Romeo Must Die Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I took my child in to the clinic yesterday to have the doctor treat her for a tick bite, and as I was seated in the waiting room, xOW came in (walk-in flu shot - she saw my car outside) and then she sat directly across from me. There were at least twenty empty chairs there. WTF Bitch. She didn't say anything and I didn't even look at her. I just ignored her like she wasnt there, and then I got up and went to talk to someone on the other side of the room until she was called. When I was finished with the appointment, xOW was gone, but the xOW's adult daughter was sitting in the waiting room. I called my husband and he was there in time to pick us up and escort us out. It's gone beyond being a legal issue - now it's a moral issue. Pretty soon I'm just going to have to get tough and take matters in my own hands. If she was smart, she would stay as far away from me as possible.
Adunaphel Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Does she know that you are aware that she is your H's ex OW? If not, perhaps it's just a mix of curiosity and comparing herself to you. If yes, perhaps she sat so near to you hoping you'd confront her.
peacelove Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Most other women could care less about the wife.
PoshPrincess Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Does she know that you are aware that she is your H's ex OW? If not, perhaps it's just a mix of curiosity and comparing herself to you. If yes, perhaps she sat so near to you hoping you'd confront her. I expect she IS curious but seems to be going to extreme lengths to satisfy her curiosity. I would imagine that she hasn't accepted the A with your H is now over and she is having problems moving on. This sort of thing can drive many women insane (not that I am excusing her behaviour!) She appears to have serious bunny boiler tendencies. If she IS aware that you know she's your H's ex-OW then she's certainly taking a chance. She is obviously SO crazed about what has happened that she isn't thinking rationally and taking your feelings into consideration. How long ago did the A end? Has she done similar things before? I agree with Adunaphel - maybe you should confront her!
Author Romeo Must Die Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 This isnt the first time, she has been writing annonymous letters and doing all kinds of things before this latest event. This is the one who wrote on my deceased son's basketball court memorial that I'd never see my son again. Theres nothing she cant tell me that I dont already know about the affair. There is nothing I want to tell her about me and Romeo. If the roles were reversed, I would have sought to avoid her if I had known she would be there. I would go to another clinic. Thats my point, she knew I was there and she is seeking me out. Why she does it or what I can possibly do about it - I just don't know. She has her adult daughter and ex-criminal baby daddy watching me too. As far as I'm concerned, she has been messing with my life for too long. I wanted so badly to tell her to shove off, but up until now, I didnt want to give her the satisfaction.
Author Romeo Must Die Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 Also I would like to note I'm not saying anything (or thinking anything) about any OW here, I am specifically discussing Romeo's xOW. He came to the clinic and stayed by my side. Ironicly, she wont go near me when I am with Romeo, she steers clear of us. It's only when I am alone, caught off guard and I always have my (three) little kids with me and am at my most vulnerable.
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 She's messed up in the head, and her immature actions just show that she has no life and needs professional help. Or she's just plain cruel and enjoys bugging you and your family. All you can do is completely ignore her, if you react at all it will only feed her obsession.
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Though, with that being said, if she comes to your house or anything like that, call the police.
Spinderella Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Have you sought legal help with this? You say she avoids you when your H is there, which at least shows she has some control over her actions. I think this suggests that legal action would get some results. Perhaps you could warn her first, on the other hand if she wrote such an awful thing on your deceased sons memorial then she does not deserve any warning IMO.
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Is the OW married as well? If so, tell her husband!!! If not, another option is, let her family know (meaning parents) what she is doing, harrassing you etc.
PoshPrincess Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Is the OW married as well? If so, tell her husband!!! If not, another option is, let her family know (meaning parents) what she is doing, harrassing you etc. Totally second everything you have said, WWIU. As for what she did to your deceased son's memorial, that is just PURE EVIL!!! What sort of a person would do that? I am stunned. I agree with Spinderella - take some legal action. This woman has got to be stopped, especially for the sake of your kids. She is not right in the head and yes, she does need professional help!!!!
BenThereDunThat Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I agree with everyone on here. This chick is scary. Find out all your options so you're prepared next time she pulls stuff. I don't want to be an alarmist, but I'd be freaking out.
Author Romeo Must Die Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 Like I said, it's no longer a legal issue, it's a moral issue. I'm like NWA and F tha police. I could start a rumor that I am pregnant. I could be wearing a t-shirt that says baby with an arrow on it. It would wreck her. I could do alot of things to hurt her like that without even laying a finger on her. But you know thats where all resemblences between this BW/OW end. The differences between us because no matter what I felt she has done to me, I never did anything to her. I always confronted her f2f, even after D-Day I asked her why she was such a whore with my husband and she laughed, basicly saying things like "haha I slept with your old man last night, go ask him." and "Your old man is with me because you just lay there!" I was in my last trimester, of course I just lay there. Dummy. Look, I dont want any problems, but my magic 8 ball is telling me the outlook is not so good. < - Save the bunnies!
