justagirlforever Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 I'll share my story and perhaps you will see something in it that might give you inspiration. I was a total virgin until the age of 27 (no kissing, no touching no nothing - no dating even - not even 1 single date or ever being asked out) - that was 6 years ago. So not all that long really My dad died when I was very young, so grew up only with my mom and my sister. My mom never dated and there were no other men ever in the house. Men were alien creatures to me. I went to a mixed school and though boys didn't bother or scare me - they were like different beings to me. I had a few crushes, but nothing more. Now and again I'd notice an attraction, but never made it apparent. I grew up fairly conservatively and sex was an unspoken subject right throughout my entire school period (age 18). I also went through a period where I had incredibly bad acne - but that was completely controlled during school when I was on antibiotics (for many many years!). Then I stopped taking it and KAPOW - full blown acne. It got so bad that strangers actually made comments and told me to go and see a doctor (that was gutting). But I did - was put on the pill (funny that I always thought it was a contraceptive, but this one also happen to control acne). My acne disappeared in my mid twenties and I actually have a very good skin now - and it's hard to see I ever had acne. Aaaaaanyway - back to being a virgin. Yes, it made me feel like a major outcast. When my friends spoke about boyfriends or relationships, I just "tuned out" because I didn't understand it. Then one day - it was like a lightning bolt out of the sky. I will never forget. I saw this guy (if ever I had a fantasy about a dream guy looks wise - he was it and more) and it was like "WHAM" - instantly I just snapped out of it. I won't go into details, but suffice to say was a virgin no more. I'd also like to add that I have absolutely NO regrets and it was one of the best things ever - and I will simply never see it any other way. It liberated me in such a way that my life and outlook on men changed 100%. Though of course I still don't understand them! That doesn't mean that life / dating / love was plain sailing after that. But the realisation that if the situation was to change, I'd have to make it change. It wasn't that I'd been thinking of not wanting to be a virgin anymore or having loads of fantasies etc. In fact up to that point, nothing at all. But I think I suddenly realised that only I can change and make that change if I want to. No prince on a white horse was going to come and sweep me away to live happily ever after. Up until then, I was emotionally locking myself away so that I didn't have to deal with emotions, heartache, dissapointment - and love. Because I hated myself and my myself the outcast. My advice - if your acne is still an issue for you - go and see a doctor and see if there's anything available that might be able to help this (I'm sure there is). That's one step towards a confidence boost. Then, smile. People are naturally attracted to people who smile. Do you have any interests hobby wise - or sports? Join a club and meet some like-minded people. Try to make some more friends in a circle you feel more at ease. Just do that for now (on top of the reading as advised above) and see how it goes. Good luck!
Walk Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 I looked up Keloids. Don't know if your scars are like the pic's I saw, but i could see how that could cause you to feel unattractive. But it's not the scars that will determine your success or failure with women, it's your attitude. Women have a great ability to look past physical appearanch, however, Defeatism is not attractive. My bf was given a colostomy bag when he 20. He has hirschprungs disease, and got into an accident that ruined what was left of his intestines. At the time, he was going to college, taking clases like every other american who wanted to get ahead in life... except his excrements drained into a bag attached to his side, instead of the toilet like "normal" people. In addition, he also has scars covering 99% of his body from when his father beat him as a child. Severe scaring on his back and butt from his father using a chain on him once. Its something that embarresses him, a reminder of a bad period of his life. Plus, his body can't fight off the bacteria that causes boils, so a lot of times he has enlarged areas on his body that are very painful and infected. And they also cause scarring. Basically, he's probably what most would call the epitomy of "ick" from the superficial stand point. But he gets women like he's brad pitt or something. Every freakin' time we go out there's another girl hitting on him. He's the same age as me, and he's had more "partners" then the average male in my age group. It's attitude. Not looks. My bf has confidence oozing out of his ears. And it didn't come from getting a girl. It came from inside him, of not allowing "life" to control him. He refused to allow it to defeat him, and instead shook his fist at god and decided to show the world that he was someone great. You let your own thoughts defeat you. Change the thoughts and your life will change.
InLimbo2 Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 True - no CURE for keloids - but there are many treatments out there - see a good dermatologist.
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