Tomtabear Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Okay so I'm married and he is too. He finally told me he loved me but doesn't know what he can do about it. I love him too. My husband and him are friends not close but still friends. In the beginning he told me he would never leave his wife. It started out as just a sexual relationship but we have known each other for over ten years as friends. My husband is ill and it will eventually result in his death. I have stayed with him even though we have lived as roommates for many years even before he became sick. My MM knows I can't leave my husband like this he has no one else that would be there for him like I have been. We me and my MM work together. He never wanted to leave his wife because she got him closer to his grandkids. But he was talking about the jobs he worked in the past and said he could go to work at one of his old jobs. I do love my husband enough to stick it out with him and see him through his final days but I'm not in love with him. I don't want my husband to die but I do love this other man with all my heart and soul. Why does everything have to be so hard? And how did I get myself in such a hard predicament? Okay let her rip but please contain the insults.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 You are in a tough situation...I really feel for you...I can't tell from your post what you really want and what you are really asking...it seems like you want people to tell you that you are a horrible person...YOU ARE A PERSON...everyone makes mistakes and sometimes those mistakes hurt people... Life is full of hard decisions and sometimes you make better decisions than others...but that doesn't mean that you can't make better ones in the future...
PoshPrincess Posted November 10, 2006 Posted November 10, 2006 Okay so I'm married and he is too. He finally told me he loved me but doesn't know what he can do about it. I love him too. My husband and him are friends not close but still friends. In the beginning he told me he would never leave his wife. It started out as just a sexual relationship but we have known each other for over ten years as friends. My husband is ill and it will eventually result in his death. I have stayed with him even though we have lived as roommates for many years even before he became sick. My MM knows I can't leave my husband like this he has no one else that would be there for him like I have been. We me and my MM work together. He never wanted to leave his wife because she got him closer to his grandkids. But he was talking about the jobs he worked in the past and said he could go to work at one of his old jobs. I do love my husband enough to stick it out with him and see him through his final days but I'm not in love with him. I don't want my husband to die but I do love this other man with all my heart and soul. Why does everything have to be so hard? And how did I get myself in such a hard predicament? Okay let her rip but please contain the insults. Don't beat yourself up about it! It sounds like you have had an extremely difficult time of it in your marriage and this R you have with MM has given you some happiness and something else to focus on. Does your MM want to be with you exclusively? You say you can't leave your husband but are you prepared to carry on having an A? Could you deal with that? Could your MM? These are some of the questions you have to ask yourself. There is no way I would insult you. Having to care for a termially ill partner (especially when it sounds like you didn't have a particularly fulfilling M before he became ill) must be SO difficult and none of us can possibly understand how hard unless we have been there. You were obviously looking for some love and affection which is what you got from your MM. I feel for you so much but, as I said, please don't beat yourself up about it. As GEL said, you're only human. We are none of us perfect for whatever reasons and we all make mistakes. Take care.
scaredinlove Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Okay so I'm married and he is too. He finally told me he loved me but doesn't know what he can do about it. I love him too. My husband and him are friends not close but still friends. In the beginning he told me he would never leave his wife. It started out as just a sexual relationship but we have known each other for over ten years as friends. My husband is ill and it will eventually result in his death. I have stayed with him even though we have lived as roommates for many years even before he became sick. My MM knows I can't leave my husband like this he has no one else that would be there for him like I have been. We me and my MM work together. He never wanted to leave his wife because she got him closer to his grandkids. But he was talking about the jobs he worked in the past and said he could go to work at one of his old jobs. I do love my husband enough to stick it out with him and see him through his final days but I'm not in love with him. I don't want my husband to die but I do love this other man with all my heart and soul. Why does everything have to be so hard? And how did I get myself in such a hard predicament? Okay let her rip but please contain the insults. You are sticking to your husband and being his friend on a very difficull hour. Don't be hard on yourself you will need strengh. Be strong.
frannie Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 Even though this MM says he loves you and is turning over possibilities in his mind, it may never come to anything (anything like his leaving his marriage, I mean), so I would warn against the kind of thinking that says everything would be OK 'if only'... You have to deal with realities... You're going through a very hard period, with a terminally-ill partner, and one with whom you've had a limited relationship for a long time. Obviously you have needs that aren't being met there, and yet you are, or feel, morally obligated to stay with him. It's a difficult hand to have been dealt and I completely sympathise. Do you get enough time to pamper yourself, and put yourself first..? Do you get time to spend with friends, pursuing hobbies..? Is your husband too ill to join you in activities..?
Sup Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 It's possible that your dying hubby knows of your affair........ Just a question, what would you think, how would you feel if you were dying, and your husband was cheating on you, something to think about. However, I think this will fall on deaf ears.
frannie Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 It's possible that your dying hubby knows of your affair........ Just a question, what would you think, how would you feel if you were dying, and your husband was cheating on you, something to think about. However, I think this will fall on deaf ears. I'll put myself in that position and say that if I'd been living for years with someone as 'brother and sister'... knowing full well we didn't have a full relationship... and I was dying..? That's a double situation in which you start thinking of the other person finding a new partner. It happens. You want to wish them well... hope they find new love that you can no longer give them and haven't for a while in some respects. Of course we have no idea how close to the end the partner is (maybe many years!), but this piling on of guilt into a situation already hurting the OP seems somewhat unecessary and unfeeling. Just my take.
Seen_It_All Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 My husband and him are friends not close but still friends. What a paragon of virtue this MM is. Not only is he cheating on his wife, but he's low enough to be sexually involved with a DYING man's wife. A dying man he considers a friend. Gosh, I can see why you're so attracted to him, TomtaBear. He's a real keeper.
pricillia Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 What a paragon of virtue this MM is. Not only is he cheating on his wife, but he's low enough to be sexually involved with a DYING man's wife. A dying man he considers a friend. Gosh, I can see why you're so attracted to him, TomtaBear. He's a real keeper. maybe this is true, but maybe they needed eachother at a certian point in thier lives. You yourself were in a relationship and you yourself were an OW, not every OW/MM relationship is the same. try not to be so harsh.
Sup Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 I'll put myself in that position and say that if I'd been living for years with someone as 'brother and sister'... knowing full well we didn't have a full relationship... and I was dying..? That's a double situation in which you start thinking of the other person finding a new partner. It happens. You want to wish them well... hope they find new love that you can no longer give them and haven't for a while in some respects. Of course we have no idea how close to the end the partner is (maybe many years!), but this piling on of guilt into a situation already hurting the OP seems somewhat unecessary and unfeeling. Just my take. But, it's the truth.
whichwayisup Posted November 12, 2006 Posted November 12, 2006 It's possible that your dying hubby knows of your affair........ Just a question, what would you think, how would you feel if you were dying, and your husband was cheating on you, something to think about. However, I think this will fall on deaf ears. I was going to pose the same question, actually but decided not to.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2006 Posted November 13, 2006 I think that TTB has probably already asked herself this question and that is part of the reason that she is in pain...
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