whatwentwrong19 Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I'm currently thinking whether or not I should go back to my abusive now ex g/f. Just a week ago I received an apologetic letter from her. This by the way is the first time she ever say she was sorry and that it will be different. I have already tried and advice room and no luck at all, the people were so bias, all I got was laughing and name callings, stupid people that all they care about is hearing women stories, but what about me, I didn't ask to be treated poorly. Geez what the hell is so funny about getting abused. Instead of feeling better I'm in tears right now.
JadeStar Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 What does your gut instinct tell you, you should do? Don't lead with your heart right now, but more with your head. Have you ever looked up or read about abusers and how they act or can act? I'm not saying shes not sincere in her apology to you, but I would tread on this with caution. Even if you decide to get back with her, shes going to really have to prove to you shes changed. I would take things slow right now. Also do a search on abusive realtionships it might give you a little better insight on things. In my opinon, abuse is not acceptable in any relationship, and there are different forms of abuse. But this has to be your call. Jade
norajane Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 It's very common for abusers to apologize and promise it will never happen again and be all sweet...but it doesn't last. Abusers have serious issues, and they don't just stop being abusers. If you go back to her, you will be abused again unless she's getting therapy and/or medication. I would say don't do it. Find another to love who is not abusive to you.
alphamale Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I'm currently thinking whether or not I should go back to my abusive now ex g/f. sure, go back to her but this time turn the tables and abuse her...
Guest Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Abusers can easily catagorized as the 'downfalll of security''. Don't know why but it makes sense to me. Especially when the same ol' song and dance continue in your r/s. Its sad because i felt eventually your actions would speak louder than words. In this case, its both. To reciprocate would only cause more harm, when one gets the dead end of hurt and take weeks if not months to heal, I beg to differ. I grew up in an environment, where my mother took no sh*t from no man. If necessary would put chains, YES chains in her purse, if his back was turned, WHAM! He got it in the head then she would proceed to due her duty. Needless to say, if she needed a gu* to break free, or IN, the procedure caused a lot of ruckus. Before long, she had a long list of cause and effect that NO man would mess with her. Imagine seeing this daily if one form or another when I was just a child, along for the ride. Of course there were times when she would be outnumbered and alas end up in jail. She had no fear of men, but her with her background to defy what she believed in. Also she was a single mother with many children. As time went on she got involved in representing others for the sake of ...ect. Usually protective child services, or law representation. Which by the way received an honorary degree from Harvard. Her background was substantial, that she vehemently researched and protected herself in the law world and as time went on became much of an idol from others around the globe. She did not seek this, the outreach she received enriched my eyeview of what violence or wrongdoing can do to one. She did teach me many things, and my eye view promised a heartfelt respect of how big a little one can do. There is only fear to fear itself. IF see or continue to feel anything remotely use to abuse or a constant belittling hurting another; a bad boy just hidden factor to a bigger insecurity. Eventually it will leave bitter resentment and we either get the help or find another means to adjust; we basically move on. We can only prove what is or what wasn't to ourselves. Neither the child anymore I must resolve these issues within, try as I might, for WHATEVER reason, be they right or wrong, but in my case, if I had deliberately done wrong to another, which I can't fathom as my upbringing explains. Yet, I do not have that fear, but a deep sadness for others whom feel they are just in what they do. The hitting or bad boy brown bully synopsis. To remain in a situation that continues in this form spirals down or will get out of control. It is a no win situation, the communication breakdown is there and feeds upon itself. Sad but true. Vindictivenes or hate begin to grow upon which once was something special or likely could of been. Right or wrong. But if its bad, then it hurts. We all seek the truth in matters of the heart, and in our minds the truth cannot betray what we feel.
