Boyfriend gets new car, ends six month relationship...why?

November 11, 2006

Ready to be stumped, here it goes.... Well my bf of 6 months (or whatever he was) just recently got a car. Before this I used to drive him to and from work all the time, and not to brag, i was a damn good gf. I would pack him lunches for work, help him out when he was going through rough times, and even a week before all this i brought pizza to his job for him and all his friends. Anyways..... The night that he picked up his car he brought it to my house to show me!! NOWWW its like he just ended our relationship, he wants nothing to do with me! He hasnt officially said anything to me but he wont friend me on myspace, write me back when i send him messages on myspace, or answer my calls and im almost pretty sure its over. I am just SO CONFUSED its ridiculous. Before the car there was no sign of dis-interest on his part. Im almost certain i didnt do anything bad to him, and i just need everyones advice and help to ease my mind of this b/c he wont talk to me to tell me why or whats going on. As a matter of fact i was thinking of just showing up at his place tonite to see if he would stop to talk to me. Do guys do this? They just one day forget about you after all this time, like you were nothing at all? This has never happened to me. He has been a strange one to figure out from the beginning but this tops it all. What should I do here? Give me your true and honest oppinions also.

Thanks:bunny:

P.S.

I also drove him all the time when he was in the process of getting this car , almost and hour away from where we lived. and now that he has it he's never taken me for a ride in it or showed his appreciation in anyway

November 11, 2006

Your ex bf is a using baxtard!!! He was there when you were doing things for him...but when he no longer needed your services, he's out of there. He is a self-centered, rotten, good for nothing, butt hole, scumbag USER. On the other hand, you are a loving, kind, giving, thoughtful, considerate, sweet lady. DO YOU SEE ANY INCOMPATIBILITY HERE???

OK. Understand that you did make some mistakes. You were WAY too nice to him. It's OK to be nice but doing so many things for somebody drives most people to expect more and more in any relationship. Be kind and nice but don't go out of your way. I have no idea why but it turns some people off...it propels others to simply take advantage...others wonder what your motives are, etc., etc.

Now, it's very likely you will repeat this lesson over and over until you learn: to watch out for using, self centered, rotten, no good leaches and not to be so terribly nice, particularly at the beginning of a relationship. Absolutely, it's so very irrational and insane to have to not be your very kind self but unless you want this to happen to you over and over, you've got to make changes. Yes, a good many of the people in this world will step all over a very nice person.

It may be a good idea to explore your motives for being so kind. Is it that you're wanting men to fall for you? It won't work! Is it that you have a low self esteem and you feel people won't like you unless you are very nice to them? It won't work. Trust me. For the record, a good number of men will crawl at the feet of women who treat them like total shxt! I guess it's the challenge or something, who knows?

Now, if you have no motives whatsoever, just be yourself and look for very mature, sane, healthy men who can appreciate a nice gal like you and treat her with respect and kindness in return. I think there's one who lives in Gary, Indiana. Nice girls like you usually look for the best in people.... You've got to have some terrific eyesight where this guy is concerned. There are some nice people out there...but there's an awful lot of rotten ones and it's hard to tell the difference at first when they're being phony to suck you into their lives.

Yes, it's nice to be genuine and real but if doing so gets you the kind of results you got with this guy then I suggest you do a better job of selecting guys or modify your behavior somewhat.

As far as your ex is concerned, he's not worth the space he occupies on this planet and if I ever meet him I'll deck him. He makes me want to throw up my breakfast...oh, sorry, regurgitate my breakfast.

Didn't you smell the scum around this dude!!! I can smell his stench from here. At least when he dies, he's already gone through the decomposition process. Am I mean, no...just give people what they deserve!

I am in complete shock that you are still even thinking about this guy.

Ha, I keep editing and adding on to this...I'll stop now....sorry!

November 11, 2006

Eww! What a dinkage he's acting like.

You don't need that crap in your life, he took advantage of your kindness! I honestly wouldn't even bother calling him! No matter how much it hurts, don't call him!

November 11, 2006

first of all i want to thank you for the kind words that you all had said about me. and for the negative ones about the jerk lol. and i appreciate the advice also.

