simpleman Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Hi, I've posted a few questions here and there over the past year and half as my LDR continues to progress. It's been a bumpy ride as with any LDR. While still dealing with insecurity and possessive issues, which I'm still seeking ideas on resolving. The current two issues are a little new to me because it's never come up in the past. Transition We are needing help on how to transition from a LDR to a regular relationship as she plans on moving to my town soon. We are just having issues of money, apartments, jobs, etc... as she doesn't know the process of moving by herself. The other issue is that my mom is afraid she will smother me when she gets here. Could this happen? Just visited my girlfriend like three weeks ago. Wasn't possessive while I was there. Activities outside LDR Over the past year I've dedicated myself to work, school, and my LDR. Recently I have decided to partake in social activities with the guys from work, Airsoft for those curious. My girlfriend believes this is going to change me, and I feel like she sees it as unfair. Matter of fact I have always felt like she really changed when she started going out with me. It is her choice if she wants to go out with friends and partake in social activities; however, I feel like she is utilizing this as a guilt method because she says she gave up all those activities to spend it with me; however, I feel like that's a little bit too much. I've already told her it's okay to hang out with friends if she feels like it is unfair, but the way she replied sounded like she doesn't want to hang out with them, only me. Although I believe this is just her trying to make me feel guilty. Meh, trying to handle all this drama. Ideas or comments?
Guest Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Does she know people in your town? Does she have good chances of finding a job there (demand for rocket scientists tends to be quite low in a small town on North Dakota)? Is she someone who has a good chance of making friends easily / outgoing (so that she can be more independent from you, and not make you her whole life, or smother you). As you are already living in your town, it is probably easier for you to find apartments for good prices. Smothering could definitely occur. Money may be an issue, and thus would encourage being a bit more tight with the money the two of you have; which may affect the relationship, because you don't go out to dinner as often, movies, etc. Just visited my girlfriend like three weeks ago. Wasn't possessive while I was there. Visits are different from living 24/7 together, even moreso in a town she may barely be familiar with. Activities outside LDR Over the past year I've dedicated myself to work, school, and my LDR. Recently I have decided to partake in social activities with the guys from work, Airsoft for those curious. Can't blame you for that . Those are healthy and important pursuits. My girlfriend believes this is going to change me, and I feel like she sees it as unfair. Why would it be unfair? You can't stick around college until the day you die, can you? As people grow up and mature their interests and pursuits change. And depending on the person, they can change a lot. But you say "I feel she sees it...", have you had a good discussion with her about this? Preferably face-to face? Life is more than just a single relationship with one's SO. Did she ever state the reasons why she chooses not to pursue activities with friends, other than spending (virtual) time with you? And if she is not going to change that, your mom may well be right about the smothering . I've already told her it's okay to hang out with friends if she feels like it is unfair, but the way she replied sounded like she doesn't want to hang out with them, only me. Although I believe this is just her trying to make me feel guilty. Could be a guilt-trip thingy. Could be she is so completely smitten with you, that she thinks neglecting everything and everyone else won't lead to any problems. That happens a lot, both in LDRs as in regular relationships. If you suggest things to her like hanging out with friends, stress the positives that has for her (e.g. social interactions, going to concerts, etc). Neither of you can't spend 24/7 online, let alone have something to say 24/7. The same will hold for a live-in relationship.
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