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I never did anything to her To you and I, and anyone else sane yes - You didn't do anything to her. But in her mind, you won. You stole "her" man that she feels should have been hers and she is feeling that loss which is making her act out and be all nutty. The more I think of it, you should find out more about her family and consider talking to them. Keep an ongoing diary of what she is doing/has done to you, with dates/times etc... Yeah, save the bunnies, lock your doors and kitchen cabinets so you don't find a boiling bunny in a pot!
Author Romeo Must Die Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 I mean she came in and sat down in the seat directly in front of me, given three rows of empty chairs. My daughter was seated at the play table at my side. I just went invisible and I moved to the other side of the room. Her daughter is also a player, as is her boyfriend Johnny. I have been telling Romeo she follows me sometimes and today he seen it and it was no longer a random coincidence anymore.
Mz. Pixie Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 You know, I don't understand this either. The part about your son's memorial- that's one of the sickest things I've ever heard. Insane even. I cannot imagine. :sick: Having been the OW once, I actually was embarrassed and very sorry after it all happened and I would never purposely show up where his wife was. She has forgiven us both and they are moving on with working on their marriage. I truly wish them well. In usual cases the man is lying to both the women. So, why want to torment the wife?? I don't get it.
NoIDidn't Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Is she a serial OW? Sounds like she is studying you. Trying to see what it was about you that made your H go back to someone he made her believe "just laid there". I'm sure she didn't make that up on her own. She crossed the line with your son's memorial though. If she was just following you around, observing you that's one thing. But she practically made a threat. At some point you might have to tell the police about your stalker to get an order so she can't be within a couple hundred feet of you knowingly. She has no excuse for her behaviour, but she is obviously a very lonely, and disturbed woman (as his her daughter for keeping an eye on you once she was gone). But whatever you do, DON'T confront her. That will only feed her to know that she is getting to you. Sorry this is happening to you.
Chapter2 Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Romeo, I completely understand that you aren't attacking OW as a broad group. Can the police intervene at all? I don't know how you've held up through this. I continue to be appauled at what was done to your son's tombstone and everything else this woman has done. I can't imagine any OW wanting to be anywhere near the BS or the MM once the choice has been made. I know for myself, I not only avoided them, I eventually moved to another state. My choice was out of respect for my xMM's choice to work on his marriage and for my need to have distance in order to heal. What she's doing isn't love for her xMM...its psychotic. I would report it to the police each and every time you feel threatened even if they tell you there is nothing they can do. At least there is a record of it somewhere. Also I would like to note I'm not saying anything (or thinking anything) about any OW here, I am specifically discussing Romeo's xOW. He came to the clinic and stayed by my side. Ironicly, she wont go near me when I am with Romeo, she steers clear of us. It's only when I am alone, caught off guard and I always have my (three) little kids with me and am at my most vulnerable.
Spinderella Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Well i do not understand your reluctance to involve the police here or to take whatever action will end this once and for all. Surely it is not about what you could do to hurt her, but what you could do to protect yourself and family.
Craig Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Ok here's what you do. 1. Have an attorney write a "chill" letter to her telling her that following you, showing up where you are, other forms of harassment and etc. are to cease immediately or you will take legal action. Her response may be to laugh it off or continue the harassment. 2. EVERY single time she shows up or harasses you in some way you call 911 and tell them that she is threatening you (maybe she's making slashing motions with her finger across her neck or hitting her fist into her hand while looking at you) and harassing you. The police will not do anything because the police are useless. But there will be a record of you making complaints about her to the police and this record of complaints is your only goal. 3. After you have made 5 or 6 complaints either have your attorney help you get a restraining order or call your local domestic violence center and they'll walk you through it for free. Initially you'll likely get a temporary restraining order (a TRO). The temporary part is to allow the OW to tell the court that she wasn't harassing/threatening you and get the TRO taken off her. With the record of police complaints and the chill letter the court is going to side with you though because there is no reason in the world why the OW should keep showing up where you are and obviously be harassing you. 4. Then when the OW violates the TRO or RO you call 911 explain the violation and they come and stick her in jail till she makes bail. 5. If she continues harassing you after being released on bail then call 911 again and maybe her bail will be revoked. Don't take this situation lightly. What an offender (the OW in this case) will do in situations like this is completely beyond a reasonable persons understanding.
