luvtoto Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I have a confession to make, that may make some of my posts more understandable. I am still in love with my X-fiance. There!! I said it. I haven't even been able to admit that to myself. It's been over four years since our breakup. I've been instructed by LS friends to get over him. I am trying desperately to move-on. But, seems like I am just denying myself of how I really feel. But, it seems with each guy I hold, it just reminds me of *him*. Still, after all this time. He doesn't kiss like my X, he doesn't hold me like my X, he doesn't stir up the passion in me like my X....blahblahblah. I am one screwed up puppy. How am I gonna get my 'X' out of my mind for good? Maybe, he broke me.
Mythical Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I have a confession to make, that may make some of my posts more understandable. I am still in love with my X-fiance. There!! I said it. I haven't even been able to admit that to myself. It's been over four years since our breakup. I've been instructed by LS friends to get over him. I am trying desperately to move-on. But, seems like I am just denying myself of how I really feel. But, it seems with each guy I hold, it just reminds me of *him*. Still, after all this time. He doesn't kiss like my X, he doesn't hold me like my X, he doesn't stir up the passion in me like my X....blahblahblah. I am one screwed up puppy. How am I gonna get my 'X' out of my mind for good? Maybe, he broke me. well I don't really think I have advice I mean...don't worry your not the only one! I was going to try and say "once you meet someone to replace him it will be fine" but you have met ppl and no one compares to him! Im sorry its goig tough for you, I guess yu just have to be strong. I don't think ive ever read any of your posts about this situation so im not too sure how you guys broke up or anything.but no chance of you getting back together?
Pyro Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I have a confession to make, that may make some of my posts more understandable. I am still in love with my X-fiance. There!! I said it. I haven't even been able to admit that to myself. It's been over four years since our breakup. I've been instructed by LS friends to get over him. I am trying desperately to move-on. But, seems like I am just denying myself of how I really feel. But, it seems with each guy I hold, it just reminds me of *him*. Still, after all this time. He doesn't kiss like my X, he doesn't hold me like my X, he doesn't stir up the passion in me like my X....blahblahblah. I am one screwed up puppy. How am I gonna get my 'X' out of my mind for good? Maybe, he broke me. Luv, the past is the past. You guys broke up for a reason. Instead of thinking about him and the past, why don't you concentrate on what is in front of you. You have a guy, aside from his kissing problem, he sounds like a pretty terrific guy. Life is about looking forward, not behind.
alphamale Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 How am I gonna get my 'X' out of my mind for good? you never will sister...get used to it.
Art_Critic Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Admit to yourself that you aren't in love with him but the idea of him or the idea of him and you together. I used to feel the same way about my ex from a couple of years ago.. but I realized that she wasn't all that and she treated me like crap.. I also realized that by me moving on and leaving her in my past I was cementing my future to be with someone who can love me for who I am and accept me on the same basis. As soon as I admitted that I deserved better than her I started to move on .. it was her loss..not mine.. slowly at first and then pow.. I'm totally over her and in a great relationship that is growing and not based on negativity. Forgive yourself.. you will start to move on LuvToto
Art_Critic Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 By the way.. this thread is going to be a good thing for you.. It might even give the new BF a new chance or shot at your heart.. Good for you for posting this..
Author luvtoto Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 By the way.. this thread is going to be a good thing for you.. It might even give the new BF a new chance or shot at your heart.. Good for you for posting this.. Thanks, A_C. All I've been doing lately is nit-picking the things this new guy has been doing. Well, actually, every guy that I've dated in the last year. I'm just never satisfied anymore. I AM trying sooo hard to be happy with someone that isn't my X. But, it just seems like nothing compares. I mean, for me to at least be dating, is a major accomplishment in getting over him. There are those people out there that never love again after someone very special breaks their heart. Is that my destiny? I am getting scared.
Art_Critic Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 There are those people out there that never love again after someone very special breaks their heart. Is that my destiny? I am getting scared. I have only fallen in love a small handful of women and of those only one broke my heart..the ex from a couple of years ago. It hurt a lot.. I used to think I no longer had a heart..that is was replaced or pummeled into a beating lump of scar tissue.. With time and meeting the right people I repaired my heart.. yes people.. because I dated several women until I met the girl I'm with now that would mean that the women that I have dated since were all part of my healing process.. even though I haven't been with the new GF long I know that she has a chance with me.. because I finally got rid of what I was using to protect myself.. I longer feel the need to protect my heart.. You will love again.. I promise
Author luvtoto Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 And another thing!! I will never allow myself to love someone like that again. ..blindly. Only to have him pull the rug out from under me in the end. It's sad to know that I will never love innocently like that again. I am just jaded now. Maybe, I should put this in the Rant section.
magichands Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 How am I gonna get my 'X' out of my mind for good? Maybe, he broke me. Funny, isn't it. I mean, my ex never gives me a thought, and I'm totally obsessed with making comparisons. A bit like you, but I think I'm way more psychotic about it. You just have to force your mind to stop making comparisons, that's all. It isn't fair. It's definitely not fair to your partner. You have to cultivate the love you have in your life right now. The truth is - perhaps an awful truth - that you might never have the same feelings (as deep, as intense, whatever) again, but it can still be wonderful...just in a different way. Our problem, if we have one, is that we're overly sentimental. Memories tend to intensify over time - and real life sometimes can't compete anymore. Forget it ALL, and live in the moment. Live in the moment, live in the moment, live in the moment. And, gradually, you should be able to let go. Or go insane, like me.
magichands Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 It's sad to know that I will never love innocently like that again. I'm hearing you on FM. I miss those days. But a few not-so-innocent orgasms can provide some compensation.
magichands Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 You will love again.. I promise Art is right. But he's lucky he didn't tell me that. I just hate it when people recite these platitudes to me. And I would be lubing up his arse to show him exactly how irresponsible it can be to say these things to vulnerable people. It does make us feel better to hear it from another human being, though. And that's important - even if we know, deep down, that life has no guarantees.
