Guest Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Hi, I have posted on here a few times, but never seem to get the answers I am looking for. Does anyone ever get the answers they want? So, my story is like everyone else's but of course mine is different. I was a student in training at the place where this guy worked, I thought he was so great. Had a little crush on him, but he had a gf. So, sadly, I never tried to take it anywhere. We are both in our thirties by the way. So, a year and a half had passed and now, I was done with school and started to work where he was. I had kinda forgotten that he was there. But, we worked opposite shifts, so we would see each other during shift changes. We flirted again, and I found out that he was no longer with his gf. But, since we worked together I knew that they had a year and a half of fighting and breaking up and getting back together, ect. I was nervous about this since she too worked there, but different dept. So, after a while, he asked me out. Before we even went out, we spent HOURS on the phone. We knew a lot about each other. He assured me that since it had been 6 months, he was not going back to her, he said he never really loved her like that, that he was only with her til something better came along. He said he was tired of fighting with her and he would never get back with her. So, we started dating. In a few months, we were so in love. We told each other that we loved each other like no other, and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Our kids got along great and the magic between us, was amazing! Then, he started to act distant. I knew something was wrong, but he told me I was insecure, another red flag. This went on for a few weeks, me questioning what was wrong, him telling me I was crazy. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. He even asked me to move in with him and to have his baby. I asked him if he was interested in someone else, he denied it. Well, then he dumped me, via IM! I was shocked and called him on the phone where he told me he just couldn't be with me. Not really giving an answer. I was shocked since just a few days before he asked me to move in with him. I found out, later, that his ex, the one he said he would never go to came to him when he was acting funny and asked him to get back together. I don't know why, but he chose her. A couple weeks later, I went to his house to get some answers and he said that he did love me like no other, but that he thought love was blind. He said he needed to move on, and that he didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone, that he needed to figure out what made him happy. Well, he was with her the day after he dumped me, so he never got to figure out himself. Now, one month later they are going to get married this weekend. I texted him congratulating him he was mad and told me to leave him alone or he would put a restraining order on me. I was shocked at his anger. Why would he be mad at me? He dumped me, he hurt me. He said they were "madly in love with each other" and that is why they are getting married so quickly. He denied the rumors of her being pregnant. It seems odd to me, and I feel like he is angry with me because he knows he was wrong to me. I know that he told other people about her and how he was only with her because it was comfortable, and she would do. He claimed to love me like no other, but I think he was afraid of that. I think he took the easy, painfree path of the comfortable one. Do you think he really loves this girl? He didn't the last time they were together? And why rush a marriage? She has four kids and he has two. This time around, it's only been a month. And why is he angry with ME? Before he said he would love to be my friend since he thought I was an amazing person. Then he got angry. He said he loved everything about me, and had a difficult time giving me up. He said he was having a hard time dealing with it. Now, he is really angry. I passed him at work the other day and he didn't say anything, just looked at me all angry. Why? I didn't do anything.
Ssheena Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 True, you did not do anything. However, he has made his decision and there is nothing you can do about it. I don't know what kind of answers you are looking for but I don't think you are going to get them. Yes, he is a complete and total ahole for telling you stuff and then going back to his x. Yes, he probably knows he is an ahole for treating you like he has. Yes, he is angry and he is angry at you instead of at himself for having no balls/spine etc. However, the thing is - he wants you to leave him alone and no amount of questioning him and wanting to know how he could do this to you after saying all the stuff he did say to you and why are you angry with me, etc, etc..you aren't going to get anything from him. Be glad you are NOT with him. I am sorry that you have been badly hurt because I know if it were me, I would be and I would have the same questions as you have...but.. it's out of your hands. You can ONLY control the way you react to this. He is a jerk and you are better off without him. I give the marriage a year or two at the most and then he will probably try and get back together with you at which point I hope you laugh in his face. I hope this helps. I think you might be stuck right now in the "I can't believe it" stage of breakups.
Touche Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Hi, I have posted on here a few times, but never seem to get the answers I am looking for. Does anyone ever get the answers they want? Tell me the answer you want and I'll give it to you. Do you REALLY think most people come on here knowing the answers they want? Interesting.
Kamille Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 To answer one of your questions: yes i do often appreciate the anwsers I get here because they keep me grounded at times when my head is spinning. They remind me of the fact that I deserve someone who will treat me right. You ask if your ex really loves his wife to be: my LS answer you won't like: does it really matter? It's quite obvious from the way he has acted in the past and acts now that you are really better off without him. But wait I'm being unfair. I do understand you. You're wondering how anyone can walk away from the wonderful thing you two had... My guesses: Short answer: you're too good for him. He knows you're great but he also knows he's not. He's obviously emotionaly unstable. And also incapable of taking responsibility for his actions (he broke up by IM? he's threathening you?). And he would probably rather marry the ex because she might be emotionally unstable too. they can go on a jolly roller coaster ride together. Will the mariage last? doubtful. Is it the kind of relationship you would want? I doubt it too. Why is he mad at you? He cannot be the man you see in him, in fact, all his actions have betrayed the man you see in him. How could he possibly face you? Now the absolute answer you don't want to hear: Give him up. In time you'll be oh so glad you did. And don't worry, you'll find someone worth your while.
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