November 11, 2006

now you said not to call him, i just got off the phone wit one of my friends and what she said to me makes sense. he has been in my life for 6 months, has acknowledged me as his girl throughout that time, and she said i deserve some kind of explanation here and that i should keep calling for atleast the weekend. should i do this or should i just stop right now??

November 11, 2006

first of all i want to thank you for the kind words that you all had said about me. and for the negative ones about the jerk lol. and i appreciate the advice also. lol i see its getting you mad lol think of the toll its playing on me?im just trying to figure this all out still. my next step is showing up at his house, face to face. see if the jerk can face me then.

November 11, 2006

He's a loser, so you shouldn't waste anymore time on him -- even if you think you deserve an apology, and especially if he tries to wiggle his way back to you.

I'm afraid you'll take him back.

November 11, 2006

first of all i want to thank you for the kind words that you all had said about me. and for the negative ones about the jerk lol. and i appreciate the advice also. lol i see its getting you mad lol think of the toll its playing on me?im just trying to figure this all out still. my next step is showing up at his house, face to face. see if the jerk can face me then.

DUH? First of all, I have explained this to you above in vivid detail. If you don't understand, let me know and I will try again.

Now, what exactly do you think can be accomplished by seeing this guy face to face? ONLY you will be hurt more. You will find out that he doesn't care about this at all. Why do you want to waste your valuable time hurting yourself?

The guy is ONLY into himself. He used you. The evidence is so very clear. So you face him, he lies to you more, maybe even sucks you in so he can have someone to do nice things for him some more....geeze, lady, why do you want to do this to yourself?

You are a natural giver and if you don't stand up for yourself and start giving to those who are worthy then you are in big trouble.

If you would have actually had a loving relationship with this guy for six months, I'd say....go for it. Face him and get closure. But this was a delusion...an illusion in your mind. There was nothing to it more than you doing nice things for him and him TAKING. Nice people like you, as I said in my post above, tend to look for the best in people so you didn't see this as a user-usee situation. You love to give so as long as you were giving and he was giving back the very minimum he could possibly do you were very happy.

As a matter of fact, I dare to say that you would feel uncomfortable with a guy who was as sweet and nice as you. You like to do all the giving and you never question lack of reciprocity.

Well, now, I don't mean to be blunt...and you don't seem to be getting it because it is awfully painful...but this guy has a car now and the means for finding lots of women he can use....for sex, for cooking, for doing him favors, etc. You don't need to be one of those.

I feel so bad because you deserve so much better, yet here you are not paying a damned bit of attention to the words of truth I write and you're still thinking about him and how you ought to go over and see him. What does it take to convince you to forget him! Confronting him will only be an annoyance for him, nothing more than that.

Have some dignity, get some self esteem...and go FIND PEOPLE WHO ARE WORTHY OF YOU KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY. This guy is walking ROT!!!

November 11, 2006

Your ex bf is a using baxtard!!! He was there when you were doing things for him...but when he no longer needed your services, he's out of there. He is a self-centered, rotten, good for nothing, butt hole, scumbag USER. On the other hand, you are a loving, kind, giving, thoughtful, considerate, sweet lady. DO YOU SEE ANY INCOMPATIBILITY HERE???

OK. Understand that you did make some mistakes. You were WAY too nice to him. It's OK to be nice but doing so many things for somebody drives most people to expect more and more in any relationship. Be kind and nice but don't go out of your way. I have no idea why but it turns some people off...it propels others to simply take advantage...others wonder what your motives are, etc., etc.

Now, it's very likely you will repeat this lesson over and over until you learn: to watch out for using, self centered, rotten, no good leaches and not to be so terribly nice, particularly at the beginning of a relationship. Absolutely, it's so very irrational and insane to have to not be your very kind self but unless you want this to happen to you over and over, you've got to make changes. Yes, a good many of the people in this world will step all over a very nice person.

It may be a good idea to explore your motives for being so kind. Is it that you're wanting men to fall for you? It won't work! Is it that you have a low self esteem and you feel people won't like you unless you are very nice to them? It won't work. Trust me. For the record, a good number of men will crawl at the feet of women who treat them like total shxt! I guess it's the challenge or something, who knows?

Now, if you have no motives whatsoever, just be yourself and look for very mature, sane, healthy men who can appreciate a nice gal like you and treat her with respect and kindness in return. I think there's one who lives in Gary, Indiana. Nice girls like you usually look for the best in people.... You've got to have some terrific eyesight where this guy is concerned. There are some nice people out there...but there's an awful lot of rotten ones and it's hard to tell the difference at first when they're being phony to suck you into their lives.