Author luvtoto Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 Wow. Thanks for all your replies. I am touched. Really. I don't feel so alienated when so many of you relate to my issue at hand. I can't help but feel like I am lowering the bar, when it comes to dating new men. Like, I am depriving myself of something. (Did I just say that out loud?? )
Author luvtoto Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 And another thing!! If I AM still in love with this guy after 4+ years. I must be blowing the past out of proportion. I have to be. He was passionate & damn good in bed, but hey...he was not that interesting to talk to..kids were brats...X-wife was still in love with him...he lied often...he wasn't much of a father figure to my kids...he didn't like change of any kind...he was extremely selfish...he wasn't that successful in life. GOD! Why am I wasting my life on him? I want him out...OUT of my head. NOW! But, dang, he had the touch. Chemistry between us just seeped out of our pores. Don't mind me...just venting here.
magichands Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 He was passionate & damn good in bed, but hey...he was not that interesting to talk to I get that a lot. It's sooo annoying.
alphamale Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 He was passionate & damn good in bed, but hey...he was not that interesting to talk to..kids were brats...X-wife was still in love with him...he lied often...he wasn't much of a father figure to my kids...he didn't like change of any kind...he was extremely selfish...he wasn't that successful in life. good sex and drama...what a combo. and they say women don't like the bad boys. ha ahahah ah hah ahaha ha!!!!!!!
Author luvtoto Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 I get that a lot. It's sooo annoying. I hate to say it MH. But, for the longest time I thought you were a female. But, now I get it...pink elephant trunk. Ohhhhh.....
Author luvtoto Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 good sex and drama...what a combo. and they say women don't like the bad boys. ha ahahah ah hah ahaha ha!!!!!!! It was love at first sight for me with my XF. I fell for him before the bad boy poked his ugly head out. We used to get along great in the beginning. We even got along great in the end. He just couldn't get over his X-wife. He was her puppet. Always has been, always will be. He was broken....kinda like me now. So, now he is living his life alone, waiting for her to come back to him. I am living my life in a similiar fashion. I always used to feel so sorry for him. Now, I feel sorry for myself.
D-Lish Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 It's been over four years since our breakup. I've been instructed by LS friends to get over him. Four years? You're scaring me... I don't want to think I would still love someone after four years and feel the same way I do now after 3 months.... What is it that keeps you from moving on? Four years is a really, really, long time! Seriously, have you tried a bit of therapy during this time? And I mean that sincerely, it might help put things into perspective for you a bit. It's freakin awful to lose the person you love, but it should get better, and easier, given a reasonable amount of time (reasonable varies of course from person to person)... but four years is unusual. I think you just have to figure out what it is that keeps you so stuck on this relationship. I'm in my 30's, and have fallen in and out of love numerous times... and each time hurts like crazy- but you lament and you cry and you eventually come to terms with the ending and move forward. Yeah, it's time to move forward after this amount of time, time to give someone else a chance. Think about therapy~ it does wonders! You have to allow yourself to open up to the possibility of falling in love again! D
Author luvtoto Posted November 11, 2006 Author Posted November 11, 2006 Four years? You're scaring me... I don't want to think I would still love someone after four years and feel the same way I do now after 3 months.... What is it that keeps you from moving on? Four years is a really, really, long time! Seriously, have you tried a bit of therapy during this time? And I mean that sincerely, it might help put things into perspective for you a bit. It's freakin awful to lose the person you love, but it should get better, and easier, given a reasonable amount of time (reasonable varies of course from person to person)... but four years is unusual. I think you just have to figure out what it is that keeps you so stuck on this relationship. I'm in my 30's, and have fallen in and out of love numerous times... and each time hurts like crazy- but you lament and you cry and you eventually come to terms with the ending and move forward. Yeah, it's time to move forward after this amount of time, time to give someone else a chance. Think about therapy~ it does wonders! You have to allow yourself to open up to the possibility of falling in love again! D This may sound weird but when I was single during those four years, I pretty much was over him. Didn't even think about him hardly. At least I thought. But, since I've started dating this last year, and meeting new men, that is what keeps me hanging on to my X. No one compares. Haven't met anyone yet that gives me butterflies, or turns me on with just one touch, or winks at me from across the room..I could go on and on. I just want a carbon copy of him.
magichands Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I just want a carbon copy of him. Probably the best compliment ever. Not a bigger penis, a sexier voice, dreamier eyes... Just as you are.
norajane Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I just want a carbon copy of him. Well, not really, right? but hey...he was not that interesting to talk to..kids were brats...X-wife was still in love with him...he lied often...he wasn't much of a father figure to my kids...he didn't like change of any kind...he was extremely selfish...he wasn't that successful in life. You want the butterflies, but so many other things about him weren't right.
alphamale Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 You want the butterflies, but so many other things about him weren't right. its generally the bad boys who know how to create "butterflies" in a woman...
norajane Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 its generally the bad boys who know how to create "butterflies" in a woman... I think they do it without even trying very hard - it's just by virtue of their being truly "unavailable" that draws women who are subconsciously attracted to unavailable men.
alphamale Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I think they do it without even trying very hard - it's just by virtue of their being truly "unavailable" that draws women who are subconsciously attracted to unavailable men. remember this famous line?? "Frankly my dear...I don't give a damn!"
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