Author whatwentwrong19 Posted November 12, 2006 Author Posted November 12, 2006 sure, go back to her but this time turn the tables and abuse her... Honestly I'm disgusted at the idea of abusing another living soul, I can't never imagine myself doing it. So wherever you gotthis idea of hurting another person (esp. a woman), it's wrong, no excuse for it. As the update goes, no I'm not going back to her (sadly I'm in love ). The only good news is I'm out of the abusive relationship but sadly I almost felt for her smooth talk. I got enough information from an ex of her as well as the ex's mother. Interesting is in the beginning of our relationship (in our 1st year when everything was fine), she would tell me how this ex was manipulative and would not let her see her family relatives, would be verbal and went physical on her once. This was all been lie, in fact it was her doing the abuse. It was basically the same with her ex, she would only apologize after he would break up with her and then once he got back, then she revert to her ways again. It was in their last occassion when he filed a restraining order against her after he was trying to take away a knive away from her, in which he got cuts in his hands and arms as a result. So right now I'm all in shock, what kind of person was a dating and why do I still feel emotions for her, it makes no sense. I think I'm more shock at the fact that she pretended to be the victim, the whole story about how bad her ex was, it was all a lie. I have got to get over her.
alphamale Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 So right now I'm all in shock, what kind of person was a dating and why do I still feel emotions for her, it makes no sense. I think I'm more shock at the fact that she pretended to be the victim, the whole story about how bad her ex was, it was all a lie. I have got to get over her. you better chill from the dating scene WWW19 for a good year or so and get your head together.
Pyro Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 I'm currently thinking whether or not I should go back to my abusive now ex g/f. Just a week ago I received an apologetic letter from her. This by the way is the first time she ever say she was sorry and that it will be different. I have already tried and advice room and no luck at all, the people were so bias, all I got was laughing and name callings, stupid people that all they care about is hearing women stories, but what about me, I didn't ask to be treated poorly. Geez what the hell is so funny about getting abused. Instead of feeling better I'm in tears right now. Thats a tough decision. Its hard to be able to trust an abuser. If you are really intent on trying to give the relationship another chance, I say go for it, but be sure to take things slow. Once someone becomes an abuser, it is really difficult for them to change their behavior.
avellana Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 did she ask you to get back together, or do you want to now that she has apologized? maybe she's just relieving her guilt by writing the letter. you didn't mention how she is abusive. i speak from experience. you should try to understand why you would go back with someone who has these issues and why you attracted this person to begin with. this will help you in future relationships. chances are, w/o counseling your ex has not resolved her personality issues. personally, i would say 'thanks for the letter, good luck'. just beware that abusive people can have a huge impact your self esteem & your well being in general. is it really worth it?
norajane Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 Honestly I'm disgusted at the idea of abusing another living soul, I can't never imagine myself doing it. So wherever you gotthis idea of hurting another person (esp. a woman), it's wrong, no excuse for it. As the update goes, no I'm not going back to her (sadly I'm in love ). The only good news is I'm out of the abusive relationship but sadly I almost felt for her smooth talk. I got enough information from an ex of her as well as the ex's mother. Interesting is in the beginning of our relationship (in our 1st year when everything was fine), she would tell me how this ex was manipulative and would not let her see her family relatives, would be verbal and went physical on her once. This was all been lie, in fact it was her doing the abuse. It was basically the same with her ex, she would only apologize after he would break up with her and then once he got back, then she revert to her ways again. It was in their last occassion when he filed a restraining order against her after he was trying to take away a knive away from her, in which he got cuts in his hands and arms as a result. So right now I'm all in shock, what kind of person was a dating and why do I still feel emotions for her, it makes no sense. I think I'm more shock at the fact that she pretended to be the victim, the whole story about how bad her ex was, it was all a lie. I have got to get over her. Are you in therpay yourself to help you deal with being the victim of abuse? Can't hurt, might help. It might also help to do some research on abusers - it will help you understand why you're feeling the way you do.
Guest Ray Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Why to woman who have some real bad expierences in abusive relationships being physical or mental still seek out these relationships?
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