Yes, it's nice to be genuine and real but if doing so gets you the kind of results you got with this guy then I suggest you do a better job of selecting guys or modify your behavior somewhat.

As far as your ex is concerned, he's not worth the space he occupies on this planet and if I ever meet him I'll deck him. He makes me want to throw up my breakfast...oh, sorry, regurgitate my breakfast.

Didn't you smell the scum around this dude!!! I can smell his stench from here. At least when he dies, he's already gone through the decomposition process. Am I mean, no...just give people what they deserve!

I am in complete shock that you are still even thinking about this guy.

Ha, I keep editing and adding on to this...I'll stop now....sorry!

i know i know im too nice, and especially at the beginning of a relationship.

It may be a good idea to explore your motives for being so kind. Is it that you're wanting men to fall for you? It won't work! Is it that you have a low self esteem and you feel people won't like you unless you are very nice to them? It won't work. Trust me. For the record, a good number of men will crawl at the feet of women who treat them like total shxt! I guess it's the challenge or something, who knows?

it's not that i have low self esteem i think its more of having the man fall in love wit me and also just being too nice is just my natural self. i just cant treat ppl like **** especially if i care for them. but now that im thinking his ex treated him like a real piece of crap and deep down i thought he actually liked it and you just have confirmed that for me.

just be yourself and look for very mature, sane, healthy men who can appreciate a nice gal like you and treat her with respect and kindness in return. I think there's one who lives in Gary, Indiana.

so who is this person who lives in gary, indiana lol??

I am in complete shock that you are still even thinking about this guy

im thinking about him cause hes been in my life for 6 months and i guess that means something to me and i just cant let go just like with no explanation at all.

Ha, I keep editing and adding on to this...I'll stop now....sorry!

dont worry i edited it a few times also, i dont think what i REALLY wanted to say would be appropiate to post lol

thanks again,

chrisy

November 11, 2006

I HATE tattoos but you need to tattoo this on your arm:

If someone is going to love you, they are going to love you no matter what you do for them. If they aren't going to love you, they aren't going to love you no matter how much you do for them.

Love has to do with feelings, not doing stuff. Someone who falls in love with you because you drive them to and from work and make their lunches will quickly fall out of love when they get a car to drive themselves and find somebody else to make their lunches...or do it themselves.

What you do for people has nothing to do with feelings. What you are to them has all to do with feelings. Before you start cranking out the good deeds for somebody, let some time pass and make sure the basic feelings are there first.

There is simply NO WAY you can buy love with good deeds.

No, don't tattoo this whole post...just the first paragraph...sorry!

November 11, 2006

DUH? First of all, I have explained this to you above in vivid detail. If you don't understand, let me know and I will try again.

Now, what exactly do you think can be accomplished by seeing this guy face to face? ONLY you will be hurt more. You will find out that he doesn't care about this at all. Why do you want to waste your valuable time hurting yourself?

The guy is ONLY into himself. He used you. The evidence is so very clear. So you face him, he lies to you more, maybe even sucks you in so he can have someone to do nice things for him some more....geeze, lady, why do you want to do this to yourself?

You are a natural giver and if you don't stand up for yourself and start giving to those who are worthy then you are in big trouble.

If you would have actually had a loving relationship with this guy for six months, I'd say....go for it. Face him and get closure. But this was a delusion...an illusion in your mind. There was nothing to it more than you doing nice things for him and him TAKING. Nice people like you, as I said in my post above, tend to look for the best in people so you didn't see this as a user-usee situation. You love to give so as long as you were giving and he was giving back the very minimum he could possibly do you were very happy.

As a matter of fact, I dare to say that you would feel uncomfortable with a guy who was as sweet and nice as you. You like to do all the giving and you never question lack of reciprocity.

Well, now, I don't mean to be blunt...and you don't seem to be getting it because it is awfully painful...but this guy has a car now and the means for finding lots of women he can use....for sex, for cooking, for doing him favors, etc. You don't need to be one of those.

