DanielMadr Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Would someone please tell me what is it about that 'Before we are agreed on exlusivity between each other we can date whoever we can'???? I know that most of girls and most of guys keep their options open. I agree with that but I assume when we sleep with each other and it is not only a ONS we already are exclusive until break up. It seems to me like some lame excuse for cheating. I would assume when I have feelings for someone I want to be "exclusive" with her from the beginning.
littlekitty Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Come and live in the UK...! We don't seem to 'date' the same way the US does. People here seem to pretty much focus on one person at a time, and the exclusivity talk is less heard of!
burning 4 revenge Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 We are a slutty, slutty country. Just look at the Statue of Liberty and tell me she doesn't look like a slut.
blind_otter Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Would someone please tell me what is it about that 'Before we are agreed on exlusivity between each other we can date whoever we can'???? I know that most of girls and most of guys keep their options open. I agree with that but I assume when we sleep with each other and it is not only a ONS we already are exclusive until break up. It seems to me like some lame excuse for cheating. I would assume when I have feelings for someone I want to be "exclusive" with her from the beginning. Welcome to the modern sexual relationship, which is not always based on trust and commitment. Lots of people have sex for fun and sport, not just to spiritually unify with someone. Or whatever it is that people add to the physical act of sex to make it more special in their heads. It's never a good idea to assume anything, especially when it comes to relationships. I don't see the big deal when it comes to having a conversation about exclusivity. Personally I think that -- if you can't have the conversation, you're not READY to be exclusive with anyone. Because a real relationship takes a lot of exhaustively open communication. And that first communication about being exclusive is the beginning. You can hang with someone for months and never open up emotionally. I've done it. Once I was in a relationship for an entire year and never opened myself up emotionally. We never did have that exclusivity talk. The whole relationship was infantile at best.
blind_otter Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 We are a slutty, slutty country. Just look at the Statue of Liberty and tell me she doesn't look like a slut. Ah, I missed you, b4r. I think that all women should bare a single breast. That way men would know what they're getting into and we wouldn't have to mess with all this bra crapoooooola.
Stunner Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I understand, I feel the same way. I had only met a couple of other gentlemen for a cup of coffee before I went out with my current boyfriend. After our first date I knew that I wanted to see where this was going to go. The next day I went home, pulled my information off the dating website I belonged to, so did he and let go the other two men who I'd had coffee with. The next date we had the talk about how we both feel that we should focus on one person at a time to see where it leads. Thankfully, we are both of the same mind on this one. I was never the type to date more than one guy at a time. Much to my Mother's dismay....
dgiirl Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Welcome to the modern sexual relationship, which is not always based on trust and commitment. Lots of people have sex for fun and sport, not just to spiritually unify with someone. Or whatever it is that people add to the physical act of sex to make it more special in their heads. It's never a good idea to assume anything, especially when it comes to relationships. I don't see the big deal when it comes to having a conversation about exclusivity. Personally I think that -- if you can't have the conversation, you're not READY to be exclusive with anyone. Because a real relationship takes a lot of exhaustively open communication. And that first communication about being exclusive is the beginning. You can hang with someone for months and never open up emotionally. I've done it. Once I was in a relationship for an entire year and never opened myself up emotionally. We never did have that exclusivity talk. The whole relationship was infantile at best. BO, you said everything i was about to write Plus, if you are going to sleep with someone, and it's someone you want to be exclusive with, then I think you should TALK about your relationship before you just jump into bed. What's so hard about asking where you guys stand? I think that all women should bare a single breast. That way men would know what they're getting into and we wouldn't have to mess with all this bra crapoooooola. lol come here... women are allowed to walk around topless. I've yet to see it with my own eyes, but apparently we are.
MadDog Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I agree with that but I [/b]assume when we sleep with each other and it is not only a ONS we already are exclusive until break up. Remember what happens when you assume: you make an ASS out of U and ME. When it comes to relationships, you can't assume anything until you have a conversation with that person. For example, a girl was recently all over me and she grabbed me and made out with me. You'd think it would be safe to assume she's single, right? Nope. She was engaged. Don't ever assume. MD
blind_otter Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 BO, you said everything i was about to write And you still love me? I you. lol come here... women are allowed to walk around topless. I've yet to see it with my own eyes, but apparently we are. Down herr in the swamp, it's actually illegal to breastfeed in public and women have gone to jail. No joke. These southern baptists are insane. It's just a boob, people. Just a boob.
