Confuggled_one Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Hey Guys, My ex has returned. A lot of you told me to keep my distance, which I have. We have not got close to the intimate level we were on before. Though she still tries to kiss me. I have been uncertain with my choice.. but tonight I cracked so bad. I got kind of frustrated with her and her games. I have asked if she wanted to be with me last night and she gave me an uncertain answer. sometimes it was yes, sometimes it was a maybe, sometimes it was a no. I thought to myself that I have had it with her games.. and i just agreed with everything she said. She always tells me one point or another at a day at time (usually at night) that we wont work out. We cant ever be together, she doesnt see me and her together becuase of our different personalities, etc. I usually told her that that was not true, as long as we work hard together, things could work. But tonight i got so mad at her i just cracked and said "you konw what? i think you were right. I was too blind to see all of this stuff" and whenever she said to me "maybe it just isnt the right time!" I would say "No, i think we're just not meant to be". Do you guys think this was too harsh for her? I think this was good for me to say this time because it seems like IM in control. I was telling it to her face that things might not work. And it made me feel GREAT. I am not trying to be an *******, but everytime i get hopeful she shoots me down. So this time i took the reins over and played this game on her. Now my question is: What do you guys think she will do? Continue to play her evil game on me? Will she snap out of it? She says she loves me a lot (and i know a lot of people disagree with this and stuff). But some how i feel as if it is sincere. I know it's a blessing for someone horrible to walk out of your life. what i said to her i kinda meant too. But what do you think is the likiness of us getting back together? Let me know your thoughts/opinions. thank you
InvisibleTouch Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Unfortunatley for you you are at the start of a very difficult and painful journey. What makes it worse for you is that there is only one exit in a maze of deadends. By the way, the maze of deadends are all signposted by her. In other words dont listen to anything she tells you otherwise you will never find a way out of this situation. Listen instead to your head which is screaming at you to get as far away as possible asap and apply NC! Of course if you lack the self respect and strength needed to leave then take the soft option and be her lapdog forever listening to her insane ramblings What you describe is not healthy. It is not love. Good luck!
ralph124c Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I agree completely with InvisibleTouch. Just one thing to add: yeah, maybe she does love you and maybe you love her. But that's not actually helping the situation. Love is not always healthy or right, and it doesn't conquer all. I know my ex loves me, and I know it's that very love that made her treat me like sh*t over and over -- it made her feel vulnerable and insecure, which pissed her off deep, deep down. And she loved how I made her feel, what I did for her etc. but had no empathy at all so it was a totally selfish love. And I know I love (loved?) her, but partly in the way a parent loves a child. Neither of those forms of love are healthy in a relationship. What I'm saying is, even if she does love you, maybe it's not the kind of love you want or need, or equal to what you feel love to be.
Kamille Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I agree completely with InvisibleTouch. Just one thing to add: yeah, maybe she does love you and maybe you love her. But that's not actually helping the situation. Love is not always healthy or right, and it doesn't conquer all. I know my ex loves me, and I know it's that very love that made her treat me like sh*t over and over -- it made her feel vulnerable and insecure, which pissed her off deep, deep down. And she loved how I made her feel, what I did for her etc. but had no empathy at all so it was a totally selfish love. And I know I love (loved?) her, but partly in the way a parent loves a child. Neither of those forms of love are healthy in a relationship. What I'm saying is, even if she does love you, maybe it's not the kind of love you want or need, or equal to what you feel love to be. I also completely agree with Ralph and Invisible Touch. And I am glad that you felt good when you told her you agreed with her that things would not work out. Confuggled, it sounds like she's really confused about herself and what she wants. In previous posts she also came off as being insecure. And no matter how much you try to be there for her, as long as she doesn't do the work herself, she will always be insecure and unsure of your relationship. It sounds like she's stuck in a maze of her own doing and she's dragging you along with her. So i think she will probably continue to contact you because somehow she wants you to fix her. And yet she knows you can't. (Because no one can but her). The likeliness of you two getting back together in a healthy sane relationship? Not anytime soon Confuggled. Somewhere down the line, like in 4 year? who knows, but by then it won't matter anymore. So please be patient with yourself and with life. k
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