the21yearoldvirgin Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 To start it off, I'm still a virgin in everyway that a virgin can be in. I've never kissed, touched, had a intimate relationship with a girl. During highschool I had bad acne so I avoided relationships and during my community college years I never hooked up. I did meet some amazing girls that I tried to date but they denied me so I got pissed off/frustraited so I just stopped thinking about women. Its to the point where I want to be asexual now. I really hate women and I don't want to ever be in love because I don't understand them. Now I'm at a University and its just as bad. I don't meet any girls except for a select few that I know from classes, but I'm not interested in them. Anyways I have way too many problems trying meet women. Like when you see a guy trying to get a girls number but the girl is weirded out and stuff, I feel like I'm that guy if I ever attempt to get a girls number. I have never attempted to do this because I feel like such a creep doing it. I'm very passive and quiet and its always a choir for me to strike a conversation with women as well. It always seems like they aren't interested so I just avoid it now as well. My body is scared badly so I hate being touched unless I have a sweater on to help disguise my scars. Another problem is that I'm more into indie, punk, hardcore, non mainstream music so I have a totally different side to music compared to almost all people that go to my college so that adds to another block. I'm 100% sure that if I don't find a girl during college, I will never date. Its such a hassle now. On top of that my parents always ask me if I found any girls and I always have to say no, and my brother thinks I'm gay because I never brought a girl home. Sorry for my drunkin' rant but I had to let it out. I'm running out of motivation and I wish I could turn asexual since it seems like the best preferance for me right now. No girl will ever attempt to be with me and I'm too shy to get with one. Its so awkward for me.
magichands Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I'm running out of motivation and I wish I could turn asexual since it seems like the best preferance for me right now. You're just running out of patience. I think you need to find something to distract you from girls and sex. Girls and sex. Girls and sex. No girl will ever attempt to be with me and I'm too shy to get with one. I know that 21 seems old to you. Everyone is doing it like rabbits. You should sit down and make a list of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Then throw away the bad and the ugly. The good is what you have to cultivate. For example - your taste in music. It's somewhat unique?! Who says there isn't a like-minded soul out there that is sick of the mainstream. The point is...just be yourself. If nobody goes for the real you, then that's kind of tough luck. Life can be a bitch sometimes. But focus on the "good" from your list, and hold your head up high. Otherwise you might as well be dead, dude. Nobody said that life is meant to be easy. Good luck.
lizzielou Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I think you have to be comfortable with yourself before you'll be ready for someone like a girlfriend. Try to keep in mind that pretty much everyone is insecure with something or another about themselves -- I can name plenty about myself! I've listened to all kinds of music and there are always people out there who listen to the same stuff. Work on your friendships for right now. Your friends will reinforce how good of a person you are, both inside and out. Don't put a deadline on when you will date b/c you're just putting pressure on yourself. I know quite a few people who haven't gotten married until they were close to 40; and I also know people who married the first person they had a serious relationship with. Everyone has a different situation.
Author the21yearoldvirgin Posted November 11, 2006 Author Posted November 11, 2006 I see.. I forgot to mention that I don't have a sex drive really. If I were to get a girlfriend I would just like to hang out and sleep together and wake up to see here (not the dirty sleep). How much more patient should I be? I mean I'm 21, I know a 16 year old that has dated more than me. Before you think thats wierd, I've known the kid since he was born and we're both Polish and speak it so our parents talk a lot. Anyways I think I should just train myself to shut myself completly from trying to get to a girl.
magichands Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Work on your friendships for right now. Your friends will reinforce how good of a person you are, both inside and out. Don't put a deadline on when you will date b/c you're just putting pressure on yourself. Totally awesome advice.
Author the21yearoldvirgin Posted November 11, 2006 Author Posted November 11, 2006 I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I think you have to be comfortable with yourself before you'll be ready for someone like a girlfriend. Try to keep in mind that pretty much everyone is insecure with something or another about themselves -- I can name plenty about myself! I've listened to all kinds of music and there are always people out there who listen to the same stuff. Work on your friendships for right now. Your friends will reinforce how good of a person you are, both inside and out. Don't put a deadline on when you will date b/c you're just putting pressure on yourself. I know quite a few people who haven't gotten married until they were close to 40; and I also know people who married the first person they had a serious relationship with. Everyone has a different situation. Thanks for the advice, but I'm 100% positive I will never feel comfortable with myself, its implanted in my head. When people whisper/laugh I always assume they are talking about me, its just automatic. I know people here, but I don't think I would really want to be their friends, they are more like aquintances (sp). I guess I shouldn't put a load on find a girl because it probably will never happen and even now I don't even know what my limits are.
funkify Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 It puzzles me, you say you prefer not being touched even if you got a girl since you don't have a sex drive, however you want to be sexual. I'm confused.
