shawn_68 Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Feeling down, need to vent, and could use some encouragement ... You read a lot about ex's that come back later down the road. Or at the very least contacting the dumpee to see how he/she is doing. But you know, I think it hurts even WORSE when they never contact you at all. It's been close to a year for me. No contact initiated from her at all. You would have thought I would have been the worst jerk of all to deserve that. Sheesh. But I was a good to her. And it's looking more and more like we'll be nothing but strangers from here on out. I think maybe it's a male ego thing. But somehow I just feel like I never meant anything at all to her. Am I the only one that ever feels this way?
jgaz3124 Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I couldn't agree with you more. It is like that now with my ex although we have been apart for only 3 months we still have not talked in that time and to be honest I don't think that he will ever contact me again. Kinda hurts considering that this man told me he loved me and I was his world and now he wants nothing to do with me. I think it would be nice if me and him could be friends either now or in the future but I guess some things are not meant to be. It sucks that she never contacted you and I do know how you feel.
Author shawn_68 Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 It sucks that she never contacted you and I do know how you feel. Thanks, I think I just needed to vent. And sorry that you're going through this. It will get better. I was just thinking about this last night. I have reached a point that I doubt seriously if I could ever take her back. I couldn't go through what I went through again. In my MIND everything is settled. But in some strange way my heart still wants to be with her. Now THAT sucks.
Art_Critic Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 It sucks that she never contacted you and It does suck... Another thing to remember is that we have a tendency to romanticise the ex and the life they are living right now.. Karma has a way of playing out in a lot of cases.. Your ex most likely isn't as happy as you would believe and might not even be having a good go of things.. Keep this in mind when trying to move on... I know my ex's life has basically sucked since we broke up.... Her life is in constant flux while she runs from her problems.. Jobless.. money issues and moving around seem to be something that she has done a good bit of.. also going thru a guy right after me like he was butter.. No I don't want her back anymore.. but knowing some of those things helped me move on.. I learned that she wasn't worthy of my time or energy anymore Something to consider...
Author shawn_68 Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 Another thing to remember is that we have a tendency to romanticise the ex and the life they are living right now... It's easy to forget these things. Thanks for the insight, AC.
Krying Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 That is my biggest hurt and regret now my relationship is over for good with my ex. That I did not catch on and see that my last face to face with her was really the last. If I could change anything, it would be that night. