yousaveme Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I have no clue where else to put this thread so since i am a OW i thought about here... I need some advise in getting my point across without it becoming a two + hour battle. I am really upset with him for not thinking and i want to get my point across the first time around without him asking "what does that mean" , or " that isnt true". Or even him just saying " I'm sorry" but me knowing he doesnt grasp the concept of what im saying and just wants to appease me for the moment...
herenow Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 OMG, yousaveme, I thought you were yesmaybe for a second. I think we scared her. As far as getting your point across. I only know you from how you write, and I think you get your point across quite well. Why don't you write him a note?
Author yousaveme Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 OMG, yousaveme, I thought you were yesmaybe for a second. I think we scared her. As far as getting your point across. I only know you from how you write, and I think you get your point across quite well. Why don't you write him a note? LOL...You know i never got around to really reading that thread, and i havent seen it again either... I sent him an IM .... But im sure i will get the same answers " What does that mean"...I swear men should be given a manual when they enter a relationship....
herenow Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 LOL...You know i never got around to really reading that thread, and i havent seen it again either... I sent him an IM .... But im sure i will get the same answers " What does that mean"...I swear men should be given a manual when they enter a relationship.... I know, logic is not a strong point for men. They need the simple details explained so that they can get the big picture. Don't assume that he knows what you are referencing when you are trying to explain something. No detail is too small to reiterate when you really want a man to understand.
OceanBlue Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Small words. Short sentences. Make it personal...as in "I think", "I feel", I want", "I need"...If you use generalities, well, he just might not get it.
Adunaphel Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Keep sentences short and simple. Mention the fact (what he said/what he did/ what happened). Tell him how you felt about it and explain exactly why. Suggest alternative behaviour on his part. Try to see his point of view, too, and to any complaints he might have. Keep in track. Concentrate on the specific episode. Do not dig out past episodes and recriminate over them.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 "what does that mean" , or " that isnt true". " I'm sorry" Sometimes people say these things when they do get the point but don't want to hear it.
NoIDidn't Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I am really upset with him for not thinking and i want to get my point across the first time around without him asking "what does that mean" , or " that isnt true". Or even him just saying " I'm sorry" but me knowing he doesnt grasp the concept of what im saying and just wants to appease me for the moment... With the details that you gave, I really can't say what would help you get your point across without it turning into a battle beyond what you have already said. I can assume, though, that he probably did or said something that goes along with being in an affair and he really doesn't understand what the big deal is. If he was supposed to call you at a certain time and didn't because some family or W or work business came up and he didn't, then he probably expects you to understand that he has other things going on that you already knew would take priority (his view, I'm saying). What hasn't been said is about some boundaries. Sounds like you have been having this problem with him for some time with his being inconsiderate and not thinking. What about deciding what you will or won't accept from him and laying out some conswquences that you then follow through with to show him you mean business about getting some respect. Hate to tell you, but I don't think that there is anything that you can do to get your point across. He sounds like one that likes to be in control, and your getting a point across to him where he has to concede that control ain't gonna happen.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 I think you should do it in person...wait until a time when you know he's not busy or stressed and is able to really hear what you are saying...then give examples of whatever it is that will help you get your point across...
Author yousaveme Posted November 10, 2006 Author Posted November 10, 2006 Thanks for the advise, but it finally sunk in... At least until the next time he does something annoying
Recommended Posts