Author the21yearoldvirgin Posted November 11, 2006 Author Posted November 11, 2006 It puzzles me, you say you prefer not being touched even if you got a girl since you don't have a sex drive, however you want to be sexual. I'm confused. I meant that I don't want to be sexually touched. I never said I want to be sexual, I was just pointed out that I never was sexual or been close to a woman. When I mean touched it means just being touched like on my back or a hug. My back is scared like hell.
funkify Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I meant that I don't want to be sexually touched. I never said I want to be sexual, I was just pointed out that I never was sexual or been close to a woman. When I mean touched it means just being touched like on my back or a hug. My back is scared like hell. First of all, you are being waaay too hard on yourself. Take a look around at the couples around. Some are ugly, good-looking, short/tall, all different combinations can be found. People are all different and we are all flawed in some way. Yet, still manage to find love. There is hope for everyone. Secondly, I've had problems with acne myself. I was put on Roaccutane at 12 which thankfully got rid of the worst bout but I still struggle occasionally. Acne and acne scarring is very common and there are many treatments out there, Intense pulsed light therapy is just one off the top of my head. See your dermatologist who would be able to recommend some treatments for you. It is worth it. Thirdly, don't use your inexperience as a 'reason' for people rejecting you. Not everyone is doing it like rabbits, trust me. I have a very good friend who is stunning and 23 yet has never had a boyfriend (ie. virgin). Sure, it is more common to find non-virgins rather than virgins as you get older but really it's only an issue if you make it to be one. Finally, the most important thing to work on is your self-esteem. I can recommend you a fantastic book which is widely used professionally called 10 Days to Great Self-Esteem - David Burns. It is accompanied by The Feeling Good Handbook - David Burns. Good luck and remember...love surprises us when we least expect it
bluescreenlife Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 First of all, I'd look at statements like "I'm 100% sure that if I don't find a girl during college, I will never date", "I'm 100% positive I will never feel comfortable with myself", and "No girl will ever attempt to be with me" - look at that clearly, rationally, and you'll realize you have NO way of knowing that. People change and lives change, and this kind of irrational belief is the first thing that needs to go. Building self-confidence and social skills can take a long time, but you should realize that at 21, you still have that long time. People are single and dating into their 40s and beyond, and it'll happen for you as soon as you're ready. Seems like you have body image issues re: scarring that are really holding you back. One suggestion is to work out, you'll feel more confident in the way your body looks and feels. If you're self-conscious about it you can do it at home - check http://www.turningpointonline.info/5bx_plan.htm for a good start. Martial arts helped me a lot, it builds confidence and assertiveness, and every dojo I've ever been to has been full of friendly, interesting people that'll give you a constant chance to practice your social skills. And that practice should be a priority too. Maybe try volunteer work, it's a great way to meet people that are kind and accepting of all sorts of people. Also, your taste in music is a bonus, not a block! I like some crazy music too and I've always found that people (girls included) love it when you turn them on to some cool obscure new band. Get a campus radio show and you've got a chance to improve your verbal skills as well as meet new people. Also, try to take your focus off this whole thing with girls. Let it relax and cultivate your other interests. I know most of us in our 20s are obsessed with sex but that doesn't mean you have to be. Stop struggling to do the thing that's hardest for you and do things that come more easily, and you'll have fun for one thing, and for another you'll be building respect for yourself and becoming more at ease around people by the practice you get along the way. There's way more to your identity than being a 21 year old virgin, so change that user name! Build all the other things up and soon you'll be a strong and clear-headed version of yourself, which is all you have to be to attract women. Sound all right?
quietintrovertgirl Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I'm a 36 year old virgin female and proud of it. Yes it's hate dating and being a virgin especially if you want sex with a commitment(via LT Bf or Spouse). My advice to you is don't focus on SEX all the time and just get to know as many women on a verbal intimacy level.I wouldn't listen to men brag about their sex lives either becuase most men lie about their sexual experiences.Men never tell you about having premature erection,women faking orgasm on them or being bad in bed. 21yearoldvirgin don't be in a rush to experience intercourse.It's better to get to know a woman brain first.
