enough confidence in yourself to LET her go and contact you if that's what she wants. The more you obsess over this situation, the more it wont ever work out for the two of you.

Calm down. Focus on yourself. Dont expect her to call, and if/when she does it will be a pleasant surprise.

I'm 32 & have been engaged for 3 years & had several 2 year+ relationships.
...
No, i'm 30

So how old are you? 32 or 30? Or are you possibly younger? No offense but your actions seem very inexperienced and it might help us to tell the truth to understand the whole story. Is english your native tongue?

November 14, 2006

She may like to be chased, feel good when being chased.
I just like her, & want to see her & if it means not contacting, i shall!
I just hope it don't blow up in my face.
Her folks go home on Thursday, maybe then she will be in touch as she will be alone & have time.
As she contacted me today & said she was busy with her folks, i guess she is still keen or she wouldn't have contacted me at all!

Just i don't know if she meant 'I can't answer' calls or texts as she's busy, or because she can't answer if she wants us to carry on dating!
Maybe a language difference, but all her posture & actions were very positive. 5th date she wouldn't let me kiss her lips, 6th date she instigated arm around me & wanted a massage & let me kiss her lips!
I like her a lot:love: i just have that fluttery feeling & don't wanna fu*k up!, i'm tyred of heartbreak!

cg

Based on your story, "can't answer" means that she doesn't want to date you anymore. You have probably freaked her out.

It took 6 dates to kiss the girl? WTF? This is going nowhere.

November 14, 2006

I never showed any clingyness to her at all, i just said that i don't date more than 1 at a time.

Yes my actions here, but not infront of her, i have a anxiety problem & have been hurt so many times, i just want to be sure.

Why did after we last met, she sent me pictures of her & said see you soon!, if she had no plans of seeing me anymore.

Most girls i know who are friends say that i respected her & if i'd have tried to kiss them or make a move, they would have run away & 5 or 6 dtaes was about right.You have to get to gain their respect & show your not trying to get them in bed!, it's good to be friends woith someone you fancy.

In fast, out slow, thats a saying here in UK.

It just slowly progressed & we got to know each other, went walks, had lunch, talked a lot, not nights getting drunk on the town.

How long after her parents go should i wait, she's the one that said see you soon! I am 32 & i am 100% English, if thats an issue!

cg

November 14, 2006

I never showed any clingyness to her at all, i just said that i don't date more than 1 at a time.
Yes my actions here, but not infront of her, i have a anxiety problem & have been hurt so many times, i just want to be sure.

I suffer from anxiety too, so I understand where you are coming from. The problem with anxiety issues is we never fully have control over when they appear and when they dont. And even when we THINK we're not showing these actions, other's can pick up on it. If you admit to showing them here, then I gaurantee she picked up on it.

How long after her parents go should i wait, she's the one that said see you soon! I am 32 & i am 100% English, if thats an issue!
cg

STOP CALLING HER! That's as plain english as I can get for you. Focus on yourself and dont expect a call, and if/when she calls it will be a pleasant surprise. The ball is in her court right now, let her play with it!

Btw, why one post do you say you are 32, then another you say 30, then another 32?

November 14, 2006

That was a mistake, i'm 32.

The dates we had i was ok & confident, the only insecurity i showed was when i said i just dated 1 at a time.

I won't call her.

She was the one saying that we were dating & i learned from past mistakes not to ask "what we are", as anxiety i guess in me makes you want to know!\

We planned to go to cinema when new Bond film comes out this weekend.

I have sent 1 text message in 10 days. The last time i saw her, she sent me 2 pics of her, said see you soon & i replied saying 'let me know when your free'.

I don't think thats OTT.

Just in that text, i asked her if she still wanted to see me, just because i hadn't heard from her.

I asked someones advice, a friend & they thought that would be ok to do. If we're supposed to be dating, a text should be ok!

Gaz

November 14, 2006

You did not do anything wrong in initiating the first few contacts. But from what I read, you've contacted her _several times_, and then asking her to respond back and asking her if you're dating or not. You called her on the phone. Then called on a blocked number. From what you've written, it hasnt been just one text message in 10 days, but several contacts via text/phone! And she hasnt responded back. This should give you a clue to back off a little.

Are you going to counselling for your anxiety?

November 14, 2006

she called me on the friday after the wednesday meet that went well.

I called her during the weekend to see if she was ok & that i was looking forward to seeing her!

9 days later i called her using 141, so she wouldn't know it was me, i shouldn't have.

Then i texted her saying what you said about if she still wanted to see me, as sometimes anxiety makes you feel like you need to know, like you said, an impatience that sometimes you can't always control. If you get anxiety, you may know it affects that way.

I was just unsure & still am in limbo.

I take meds & seee a psychiatrist & councelor, seems i need them for relate too

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