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My confession, but my husband doesnt know.Nor the other man...


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Posted

I think I posted this in the wrong forum, I think this is the right one so here it goes...

 

I need to confess to my husband that I've been having an emotional affair but im too scared. This other man fell in love with me and I did too. This went on for 1 yr and he wants me to marry him. the other man never knew I am married and have a child. I know that the man I married isn't the man for me. The way my husband treats me is horrible. No affection and no love. He gets sex just to shut him up. I am not in love with him. I'm here because I don't think there is anything better for me out there. this other man was my life made me feel so much better and I broke it off. I couldn't stand going out late at night to see him and leaving my child behind with his father. I know this isn't the best mother thing I've done.

 

So I left the other man and I feel like we broke up and depressed. I never had sex with him but I wish I had, there was a point I wanted to give him my all but I couldn't for the sake of my son.

 

Has anyone been through this? Any advice? And I know the ruthless comments that will be given to me. But remember my husband doesn't care about me, i feel like a slave in his eyes!

Posted

Hello,

 

Maybe I am missing something but why don't you simply divorce your husband and marry this other man who wants to marry you. He treats you well and your husband treats you horribly. I suggest you inform the OM about your situation and see if he is still interested in marrying you. What do you have to lose? I wish you luck.

Posted

Giving your history, it seems to me that you may have an issue with male selection.....

 

In other words, why jump out of the frying pan into the fire?

 

Why did you marry in the first place, and what makes you think this other man is going to be any different, or change after vows have been exchanged?

Posted
Giving your history, it seems to me that you may have an issue with male selection.....

 

In other words, why jump out of the frying pan into the fire?

 

Why did you marry in the first place, and what makes you think this other man is going to be any different, or change after vows have been exchanged?

 

Basically you're in what we call the "fog". You've rewritten the history of your marriage because you've allowed this other guy to meet your emotional needs because your husband has failed to do so.

 

I don't expect you to really believe what I'm saying. Stroll on over to marriagebuilders and read a little bit there.

 

You're in dangerous territory here. Are you sure the relationship hasn't been physical??? Seems like if the guy wants to marry you it probably has.

 

I'm not condemning you, because I've been a cheating wife. So, I know exactly what you're thinking. You feel justified because your husband is neglecting you. You're angry at him for the way he treats you. But hon, you're not justified no matter what he's done.

 

If you leave your H for this man, as soon as the new man starts doing things you don't like, you'll be in the same position. As wonderful as he may seem, everyone has their faults. You'll still have problems with the relationship like normal couples do- money, kids, not enough time together etc. After time it won't be as "hot" as it was earlier, and you may grow apart a bit. Marriage is hard work, and every single one of them takes hard work from both partners.

 

You may think it's easier to leave this person than work it out, but it's not. I know from personal experience. Too much history I'm sure you think!

 

Sound familiar??

 

Please try marriage counseling before you divorce and see if your H will wake up and try to work on the marriage. Especially if you have kids.

 

Confess to your H about this guy- it may wake him up! Then, do not talk to him anymore while you work on the marriage. If you're talking to him and allowing him to meet your needs your marriage will not last. NO CONTACT is essential.

 

Again, I've been where you are. If this guy loves you so much he'll still be there after you give your marriage a chance.

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