Author Romeo Must Die Posted November 11, 2006 Author Posted November 11, 2006 Because I would have to proove that she is doing it, otherwise it is my word against hers. The victim has to build a case. Do you realize how frustrating that can be? What are the police going to do? She would just say she was a patient at the clinic. It was a public place. She didnt say anything threatening or cause any harm. I would look like an ass and the police report would be worthless to me. If I had ten of them, it would still be worthless. She didnt touch me or say a word to me. No witnesses seeing her doing that, she would have five nurses sign a letter she didnt do anything. She is just being ignorant and she will keep playing these ignorant games for as long as it takes. I think she was there sitting across from me for a reason, to challenge me, or to provoke me into arguing with her. I know who she is and I know what she is all about. She is a weak and hateful person. This is what she has to do to get Romeo back, by going after me. She already tried to get my kids taken away for spite, but I'm the only one that takes that seriously. OW is 43 and she has three children of her own. You think she would understand that is the worst thing you can do to someone, especially after they already lost their teenage son in a car accident. Their affair started a few months after he died. Besides the sleeping with my husband behind my back, I was pregnant. We were a young family. When my daughter was born, he was there but he was definately not "with" this family and we lost that baby bonding time, she's my last baby. I cant have any more children. And later, she would try to have this baby taken away from me after her D-Day. She was bitterly convinced that my husband never wanted children with me. Basicly, I couldnt write all the things she has taken from me. It's all I can do to put it behind me. I am really pissed off because there is no justice. It's a moral issue. For all I know she is following me to learn my itenerary and maybe next time she does this, there wont be bullets in and sugar in my gas tank. It will be worse. Geez, Imagine how she was when I didnt know she was watching, back in the affair. The part I have the biggest problem with is that I always have (if not one) but all of my three children with me at all times. She will just get bolder until she feels confident she can get away with everything, then what. She was able to turn my man against me, tried to get to me through my kids. She's got her daughter and Johnny to help her watch me. The police cant stop anything and she knows Romeo cant stop it either. Thats the whole joke, ha ha. He brought her in my life.
Craig Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Because I would have to proove that she is doing it, otherwise it is my word against hers. The victim has to build a case. Do you realize how frustrating that can be? What are the police going to do? She would just say she was a patient at the clinic. It was a public place. She didnt say anything threatening or cause any harm. I would look like an ass and the police report would be worthless to me. If I had ten of them, it would still be worthless. She didnt touch me or say a word to me. No witnesses seeing her doing that, she would have five nurses sign a letter she didnt do anything.Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down! One incident doesn't make your case. That is the whole point of what I wrote. Read it again slowly and see that you are building a case against her. The police aren't going to do anything but you can build a case for a restraining order against her AND depending upon the laws in your area you could build a case for criminal harassment as well. She didn't have to say anything threatening or cause any harm for you to fear for your safety. Her repeated behavior of showing up where you also happen to be is enough for the courts to consider her behavior premeditated, not a co-incidence and of a harassing nature. And especially so if she makes some non-verbal motions like slashing her neck with her finger while looking at you. Sometimes you have to be unreasonable when dealing with an unreasonable situation.
Spinderella Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Also what methods did she use to try to take your kids from you? How about the writing on your sons memorial? These are all things that can add to your case if you report them. Even if you have no proof yet, if she does try to take it further at least there will be records of your reports of her behaviour.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I agree with everyone here - you really need to start documenting all of this. Especially with the trying to take your kids away. I assume she went through something like DFS, knowing that they have to investigate all claims, false or otherwise. Courts don't take too kindly on people wasting manhours and resources. I'd even look into installing a security camera outside your house. The fact that she has the balls to not only follow you, but take it further and sit directly across from you in a small setting - she obviously is unstable. To say nothing of what she did to your son's memorial. Don't assume the police can't do anything. You're the victim here. She's a stalker. Think about it, these are just the things that you are aware of. Who knows what else she's doing that you don't even know of - yet.
Author Romeo Must Die Posted November 11, 2006 Author Posted November 11, 2006 I talked to the DA and the sheriff many times. There is no proof, no witnesses and therefore no crime to charge her with. I have a pile of papers, photographs of his defaced memorial and police reports with all letters she wrote all in a shoebox, it doesnt do any good. If it were up to me she would have been charged a long time ago. I sought two restraining orders, she turned it around and I looked like a damn fool in court. She has a legal right to write a fake complaint letter to human services, the DA contends nothing happened, there was nothing to validate her child abuse claim anyway. No harm, no foul. Likewise, No one saw her write the epitaph on the memorial. They made a police report and nothing more, so it happened again a week later. Things written on the tables about me. The police chiefs name. What a legal (and costly) farce this has become. I cannot stand her. She has no right to even come near me. I have nothing good to say about her. Enough is enough. WTF is her problem. If you want to help me, tell me what I should do as a person. Should I confront her? Fight her? Ignore her? Give her something to be mad about and start some **** about her. What do I do on my own, because thats how it is. I am on my own to deal with this. I dont like it but thats exactly how it is.
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