Speedo Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I need to know if I should try NC in this instance. I've already posted details,so here's the scoop. I love this girl with everything I have. I broke up with her because for the past several months she changed completely. less calls, didn't really want to hang out, much lower sex drive, etc. She did this to the point where I couldn't handle it, while at the same time she said that she still loved me and didn't want to break up, "work was too hard at the moment, things to think about, etc." I told her, the ball is in "her court." That seemed to work a little, but not enough for me, so I stayed broken up. Several days later, I thought i had "proof" of her cheating. I called and left a horrible vm accusing her. I now think it wasn't true. The next day, I called in tears, apologizing, this really isn't like me. She said she loved me, but wasn't "in love" with me after that. So, that's pretty much it. We left at "take care." I emailed her last week about what she wanted to do to get her stuff that I have at my place back. She said sometime this week she'd swing by. She called Monday and said she'd swing by yesterday. She never called, and I didn't call her back. Still no contact. Here is where I'm confused. Is it appropriate for me to do NC? I've not had a chance to show her how much I love her, and to tell her the truth about how I feel. I don't know what she's thinking, but if I were to guess, she's still angry at me. Should I tell her how I feel just to get it off my chest and then go NC? Or should I keep doing NC now? Very confused, anybody..please help. I love this girl.
Pyro Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I need to know if I should try NC in this instance. I've already posted details,so here's the scoop. I love this girl with everything I have. I broke up with her because for the past several months she changed completely. less calls, didn't really want to hang out, much lower sex drive, etc. She did this to the point where I couldn't handle it, while at the same time she said that she still loved me and didn't want to break up, "work was too hard at the moment, things to think about, etc." I told her, the ball is in "her court." That seemed to work a little, but not enough for me, so I stayed broken up. Several days later, I thought i had "proof" of her cheating. I called and left a horrible vm accusing her. I now think it wasn't true. The next day, I called in tears, apologizing, this really isn't like me. She said she loved me, but wasn't "in love" with me after that. So, that's pretty much it. We left at "take care." I emailed her last week about what she wanted to do to get her stuff that I have at my place back. She said sometime this week she'd swing by. She called Monday and said she'd swing by yesterday. She never called, and I didn't call her back. Still no contact. Here is where I'm confused. Is it appropriate for me to do NC? I've not had a chance to show her how much I love her, and to tell her the truth about how I feel. I don't know what she's thinking, but if I were to guess, she's still angry at me. Should I tell her how I feel just to get it off my chest and then go NC? Or should I keep doing NC now? Very confused, anybody..please help. I love this girl. Unfortunately, I think that the relationship can not be fixed. She said that she wasn't in love with you anymore and you even said that her interest level has dropped dramatically. The only thing that is left is for you to get back on your feet. You have no reason to talk to her anymore. Concentrate on yourself and make yourself better.
Author Speedo Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 Thanks for the advice. You may be right. But I have this intuition that she still has feelings. I wish I knew more about what she thinks. Not to sound "in denial," but I have a hard time believing that she has no feelings of love for me anymore.
Pyro Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Thanks for the advice. You may be right. But I have this intuition that she still has feelings. I wish I knew more about what she thinks. Not to sound "in denial," but I have a hard time believing that she has no feelings of love for me anymore. We know that actions speak louder than words. So has she made any attempt to contact you? It seems like you are doing all the work here in trying to contact her. Its hard to accept things like this, but I think that its over.
Author Speedo Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 You're right, lately I have been making the attempts. But what spawned this is that she loved me too early. By the time I came around, I guess she stopped trying. I tried like hell just to see her, to show her what she's always wanted to see, which was me head over heals for her. She's been angry at me. I feel that I just need to let her cool down. I guess what I want to know is, do you think she's trying NC on me?
Pyro Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 You're right, lately I have been making the attempts. But what spawned this is that she loved me too early. By the time I came around, I guess she stopped trying. I tried like hell just to see her, to show her what she's always wanted to see, which was me head over heals for her. She's been angry at me. I feel that I just need to let her cool down. I guess what I want to know is, do you think she's trying NC on me? Thats a great possibility. You have done enough attempts. Now the ball is in her court. It is her turn to contact you, so let her do some work now, but if I were you, I wouldn't sit around and wait for her. You need to worry about yourself now.