Green Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 sounds like u have it all u dont want anything sexual from girls and ur not getting anything sexual. With out sexual touching its going to be hard to get a romantic gf. and telling a girl you just want her to sleep over but no sex y do u even want that. how bad is or was ur acne stop worying about ur scarred back
Loserdude Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I'm a 36 year old virgin female and proud of it. Yes it's hate dating and being a virgin especially if you want sex with a commitment(via LT Bf or Spouse). My advice to you is don't focus on SEX all the time and just get to know as many women on a verbal intimacy level.I wouldn't listen to men brag about their sex lives either becuase most men lie about their sexual experiences.Men never tell you about having premature erection,women faking orgasm on them or being bad in bed. 21yearoldvirgin don't be in a rush to experience intercourse.It's better to get to know a woman brain first. You should be proud of it. It's an admirable thing (depending of course your reasons behind it). But most - and I mean 99% - of the women I know and have this conversation with (which is not many) regret losing it when and how they did.
IpAncA Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Its to the point where I want to be asexual now. I really hate women and I don't want to ever be in love because I don't understand them. Come on now you don't want to become asexual because you've had bad luck with women. Seems like your just frustrated thats all. Now I'm at a University and its just as bad. I don't meet any girls except for a select few that I know from classes, but I'm not interested in them. Anyways I have way too many problems trying meet women. Like when you see a guy trying to get a girls number but the girl is weirded out and stuff, I feel like I'm that guy if I ever attempt to get a girls number. I have never attempted to do this because I feel like such a creep doing it. I'm very passive and quiet and its always a choir for me to strike a conversation with women as well. It always seems like they aren't interested so I just avoid it now as well. Some of the best ways to meet women is to join groups that intrest you or if you work, then get to know some of the women there. Maybe in your case you should just get to know women better before asking. You never know, maybe someone will ask you. My body is scared badly so I hate being touched unless I have a sweater on to help disguise my scars. Another problem is that I'm more into indie, punk, hardcore, non mainstream music so I have a totally different side to music compared to almost all people that go to my college so that adds to another block. There are things now that can help with being scared. Have you looked into those yet or tryed any? I'm 100% sure that if I don't find a girl during college, I will never date. Its such a hassle now. On top of that my parents always ask me if I found any girls and I always have to say no, and my brother thinks I'm gay because I never brought a girl home. Why don't you want to date anyone after college? Why do you have to find someone while your there? It's only a hassle if you make it out to be. Do you really care what your family or brother thinks about you? IMO I think you should just stop thinking about it, go with the flow of things and eventually someone will come around that might interest you.
BannaBee57 Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Something really stood out to me in your post... "I really hate women and I don't want to ever be in love because I don't understand them". Ever thought that maybe they can sense this and thats why they don't act interested in you? Why do you want to date if you hate women? Not to be weird, but have you ever struggled with your own sexual preferance? It might be something to think about.
Guest Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 You sound like me....a Highly Sensitive soul. Thomas Eldridge has a online site Message board...where Sensitive souls reside. It's very active there! To find this site...simply type into google seach engine, the word: Sensitive Being sensitive simply means I am wired differently...in relation to my brain transmitters. I also have a book called: The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. Please give it a try. I hope this helps. To start it off, I'm still a virgin in everyway that a virgin can be in. I've never kissed, touched, had a intimate relationship with a girl. During highschool I had bad acne so I avoided relationships and during my community college years I never hooked up. I did meet some amazing girls that I tried to date but they denied me so I got pissed off/frustraited so I just stopped thinking about women. Its to the point where I want to be asexual now. I really hate women and I don't want to ever be in love because I don't understand them. Now I'm at a University and its just as bad. I don't meet any girls except for a select few that I know from classes, but I'm not interested in them. Anyways I have way too many problems trying meet women. Like when you see a guy trying to get a girls number but the girl is weirded out and stuff, I feel like I'm that guy if I ever attempt to get a girls number. I have never attempted to do this because I feel like such a creep doing it. I'm very passive and quiet and its always a choir for me to strike a conversation with women as well. It always seems like they aren't interested so I just avoid it now as well. My body is scared badly so I hate being touched unless I have a sweater on to help disguise my scars. Another problem is that I'm more into indie, punk, hardcore, non mainstream music so I have a totally different side to music compared to almost all people that go to my college so that adds to another block. I'm 100% sure that if I don't find a girl during college, I will never date. Its such a hassle now. On top of that my parents always ask me if I found any girls and I always have to say no, and my brother thinks I'm gay because I never brought a girl home. Sorry for my drunkin' rant but I had to let it out. I'm running out of motivation and I wish I could turn asexual since it seems like the best preferance for me right now. No girl will ever attempt to be with me and I'm too shy to get with one. Its so awkward for me.