Author DanielMadr Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 It's never a good idea to assume anything, especially when it comes to relationships. I don't see the big deal when it comes to having a conversation about exclusivity. Personally I think that -- if you can't have the conversation, you're not READY to be exclusive with anyone. Because a real relationship takes a lot of exhaustively open communication. And that first communication about being exclusive is the beginning. You can hang with someone for months and never open up emotionally. I've done it. Once I was in a relationship for an entire year and never opened myself up emotionally. We never did have that exclusivity talk. The whole relationship was infantile at best. Im not a big fan of conversations and I dont think I have to assure anyone of my honesty. Only liars need to speak often. I know what you mean but I wouldnt date anyone for months if I didnt trust her. Maybe Im gifted in identifying characters or Im just picky but I wouldnt go to relationship with someone that is cold or untrustworthy. Dating is numbers game I agree on that but when I seal the deal (have sex) then the "game" is over. Im not omnipotent psychopath to be in love with more then one girl in a time. If I sleep with girl and she then sleep with some other guy I dump her. She is not loyal and has no integrity or she simply does not love me so much. Why to wait for exclusivity?
blind_otter Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Im not a big fan of conversations and I dont think I have to assure anyone of my honesty. Only liars need to speak often. Defensive, much? You're not ready for a committed relationship. I know what you mean but I wouldnt date anyone for months if I didnt trust her. Maybe Im gifted in identifying characters or Im just picky but I wouldnt go to relationship with someone that is cold or untrustworthy. Some people aren't out for marriage with every relationship. Often in youth, relationships are just practice for their real LTR that happens once their frontal lobe finishes maturing around age 27. Dating is numbers game I agree on that but when I seal the deal (have sex) then the "game" is over. Im not omnipotent psychopath to be in love with more then one girl in a time. You missed the point that - mostly with these sexual forrays, there is no love involved. And not everyone is like you. Apparently the majority don't share your belief that intercourse automatically equals commitment. If I sleep with girl and she then sleep with some other guy I dump her. She is not loyal and has no integrity or she simply does not love me so much. Why to wait for exclusivity? I mean, you can completely hide your personality for 3-6 months, depending on the amount of face-time you get. This is a fact. I've experienced this myself.
MadDog Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Dating is numbers game I agree on that but when I seal the deal (have sex) then the "game" is over. Im not omnipotent psychopath to be in love with more then one girl in a time. If I sleep with girl and she then sleep with some other guy I dump her. She is not loyal and has no integrity or she simply does not love me so much. Why to wait for exclusivity? 1. About sealing the deal, those are your standards but you can't expect everyone to have the same standards as you. 2. Just because a girl sleeps with you doesn't mean she loves you. It just means she's into you or at the least she's into your social status, money, etc. MD
Stunner Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Wow....conversations are important. Since there is no dating 'crystal ball' so we can peer into it and be able to judge right away if someone is honest, that is. If I were with someone who felt they didn't have to assure me of thier honesty I would run. I don't just hand out trust like candy...it has to be earned. Not by stupid, hollow promises but by ability to communicate and then by deed. Good luck with that one. Personally, I'm not so smitten with myself that I don't feel that I'm above showing my qualities. But, that's just me.
rina_r Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 People here seem to pretty much focus on one person at a time, and the exclusivity talk is less heard of! I am the same way though in USA. I have never heard of any "exclusivity" crap until I started visiting forums.
blind_otter Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 WTF is so hard about having a stupid conversation?
Author DanielMadr Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 Remember what happens when you assume: you make an ASS out of U and ME. When it comes to relationships, you can't assume anything until you have a conversation with that person. For example, a girl was recently all over me and she grabbed me and made out with me. You'd think it would be safe to assume she's single, right? Nope. She was engaged. Don't ever assume. MD Nice one...I didnt know that 'assume' thing lol. Tell me about it. Im frequently approached by someone elses girlfriends or even spouses who seek revenge or just quality fun. It would be okay but they have no intention on leaving their providers....they are just too lazy and spoiled. I thought their boyfriends would be mad at me when their SO flirt with me but they are so afraid they dont even raise a voice or they act all macho from distance and of course dont dump her after all. Makes me In his place I would pack her things and send her to her mommy. I assume....when my assumptions are not met....I walk away. They are old enough to know what personal integrity, loyalty and flexibility is. When you have to make conversations about it, its too late.....Im not their father.
