Guest Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Maybe I should have posted this on the dating board, im not sure, but im also going thru a breakup for the last 6 weeks. My ex and I were talking thru our whole breakup and I kept getting the hints that she wanted to work things out, then one day she just up and tells me she doesnt feel that spark and that it probably wont happen. The next week i saw her at a concert and she came up to say hi, i was drinking and just angry that it was so easy for her to come up to me, when I could barely look at her without having my heart ripped out, so I started a big argument, u know, the usual accusing her of stuff and just venting my anger. There were a few days of her saying she cant believe how I acted and it hurt her feelings (which did kind of make me feel better) then we just shut down contact. I felt good for a while knowing things were completely done, that we'd probably never speak again, and i can move on. Okay..now the main part... After breakups, I usually got months, and in one case 2 years before dating another girl. I just started a new job and there has been one girl I thougth was cute. Im never one to just walk up to girls but I ALMOST did just from thinking about my breakup and wanting to change my approach. Well it turns out this girl liked me too. We have been talking, went to lunch a few times, went out drinkings, we've kissed, held hands, etc....but its only been about 2 weeks. My problem is, I like this girl. SHe's cute and fun to be around, but I cant stop that dreaded "She's not my ex" thinking. I hate it. I can admit she's not as pretty, not as fun, and im nowhere near as into her now as I was into my ex after a month of knowing her. I dont want to think like this because it means I havent moved on and its not fair to her. Im never a guy to rebound on some girl, but if it wasnt for her I'd still be as depressed as I was all of last month. But like I said, I cant stop thinking, "yeah i like this girl, but how much happier would I be if i was eating dinner with my ex tongiht and not her" Its terrible. Maybe im just that kind of guy cuz i was kind of doing it with my recent ex, about an ex from 2 years ago!! Why cant I just be happy that I had a chance to move on so quickly and enjoy someone elses company because this usually NEVER happens for me. Its usually months and months before I ever meet another person. Im usually depressed forever about it until i finally get lucky enough to meet a girl I like. So why cant i just be happy now?? Each time I go out, i think people are going to tell my ex how my new girl isnt as good as her, and she'll just gain more confidence. I think everyones laughing at me for losing my ex and having to "settle' for this girl. I know I know its a horrible way to think and I shouldnt care what people say or think, but I cant help it. Like I said, all I thought before i knew this girl was "if i could hook up with her, i'd forget about my ex" now that I have, that doesnt prove to be the case. All i do is compare her with everything, and I cant stop. What can I do and what is wrong with me??
amaysngrace Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Dude, you gotta let the past go. You are in today. Yet you seem to dwell in thinking of the past. It's really bad to do to yourself. It's a bad way to think. You can change your thought pattern. Instead of being stuck in yesterday, focus on today and tomorrow. Every time a thought pops into your head and you find yourself going backwards, stop yourself and make a choice to think of today. If you need closure of all your yesterdays, jot down the most important stuff, contemplate the important people and events, see it thoroughly, and take a bit of good from it, but LET IT GO. Personally I don't think you should be involved with anyone right now. Relationships are give and take. How can you give to someone else if you're incomplete?
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