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Posted

well, realised i am a bit clingy i guess(and the gf told me) what are things to overcome this, i dont want the relationship to end, but if it does im not too worried about it.

 

the one thing is we havnt seen alot of each other lately, so naturally, ill give her a ring to see if she is available once in a while and to see how life is going(every 2nd day or so, but sometimes she doesnt answer so i will give a ring later on in the day to see whats up). talking on the computer, msn, i have to start the conversations lately or nothing is said, should i just avoid talking to her on there until she feels like it or what? She is going through her own set of problems right now, so she is really stressed out as is. should i just avoid calling her totally, and let her come to me when she is done dealing with her own problems?(my only reason for calling is im not sure if shes gonna call me, shes not even calling back her family or friends lately, and i dont want this to drift too far apart or im gonna have to end it, and i hate the waiting game.) i dont really feel i am being too clingy(yeah i was at one point but i got over it)anymore, but dont want to mess this up.

 

she has been acting wierd with the added stress she is going through right now, which i understand, and she hates dealing with people when she is stressed out. she isnt even barely talking to her friends, so im not taking the not talking to me thing too personally.

 

 

 

what are your opinions or thoughts on what i can or should do better/different?

 

thanks and appreciate the help

Posted
well, realised i am a bit clingy i guess(and the gf told me) what are things to overcome this, i dont want the relationship to end, but if it does im not too worried about it.

 

the one thing is we havnt seen alot of each other lately, so naturally, ill give her a ring to see if she is available once in a while and to see how life is going(every 2nd day or so, but sometimes she doesnt answer so i will give a ring later on in the day to see whats up). talking on the computer, msn, i have to start the conversations lately or nothing is said, should i just avoid talking to her on there until she feels like it or what? She is going through her own set of problems right now, so she is really stressed out as is. should i just avoid calling her totally, and let her come to me when she is done dealing with her own problems?(my only reason for calling is im not sure if shes gonna call me, shes not even calling back her family or friends lately, and i dont want this to drift too far apart or im gonna have to end it, and i hate the waiting game.) i dont really feel i am being too clingy(yeah i was at one point but i got over it)anymore, but dont want to mess this up.

 

she has been acting wierd with the added stress she is going through right now, which i understand, and she hates dealing with people when she is stressed out. she isnt even barely talking to her friends, so im not taking the not talking to me thing too personally.

 

 

 

what are your opinions or thoughts on what i can or should do better/different?

 

thanks and appreciate the help

 

I would start to find another woman. If you are the only one who is calling...BAD. I would call her once to let her know, if she needs help to call you. If she told you, that you are clingy...too bad. Do you think calling her every second day will make thinks better. If she is into zou she will be thinking about you more when you are not calling. Lets silence speak. She treats you like ****....why you come for more?

 

Find a girl who will respect you, love you a and will ask you for help to relieve her stress;)

Posted

I think when both sides are in love, there is nothing bad about being "clingy". I like guys who are that way.

Posted
I think when both sides are in love, there is nothing bad about being "clingy". I like guys who are that way.

 

First they have to be in love....He is....She is not because he is clingy ;)

 

If a guy wants a girl to feel attraction towards him, he has to appear not too interested. The prettier the girl is the more distant/cold he must appear. Any sign of serious interest is viewed as lost of control - wussy behaviour. It is the fact. Reason might be that you cant respect/love anyone loosing his mind/control because of you.

Posted

I had this same situation, but what was different is she would actually tell me to stay then do a complete 180 and tell me she needs space im too clingy ect. I'd say leave her be, don't call her don't do anything. She will miss you because of this and she will call you when shes ready.

Posted
If a guy wants a girl to feel attraction towards him, he has to appear not too interested. The prettier the girl is the more distant/cold he must appear.

 

A bunch of bull.

Posted

If a guy wants a girl to feel attraction towards him, he has to appear not too interested. The prettier the girl is the more distant/cold he must appear.

 

By your false logic, I haven't paid any bit of attention to Jessica Alba so therefore her panties must get soaked daily thinking about me because I act like I don't give a damn. If only it were that simple.

 

You need to show interest. You have to show some interest, but you also have to appear to have a bunch of other options. You're right in that you can't be calling a girl all the time telling her she's the best thing since sliced bread. Then she subconsciously starts to think she's too good for the you. The key is, she has to feel like she was lucky to land you as opposed to she let a guy get lucky by landing her. Everyone's always trying to get the best person possible as far as looks, social status, money, etc.

