inde4544 Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Been 2 weeks no contact which has been great and I know it is the right thing to do. I havent felt better but I still find myself looking to see if I see her car places and crap like that. Anyone else experience things like that. I just want to cut out that part of my memory and just forget about it but it has only been 2 weeks, any stories on when you have forgotten the ex?
BenThereDunThat Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I can't tell you any exact dates on when I finally 'forgot' the ex -- there was never that one 'aha' moment. I just know that I did. That's one of the things helping me through what I'm going through now. When I'm feeling bad, I just remember back to a painful break-up in my past. At the time the sight of a red pick-up truck would make my heart drop to my stomach. Now, every once in a while I'll see one and think, man, how dumb was that? It seems like a lifetime ago. Hard to explain I guess. But you're right, it's only been two weeks. It will take a little more time. One thing I've learned, is that for me to miss someone now, they better have given me something to miss. Don't know if that makes sense or not in regards to what you're going through. I will tell you this, though. Not one break-up do I ever regret in the long run. I almost always look back and can't believe I ever felt that way about them in the first place.
magichands Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I will tell you this, though. Not one break-up do I ever regret in the long run. I almost always look back and can't believe I ever felt that way about them in the first place. Do you think that means you have never actually found true love?? (Stupid question, I know - because then you would still be with them, right?!) Are feelings really based on such little substance? (Interestingly I can't relate to what you're saying, but I know my ex feels exactly like you do...in relation to me, I mean.)
BenThereDunThat Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Do you think that means you have never actually found true love?? (Stupid question, I know - because then you would still be with them, right?!) Are feelings really based on such little substance? (Interestingly I can't relate to what you're saying, but I know my ex feels exactly like you do...in relation to me, I mean.) I absolutely feel that I have never found true love. I'm smart in a lot of ways, but when it comes to relationships, I am not too bright. I still hope though. I'll get it right one of these days. I was just thinking tonight that there's a reason I haven't found it yet. What that reason is, I'm not sure. Not sure what you mean by such little substance. Actually, red truck guy, I do kind of regret not handling things differently. But, if we were meant to be together, we would have been. Just be glad I wasn't on LS back in those days! Are you absolutely sure that's how your ex feels about you? If so, why?
magichands Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Not sure what you mean by such little substance. I mean that we had these feelings at one time...what were they based on? It's complicated, maybe, but you would think these feelings stem from their personalities, significant things they did for us, shared moments - whatever. Concrete things. Enough "substance" that our feelings won't be reduced to indifference over time. Are you absolutely sure that's how your ex feels about you? If so, why? I'm as sure as I can be that she is completely indifferent towards me. She ceased all contact. She said some pretty cold and absolute things in her last correspondence to me. Things that pretty much would make anyone think that there is no feeling left.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I mean that we had these feelings at one time...what were they based on? It's complicated, maybe, but you would think these feelings stem from their personalities, significant things they did for us, shared moments - whatever. Concrete things. Enough "substance" that our feelings won't be reduced to indifference over time. Gotcha. But really, it's a defense mechanism, isn't it? I have to believe that or else it would just eat me up inside. A lot of it has to do with my track record of settling. If I had ever believed in myself enough to date anyone with substance, I'd probably be singing a different tune. I'm as sure as I can be that she is completely indifferent towards me. She ceased all contact. She said some pretty cold and absolute things in her last correspondence to me. Things that pretty much would make anyone think that there is no feeling left. Not knowing your history, I don't know what to tell you there. It could be that she's afraid to be anything but indifferent to you lest you think there's still some hope there.
magichands Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Gotcha. But really, it's a defense mechanism, isn't it? I have to believe that or else it would just eat me up inside. Point taken. Not knowing your history, I don't know what to tell you there. It could be that she's afraid to be anything but indifferent to you lest you think there's still some hope there.Anything is possible, I guess - but my ex knows I'm not one that's prone to hassling. I'm practically the embodiment of harmless! I suppose, though, that as much as I love her, and am happy that she is happy now...there is always going to be the odd selfish thought lingering within me.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Point taken. Anything is possible, I guess - but my ex knows I'm not one that's prone to hassling. I'm practically the embodiment of harmless! I suppose, though, that as much as I love her, and am happy that she is happy now...there is always going to be the odd selfish thought lingering within me. Could be guilt that she just doesn't know how to deal with or want to have to face straight on. Kind of an out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing. How long have you been broken up?
SoundedPlum Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I think the goal of "forgetting" your ex seems nearly impossible... instead of forgetting your ex, why don't you just accept it's over? Well I don't know the full extent of your story, but... it's hard to forget someone, especially if you shared something intimate with them. Two weeks is really nothing. I have an ex who broke up with me about a month ago and it's really helped me doing the "NC" thing and just going out with friends. I guess it also helps that we ended it on good terms and we talked everything out and I found closure from that, which helped me move on... Don't focus on forgetting about them because if all you think about is, "Gosh, I need to forget her! Why am I thinking about her?"... that's all you'll be doing: THINKING about them! Accept that you miss them and accept that they were a part of your life. Time heals, it really does. It's normal to try and see if you'll bump into them places or scope out their cars in parking lots. I'm guilty, I still look in my ex's car to see if he still has this stuffed animal that I gave him on his dashboard because he parks right next to me at school... and he still has it! However, I do NOT avoid him because one day, he might magically show up and all these feelings I thought I DIDN'T have for him anymore might just come flooding back in one big mess... I haven't forgotten ANY of my exes (I've only had 4... but I only had real feelings for one of them)... it's just remembering your ex that hurts right now, but soon you'll be able to look back and remember things and SMILE instead of feeling sad.. I hope I made sense:o
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