tinktronik Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Nice one...I didnt know that 'assume' thing lol. Tell me about it. Im frequently approached by someone elses girlfriends or even spouses who seek revenge or just quality fun. It would be okay but they have no intention on leaving their providers....they are just too lazy and spoiled. I thought their boyfriends would be mad at me when their SO flirt with me but they are so afraid they dont even raise a voice or they act all macho from distance and of course dont dump her after all. Makes me In his place I would pack her things and send her to her mommy. I assume....when my assumptions are not met....I walk away. They are old enough to know what personal integrity, loyalty and flexibility is. When you have to make conversations about it, its too late.....Im not their father. Nope your not their father .Thank god .But you are very immature to assume in a relationship that you could send anyone anywhere especially to their mommy . and as to having your assumations not met, if you can't even come up with the balls to voice your assumations you are setting yourself up to have them not met. So maybe you should man-up and ask for what you want instead of snivveling and complaining that "these naughty girls can't ready my mind".Ohh Boo Hoo
Author DanielMadr Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 1. About sealing the deal, those are your standards but you can't expect everyone to have the same standards as you. 2. Just because a girl sleeps with you doesn't mean she loves you. It just means she's into you or at the least she's into your social status, money, etc. MD 1. I dont expect that but I dont thing some 'exclusivity talk' is some kind of standard. 'Honey I was screwing around lately but I think I trust you now hence I want to be exclusive'. 2. If she doesnt love me why to wait for exclusivity? It was only a flirt or we are seeing each other. If she is in to my social status or money only Im certainly not into her....its a good policy
Author DanielMadr Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 Nope your not their father .Thank god .But you are very immature to assume in a relationship that you could send anyone anywhere especially to their mommy . and as to having your assumations not met, if you can't even come up with the balls to voice your assumations you are setting yourself up to have them not met. So maybe you should man-up and ask for what you want instead of snivveling and complaining that "these naughty girls can't ready my mind".Ohh Boo Hoo Dear mature Darth Vader, Girlfriend openly flirting with other man before my eyes is disrespectful and she is going home to her mommy. No slaps, no dramas just bye, bye. Because I have balls (last time I checked) I dont have to make or take promises.'Oh darling will you be so kind and dont sleep with other man from this day on?...please' You can use other words but meaning will stay the same....you are insecure wimp. I dont have to man-up and ask for loyalty....she should know what is right and I can tell if she loves me. The same I cant ask her not to steal, lie, cheat.... If I did she would be touched.
dgiirl Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Im not a big fan of conversations and I dont think I have to assure anyone of my honesty. Only liars need to speak often. Ok, so then when she does something you do not like, are you going to talk to her and tell her? Or are you just going to dump her because she should be able to read your mind? (Un?)fortunately, everyone has different beliefs in what sex means. Some believe you shouldnt have sex until marriage, others believe sex is just a sport, and many others lie somewhere in between. Unless you talk to her about her beliefs then you dont know what they are. Same for her to you. You can keep walk around in the dark or have the courage to ask her where you guys stand. The only reason I can think of someone NOT asking would be because they dont want to feel vulnerable and risk the chance of being rejected. If you cannot risk being vulnerable with someone, you should not be in a commited relationship. Because there will be other situations where you'll need to open up in order to save a relationship. It starts with the exclusivity talk. Then it leads to questions about sexual interests and fantasies. Talk about family and kids and money and debts and everything. And in order to have a successful _marriage_ (which is usually the eventual goal for committed relationships), you need to be able to talk about your feelings. If you dont believe me, read up on the "Walk-away wife syndrome". Althought it happens to both male and females, it will show you a glimpse of what could be in your future if you are not willing to communicate and just assume.
a4a Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Come and live in the UK...! We don't seem to 'date' the same way the US does. People here seem to pretty much focus on one person at a time, and the exclusivity talk is less heard of! See here in the land of the free and of oppurtunity I think unless it is said or a ring goes on a finger anything goes. Hell I don't know I used to keep multiple mounts in my stable at certain times when just one was not worth really soley focusing on.
Touche Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I don't know. I'm with Daniel on this one. Personally, I've NEVER had that "talk." I mean by the time I felt ready to sleep with a man, it was a given that we were exclusive. So I see where he's coming from.
tinktronik Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Dear mature Darth Vader, Girlfriend openly flirting with other man before my eyes is disrespectful and she is going home to her mommy. No slaps, no dramas just bye, bye. Because I have balls (last time I checked) I dont have to make or take promises.'Oh darling will you be so kind and dont sleep with other man from this day on?...please' You can use other words but meaning will stay the same....you are insecure wimp. I dont have to man-up and ask for loyalty....she should know what is right and I can tell if she loves me. The same I cant ask her not to steal, lie, cheat.... If I did she would be touched. apparently, you DO have to ask for loyalty ; or else it would be no issue and you would not have posted this thread .Don't expect loyalty from some girl you have the ability to "send home to Mommy" , and don't expect others to mind read.
sadfish Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Come and live in the UK...! We don't seem to 'date' the same way the US does. People here seem to pretty much focus on one person at a time, and the exclusivity talk is less heard of! Man, another reason why i should move there! I don't know what it is about the NY/NJ area, but what comes so easily is seems for most people here (exclusivity) i am having the hardest time finding. Maybe because i'm from the midwest originally my standards are higher? *sigh* I wish i knew--i can barely get anyone to commit to a second date here, let alone exclusivity... i need to move
blind_otter Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Man, another reason why i should move there! I don't know what it is about the NY/NJ area, but what comes so easily is seems for most people here (exclusivity) i am having the hardest time finding. Maybe because i'm from the midwest originally my standards are higher? *sigh* I wish i knew--i can barely get anyone to commit to a second date here, let alone exclusivity... i need to move I dunno bout all that. Wherever you go, there you are, sadfish. Moving somewhere else wouldn't sole the dilemma within yourself. It's possible to find loving commitment anywhere. IMO it's how you feel about yourself that governs whether or not you find what you're looking for. After all, the only person we can control is ourselves. To seek the ability to control outcomes of situations is unrealistic.
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