I feel so bad because you deserve so much better, yet here you are not paying a damned bit of attention to the words of truth I write and you're still thinking about him and how you ought to go over and see him. What does it take to convince you to forget him! Confronting him will only be an annoyance for him, nothing more than that.

Have some dignity, get some self esteem...and go FIND PEOPLE WHO ARE WORTHY OF YOU KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY. This guy is walking ROT!!!

ok ok lol i get it now. its just that different people tell you different things. deep down i know im gonna get hurt more and i dont want to do that to myself but it was more of just making him feel ashamed. but he has no feelings i know that already. im moving on with my life as of right now. you have changed my whole way of thinking. thank you so much.

November 11, 2006

He's a loser, so you shouldn't waste anymore time on him -- even if you think you deserve an apology, and especially if he tries to wiggle his way back to you.

I'm afraid you'll take him back.

im not going to take him back, my good friend Tony T has really opened up my eyes. im moving on.

November 11, 2006

ok ok lol i get it now. its just that different people tell you different things. deep down i know im gonna get hurt more and i dont want to do that to myself but it was more of just making him feel ashamed. but he has no feelings i know that already. im moving on with my life as of right now. you have changed my whole way of thinking. thank you so much.

You have NO idea how relieved I am. My day will be so much better now. I've been where you are now and I know there is pain no matter what the truth is. You were deceived and mislead. You thought you really loved this guy. You didn't know what he was truly all about. It hurts...and it can hurt bad. The desire to have somebody back often trumps the reality that they're a piece of shxt.

I am glad you are facing reality and moving on, regardless of the pain. I hope this doesn't happen to you again.

November 11, 2006

well im glad your day can go good now, cause you just made my day sooo much better i'm holding my head higher. and i appreciate the quote

If someone is going to love you, they are going to love you no matter what you do for them. If they aren't going to love you, they aren't going to love you no matter how much you do for them.

it means alot. i put it on my myspace page. Thanks Tony T keep in touch.

-Chrissy-

November 11, 2006

I wanted to add to Tony's reponse though. I think it's fine to go out of your way for a person, AS LONG AS the other person is giving just as much. If they aren't, then they're using your kindness.

I can't believe he completely ditched you without even a word! I'd be pissed as hell. The loser doesn't deserve to even breath the same air as you.

p.s. I think he will try to contact you again. When he wants something else, he'll try to get back in your good graces long enough to get it from you, then he'll split again. Whatever happens, ignore him completely. Don't talk to him, don't respond to voice messages, phone calls, emails, IM's.. don't give him the satisfaction of even acknowledging his existence. It's actually a very effective form of hurting someone. Denying their existence. It invalidates them. Which is part of the reason I feel your ex's behavior is so cruel.

November 11, 2006

I wanted to add to Tony's reponse though. I think it's fine to go out of your way for a person, AS LONG AS the other person is giving just as much. If they aren't, then they're using your kindness.

rarely are two people equal in a relationship. most of the time you see one being dominant and the other submissive. I've never been in a relationship where both of us gave equally all the time.

I can't believe he completely ditched you without even a word! I'd be pissed as hell. The loser doesn't deserve to even breath the same air as you..

thats the way the ball bounces i guess

November 11, 2006

I wanted to add to Tony's reponse though. I think it's fine to go out of your way for a person, AS LONG AS the other person is giving just as much. If they aren't, then they're using your kindness.

I can't believe he completely ditched you without even a word! I'd be pissed as hell. The loser doesn't deserve to even breath the same air as you.

p.s. I think he will try to contact you again. When he wants something else, he'll try to get back in your good graces long enough to get it from you, then he'll split again. Whatever happens, ignore him completely. Don't talk to him, don't respond to voice messages, phone calls, emails, IM's.. don't give him the satisfaction of even acknowledging his existence. It's actually a very effective form of hurting someone. Denying their existence. It invalidates them. Which is part of the reason I feel your ex's behavior is so cruel.

Couldn't have said it better myself. EVERY word above is true. Getting rid of users is like killing snakes. You can chop them for a good while but they keep on moving. (Users ARE snakes!!!)

As long as they need something, they will be back. They have no shame. It's almost like they're a machine without feelings...all they know is what they want and they are oblivious to everything else.

November 11, 2006

rarely are two people equal in a relationship. most of the time you see one being dominant and the other submissive. I've never been in a relationship where both of us gave equally all the time.