Author Speedo Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 yeah, I don't plan on waiting around. It's just that in all my past relationships, even though it was hard, I knew that I didn't want to be in it. I had a reason to hold onto to get through it. This one, is different. Usually you have the "talk" where at least they know how you feel, and that you've tried. We never did that. It just "ended." No nothing. So does the NC still apply here?
Pyro Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 yeah, I don't plan on waiting around. It's just that in all my past relationships, even though it was hard, I knew that I didn't want to be in it. I had a reason to hold onto to get through it. This one, is different. Usually you have the "talk" where at least they know how you feel, and that you've tried. We never did that. It just "ended." No nothing. So does the NC still apply here? That decision is entirely up to you. Just don't get your hopes up on how she feels. Be prepared for any answer that she may give you.
Author Speedo Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 That decision is entirely up to you. Just don't get your hopes up on how she feels. Be prepared for any answer that she may give you. First, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond Riddle, it's real cool of you. a month ago if you were to tell me that I'd be on a site like this I would have laughed. But God Bless whoever started this site, because it's help the healing process go lightspeed. I haven't been able to eat or sleep for 2 weeks. But like you said, I think I am prepared for what she will say. And I think it will be the final "breakup" if I were to put money on it. It sounds like you are familiar with NC, and the situations to use it. So would you think that I need one final "talk" with her before it's said and done? I know its my decision, but from the non-emotional standpoint you have, what would you do?
Pyro Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 First, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond Riddle, it's real cool of you. a month ago if you were to tell me that I'd be on a site like this I would have laughed. But God Bless whoever started this site, because it's help the healing process go lightspeed. I haven't been able to eat or sleep for 2 weeks. But like you said, I think I am prepared for what she will say. And I think it will be the final "breakup" if I were to put money on it. It sounds like you are familiar with NC, and the situations to use it. So would you think that I need one final "talk" with her before it's said and done? I know its my decision, but from the non-emotional standpoint you have, what would you do? No problem dude. This place rocks. This place just doesn't have people with broken hearts. Alot of us are on here daily just joking it up and having a good time and to give advice of course. You should stay and check it out. Actually, I don't have any personal experience with NC. I was so inexperienced in terms of relationships in my first two relationships. But I did learn from each breakup and it made me just that much better. I learned quite a bit just by reading other peoples testimony here on LS. You should do some research on here. I think that it can really help you. In my opinion, from what you have wrote, it sounds like she is not interested in reconciling. She doesn't seem like she did not put as much effort into you two as she did. But if you think that this last attempt will make you feel better, then more power to you. Like I said, don't get your hopes up. Good luck.
Author Speedo Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 I appreciate the advice. I have been reading all through this site and thats how I learned about NC. It has empowered me. I guess that I'm not sure who is in the wrong here. I would feel better about it if I felt that I did nothing wrong, but I know I have. I couldn't help that I didn't fall in love as fast as she did. I don't know why she didn't embrace it when I did fall head over heals for her. she didn't communicate her feelings with me, and I feel like I didn't have a chance. I don't think it was fair to me. I appreciate the advice again Riddle. If anyone else here understands my situation and has experience with NC, I would appreciate your input greatly..
Pyro Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I appreciate the advice. I have been reading all through this site and thats how I learned about NC. It has empowered me. I guess that I'm not sure who is in the wrong here. I would feel better about it if I felt that I did nothing wrong, but I know I have. I couldn't help that I didn't fall in love as fast as she did. I don't know why she didn't embrace it when I did fall head over heals for her. she didn't communicate her feelings with me, and I feel like I didn't have a chance. I don't think it was fair to me. I appreciate the advice again Riddle. If anyone else here understands my situation and has experience with NC, I would appreciate your input greatly.. IMO, she was in the wrong for cheating, instead of just ending things with you. Take this relationship as a learning experience and it will make you a better person for future relationships.
Author Speedo Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 Don't know if she cheated. No evidence. Just a "gut feeling." If I knew she cheated then this would be a piece of cake. She would be dead to me, I would'nt speak to her for another 10 years. But since I don't know, right now I'm in the wrong for "accusing."
Recommended Posts