Author the21yearoldvirgin Posted November 12, 2006 Author Posted November 12, 2006 Something really stood out to me in your post... "I really hate women and I don't want to ever be in love because I don't understand them". Ever thought that maybe they can sense this and thats why they don't act interested in you? Why do you want to date if you hate women? Not to be weird, but have you ever struggled with your own sexual preferance? It might be something to think about. I don't show my hate towards women, its not really a hate, its more that I'm just frustriated that I've never had a close one and it seems like women keep distance from me for the most part. I don't know where your idea of homosexuality came from but I'm not attracted to men.
Author the21yearoldvirgin Posted November 12, 2006 Author Posted November 12, 2006 Come on now you don't want to become asexual because you've had bad luck with women. Seems like your just frustrated thats all. Some of the best ways to meet women is to join groups that intrest you or if you work, then get to know some of the women there. Maybe in your case you should just get to know women better before asking. You never know, maybe someone will ask you. I tried looking for some kind of group but nothing really came up. There are things now that can help with being scared. Have you looked into those yet or tryed any? There is no cure for keloids, its how the body heals a cut or acne, by over-healing leave a cancerious looking patch of red skin that. Why don't you want to date anyone after college? Why do you have to find someone while your there? It's only a hassle if you make it out to be. Do you really care what your family or brother thinks about you? IMO I think you should just stop thinking about it, go with the flow of things and eventually someone will come around that might interest you. Because If I'm struggling dating in a environment with lots a girls how am I supposed to find women when they are scarce? I'll have a job and probably no time to go out and find someone, I barely go out now
Author the21yearoldvirgin Posted November 12, 2006 Author Posted November 12, 2006 I'm a 36 year old virgin female and proud of it. Yes it's hate dating and being a virgin especially if you want sex with a commitment(via LT Bf or Spouse). My advice to you is don't focus on SEX all the time and just get to know as many women on a verbal intimacy level.I wouldn't listen to men brag about their sex lives either becuase most men lie about their sexual experiences.Men never tell you about having premature erection,women faking orgasm on them or being bad in bed. 21yearoldvirgin don't be in a rush to experience intercourse.It's better to get to know a woman brain first. I'm not focused on sex, I was just implying that I have no experience at anything dealing with women. I would love to get to know some women first but I barely meet anyone and I'm not the type to just go up to a girl and talk to her.
Green Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 you should look for a poster on this forum that goes by the user name of Ross_K or something like that I bet hed be able to give u advice...
quietintrovertgirl Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 you should look for a poster on this forum that goes by the user name of Ross_K or something like that I bet hed be able to give u advice... KMT, Good idea!Yeah i think my little bro would be a good person for 21yearvirgin to talk too.
theadventure50120 Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 I know how you feel. In school i had no confidence , i had spots to. (well everyone did basically). Then when i left school i changed my image completey , my face was cleared. It took me till 17yrs old to kiss my first girl then 20yrs old to lose my virginity. My friends would make fun of me , and now i have probably done more then them. Now i am confident , when i talk to a girl i just think better to get it over and done with knowing what happens then moan about it. I take that attitude in alot of things i do. You'll be suprised if you try it , girls can spot a unconfident person a mile off. Just sit tight don't get bothered about what others do , you will catch up. and yes if you need to make friends with girls first , let them build your confidences. I didn't build my confidenes until i got the internet and i got compliments off girls which i didn't think was possible. People see you different then you see yourself.
IpAncA Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 I tried looking for some kind of group but nothing really came up. Well if you go to a small school then I see where you would have problems with that. Humm...you could always join your campus volunteer group or something alone the lines of it. Actually a great way to meet people would have been joining a frat. but if you didn't then thats ok. There is no cure for keloids, its how the body heals a cut or acne, by over-healing leave a cancerious looking patch of red skin that. You know there are a lot of people that will look past all of that and accept you for who you are. You just have to find them because they are out there. Because If I'm struggling dating in a environment with lots a girls how am I supposed to find women when they are scarce? I'll have a job and probably no time to go out and find someone, I barely go out now Women are not scarce if you go where they are at. I can see what your saying about later on but I wouldn't throw the towel in yet. Your only 21 and a lot can happen from now. I've heard to many people who think that if they don't find someone in school then they will never find anyone. Do you really think that if you met someone say tomorrow and then started a relationship with them, that relationship is going to last forever? Maybe it would but then again maybe it would only last for say a couple of years. You find long term relationships when you find them. Life is funny sometimes and shutting yourself from meeting someone is not something that I recommend someone doing especially someone who is so young. I think you need to boast your self-confidence up a bit and then go from there.
MikeC Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 Believe me. That right girl will come along when you least expect it. I had the worst luck with women. When I was just floating along, she came out of nowhere. Don't sweat it.
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