100 percent CORRECT! Users have no sense of reciprocity and will do the very least they can to keep the goodies coming. It's sickening but the people who do things for them are usually so "in love" and so wanting to impress them that they lose sight of the fact they aren't getting anything back....or they're hoping that the nice things they do will be reciprocated in the future. It NEVER happens!

November 12, 2006

I HATE tattoos but you need to tattoo this on your arm:

If someone is going to love you, they are going to love you no matter what you do for them. If they aren't going to love you, they aren't going to love you no matter how much you do for them.

Tony T , those are words to live by. I learned the hard way after way too long.

My exBF at first would reward me with praise for helping him, over time he increased his requests and pulled back on any thanks.

Finally we broke up after several long years.

I still cared and wanted to be friends. He only wanted to be friends if I kept helping him with the chores/errands/mundane tasks I did when we were dating.

I said no and he still calls me a cold bitch who ended our friendship and abandoned him.

New bf isn't like that at all.

November 13, 2006

Tony T, I just have one more question that is just mind boggling me. Why in the world would he come to my house that same night he picked up his car, to show me and take me for a quick ride??!! Also the last time I spoke with him and when i asked him if he just used me (dont worry i called and spoke with him a few days before i got your advice lol!!, i havent called the loser!!) i joked around with him and told him i would like to see the car in the daylight b/c the two times ive seen the car it was at night, he said you will, you will see it. why would he lead me on like that? I'm sorry I keep asking these questions but like I said before this whole thing is just strange and new to me.

Thanks

November 13, 2006

I learned the hard way after way too long.
My exBF at first would reward me with praise for helping him, over time he increased his requests and pulled back on any thanks.
Finally we broke up after several long years.
I still cared and wanted to be friends. He only wanted to be friends if I kept helping him with the chores/errands/mundane tasks I did when we were dating.
I said no and he still calls me a cold bitch who ended our friendship and abandoned him.
New bf isn't like that at all.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. But i'm proud of you to move on and find someone better. It's rough. It's hard for me right now but i'm hanging in there. I just dont know how these people live with themselves and get a goodnight sleep at night. Well speaking about sleep the jerk has a real hard time sleeping, he would say that he thinks he has sleep apnia or whatever, but it's more like his guilty conscience is keeping him awake at night. Just as long as you and me can look ourselves in the mirror at the end of the day and are proud of who were are, is all that matters, and that makes it easier to just move on.

November 13, 2006

Answers:

1. "Why in the world would he come to my house that same night he picked up his car, to show me and take me for a quick ride??!!"

A mixture of guilt, immaturity and stupidity in not knowing exactly what to do. At that point he was likely confused. He may have done some thinking afterwards or talked to somebody or saw the reaction of other people to his new car and then made a decision. In any case, his very weak and flawed character showed brightly enough for it to be very clear that he should be classified as a sleeze bag in your memory.

2. "...when i asked him if he just used me (dont worry i called and spoke with him a few days before i got your advice lol!!, i havent called the loser!!) i joked around with him and told him i would like to see the car in the daylight b/c the two times ive seen the car it was at night, he said you will, you will see it. why would he lead me on like that?"

See my answer to your first question. When a guy with a terribly weak ego and a very poor sense of himself gets a dick extender, in this case a car, he'll go out of his way to show it to anybody who'll look at it. People like him are oblivious to anything that doesn't have anything to do with them. Hell, he'd show his car to the devil if satan agreed to turn up the air conditioning. To him, this new car is a lot more than transportation...it's his ticket to the kinds of things it will do for him.

This is elementary stuff. Your problem is you're a very nice person and you simply can't understand the minds of evil and chronically sadistic people. Please remain the sweet lady you are but learn that you are in the minority and the greater number of people are out for what they can get. There's an old saying, "Show me a person who'll give you the shirt off his back and I'll show you 50 who'll take it."

November 18, 2006

Well Tony T I just wanted to fill you in on things. STILL no call from the loser - I've hardly even seen him online on messenger - its like he's vanished and has completely forgotten me totally. I have a DATE tomorrow lol! I'm in the beginning of the moving on process. I've moved on ever since the day you gave me your great advice but now i'm taking that extra step. I wanted to thank you again for making me stronger. Thanx again

Sincerely,

the new and improved

-Chrissy-

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