 

At the same time, simply acting distant/cold to a girl will get you nowhere. Try going to a bar and simply ignoring every girl that walks buy. I guarantee you you will get nowhere fast.

 

MD

Posted

 

At the same time, simply acting distant/cold to a girl will get you nowhere. Try going to a bar and simply ignoring every girl that walks buy. I guarantee you you will get nowhere fast.

 

MD

 

if you put it that way then yea its a no brainer. But If you build/present your social value to someone you've met or havent met, then that's a different story.

 

But the whole indifference thing works when you're not in a relationship with a girl. Try doing that in a relationship, it'll be over before you know it.

Posted

You don't need to completely stop calling her, but since you know she's unders stress and tends to withdraw when that happens, don't call and IM as frequently as you're doing.

 

If you call and she doesn't answer, leave a message and don't call back again. If she doesn't get back to you in a week, you might try to IM, or drop her an email asking how she's doing. And then don't contact her again!

 

If you never hear from her, then either she is in serious stress mode and doesn't want to talk to anyone, or she's not that into you. Either way, there's no point in you continuing to contact her. She'll either contact you when she gets her head above water, or she won't. She's not going to "forget" you if you don't get in touch with her, unless she wants to.

Posted
By your false logic, I haven't paid any bit of attention to Jessica Alba so therefore her panties must get soaked daily thinking about me because I act like I don't give a damn. If only it were that simple.

 

You need to show interest. You have to show some interest, but you also have to appear to have a bunch of other options. You're right in that you can't be calling a girl all the time telling her she's the best thing since sliced bread. Then she subconsciously starts to think she's too good for the you. The key is, she has to feel like she was lucky to land you as opposed to she let a guy get lucky by landing her. Everyone's always trying to get the best person possible as far as looks, social status, money, etc.

 

At the same time, simply acting distant/cold to a girl will get you nowhere. Try going to a bar and simply ignoring every girl that walks buy. I guarantee you you will get nowhere fast.

 

MD

 

D'accord.

 

What I was trying to say....be more distant distant/cold than you would with less pretty girl. And not too interested.

 

Ignoring every girl in the bar that walks by usally results in their walking by more frequently ;):D

 

I prefer direct approach myself...not these silly games but its good to take some lesson from it.....Its better to be more distant than clingy.

 

The key is, she has to feel like she was lucky to land you as opposed to she let a guy get lucky by landing her. ....Mystery solved...nicely put, Maddog

Posted
A bunch of bull.

 

Reality speaks different. I know it is sad and very disappointing especially for guys but believe me it is the reality.

Posted

I think I'd try the upfront approach. If you noticeably withdraw from her she's going to make assumptions, adn they might not be favorable to you. ie: she might think you're an uncaring azz.

If you keep calling and she feels pressured, then she'll feel you're invading and she won't welcome the intrusion.

 

She sounds like she's going through depression. :( I know I get really closed off when I'm stressed, but the way you describe her actions... not talking to her friends or family.. I'm wondering if this isn't more than just stress.

 

Is there anyway you can talk to her parents? Give them a heads up on their daughters behavior? Assuming she doesn't have horrible parents that are abusive or anything.

 

Plus.. I would tell the gf upfront that I wanted to respect her wishes and wouldn't be contacting her as much. But stress that I do care, that I am always available any time she needs to talk or vent or whatever. But that I was going to leave it up to her to decide if she wanted to accept that help or not. Then I'd back off, and try to busy myself with my own life for a while.

 

This way, I would feel that those who were closest to her were aware there was a problem. Plus she would know I'm there if she needed it. And I'd be respecting her wishes to not talk when she doesn't feel like talking.

 

That's what I would do... but I'd be very worried that she's sinking into depression since she's not just losing interest in you, but in EVERYONE around her.

 

Last thought... if she's in school, they have counseling offices set up to help students. I'd suggest (one time) to her that she talk to them, then give her a number she can call if she wants to. But I'd only suggest it once, and then drop it... If you notice her behavior change dramatically in a short period of time, then get her in to see someone, or get her parents really involved in this. Serious depression is no game.

Posted

[quote=Walk;975807

She sounds like she's going through depression. :( I know I get really closed off when I'm stressed, but the way you describe her actions... not talking to her friends or family.. I'm wondering if this isn't more than just stress.

