Speedo Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I'll try to keep this short as I can. My girl and I broke up about 2 weeks ago of about 1 year. When we started dating, She went after me full throttle. Told me she loved me within about 2 months into it. We partied alot, and had a blast. She truly showed me that she loved me in everything she did. I however am a little slower than she was about the "love" thing. I liked her a ton, maybe even love, but not "in love." I've been hurt before years ago, and built this wall around my emotions. Anyway, she recognized this, and apparently slowly started to drift, but never showed any signs of it. Anyway, We moved just far enough apart to where I realized that I wouldn't see her as often. I got a new job, and hers was working odd shifts at a plant where she would work either 1:00 p.m. to 11:00, or 4:00 a.m. to 2-3:00 in the afternoon. I play in a band most weekends, so it made it really difficult to see her. I noticed 2 things. 1, that I truly loved this girl, and 2, she was obviously distancing herself from me. Her phone calls were short and without any substance. She hung out with her friends a lot on the weekends. If I had a weekend off with the band, she wouldn't break her plans with her friends. When we did hang out, she never wanted to hook up, and was always "tired" from work. When I confronted her about it, she started dumping all this stuff on my lap. Little things that were easily fixable had she brought things up. She said that she is "emotionally spent" of me, and that she couldn't see herself giving in like she did for fear of "not surviving the hurt." Now, I never did anything to her, I always made her laugh, showed up, checked in. But she did sense that I hadn't given her my heart. The move showed me that I was totally in love with this girl, and I was holding back for fear of going through exactly what I'm going through. Anyway, I started getting suspicious. Where had she been? What had she been doing? I lost trust in her, because I had that "gut feeling" that something was wrong. I'm almost always right. I suspected cheating, but she insists that i had nothing to worry about. We started fighting everytime I asked her when we could hang out. She obviously never wanted to, but insisted that she didn't want to break up, and that she loved me. But, she said (more than once) that this was all she could give me, that she had built a wall around herself towards me. All I tried to do was to get a chance to show her how much I loved her. Finally, I didn't have a choice but to break up with her. She told me she couldn't give me anymore..which was litterally NOTHING..2 nights later during holloween, I played a show, got real drunk, and spoke to my friend. My friend met a guy that saw her at a party (of which I knew she was at.) When my friend told him that She had "just broken up," the guy looked at him in surprise..as if he was surprised that she had been dating someone. I'm still trying to track this guy down to get more details. Anyway, I did something stupid. Called her, and left her a horrible vm accusing her of cheating. When we spoke the next day I was in tears crying, telling her how awful I was, and how sorry I was. I'm not like that at all. She told me she loved me, but wasn't in love with me after that. We haven't really spoken since. She took a job within her own company and will be moving out of state. So whats my question? Not sure, All I know is that my heart is torn apart once again. I felt like a balloon filling up with emotions, only to be pinched off by her. I had no release. All I wanted to do was to unleash it on her and her life. She didn't give me a chance. Girls/guys, what do you see happened here? I still think there was foul play, not sure though. I can't believe that she has no love for me anymore. Right now, I plan to do the No Contact routine. Will this be a good idea now? We never had ANY closure, shoud l I do that first? Any advice would be greatly appreciated..
Author Speedo Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 I know this was a long one. If anyone had the patience to read through it, any advice? I appreciate it.
lolablue Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 She told you she loved you but was not in love with you and if that is the case, then you'll have to accept that and move on. If you want closure then you could always call her and just tell her you need to get something off your chest and tell her what you need to say so you can get that closure. She can do what she will with information. If she calls you then fine, if not then you can move on. You say you suspect she was cheating, you may never know (she probably won't admit it to you) so unless you have or can get some kind of proof there is no point in going there, she will probably just get defensive again and that will be the end of the conversation. take care.
Author Speedo Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 thanks Lolablue. I guess I should do NC for my own good, regardless of lack of closure, and lack of answers. Just forget it ever happened I supposed.
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