... If you notice her behavior change dramatically in a short period of time, then get her in to see someone, or get her parents really involved in this. Serious depression is no game.

 

Yep, good advice...be aware of it. Call her in a week and demand a date-talk or visit her in her place. Watch her closely for signs of real depression. If positive, suggest help but treat her normally not like someone insane.

  • Author
Posted

what are signs of depression? her mom knows about the way shes been acting.

 

there was a really noticeable change of behaviour, we were going out all the time having a good time, then one night she got really stressed out and then basically wouldnt talk or didnt want to, it got a little better for a few days then back to crappy. she is now apparently moving out because she cant deal with the stress of living at home(i believe her and her mom were not getting along, before when they were together you would think they were best friends, now, she doesnt want anything to do with her mom from what ive herd).

Posted
what are signs of depression? her mom knows about the way shes been acting.

 

there was a really noticeable change of behaviour, we were going out all the time having a good time, then one night she got really stressed out and then basically wouldnt talk or didnt want to, it got a little better for a few days then back to crappy. she is now apparently moving out because she cant deal with the stress of living at home(i believe her and her mom were not getting along, before when they were together you would think they were best friends, now, she doesnt want anything to do with her mom from what ive herd).

 

Signs of depression? Total burnout. Sometimes people with depression cant even eat properly, dress, hygiene etc. They find pleasure in nothing. Sometimes they cant focus, because they think too hard trying to solve the situation racionally. They dont talk, dont listen to you really etc. It can lead to psychotic symptoms. Try wikipedia.

 

You shouldnt try to solve it or cure her. Give her reassurance of your support now and then. It will go away...tell her so. If it doesnt get any better in 2 months she should seek a doctor.

 

What is reason of her problems with mother? Is she ill or what? Girls (20+) really hating their mothers usually turn out to be seriously emotionaly unstable. Be prepared to leave.

Posted
what are signs of depression? her mom knows about the way shes been acting.

 

there was a really noticeable change of behaviour, we were going out all the time having a good time, then one night she got really stressed out and then basically wouldnt talk or didnt want to, it got a little better for a few days then back to crappy. she is now apparently moving out because she cant deal with the stress of living at home(i believe her and her mom were not getting along, before when they were together you would think they were best friends, now, she doesnt want anything to do with her mom from what ive herd).

 

Try googling "depression" and "symptoms".

 

Otherwise, some of the signs are a withdrawl from friends and family. Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed. Usually tired and lethargic all the time. Eating habits alter, but depends on the person. Some people start eating a LOT more, others will have absolutely NO appetite. uhm... trying to think what else... Moody, irritable, sullen. Oh, and has to last for long than a week. They have a generalized time line for how long the symptoms last in order for it to be "depression" and not just a couple days of being down.

 

THere may be medical reasons for her behavior too. Low thyroid, lack of B12, anemic.. etc. If she hasn't had a check up in a while, see if she'd be willing to go in. Offer to drive her...

 

And suggest to her that she talk to someone who can help her get through the hard times she's going through. Like the school counselor, or a pastor/priest she trusts. I think that would be the most beneficial to her in the long run. If you wrote down the numbers for her to call, offered them to her, and then just suggested that you are worried about her and you would like her to consider talking to someone who could help her. Than hand her the numbers and don't pressure her after that.

 

If she starts talking seriously about giving all her stuff away, or about "leaving" and not coming back... Get her in to talk to a counselor/therapist pronto. And keep close tabs on her if she does start to talk that way...

 

Hopefully this is just stress and a bad point in her life. It's hard when you don't get along with your parents. The stress of moving, and changing your life can really knock someone down for a while... Just keep an eye on her, and offer to be there if she needs you.. but don't try to smoother her with over protection.

  • Author
Posted

her issues with her mom i havnt got into, really its none of my business, could be they got into an argument, then it went sour from there, i know she said her mom has locked her out on more than one occasion.

  • Author
Posted

well i was informed that she is seeing her old boyfriend(by her mom she didnt even have the balls to tell me)

 

i dont understand women, the bf now that she is seeing, was controling, not supportive, she always complained about him to me, and now shes back with him?

 

oh well time to move on

Posted
I think when both sides are in love, there is nothing bad about being "clingy". I like guys who are that way.

 

This is an interesting observation.

 

It would make sense that two people who are in love would not even consider it clingy, but instead consider it random acts of affection. Hmm, this is very good, I'm going to chew on this idea for a while.

 

Cheers!

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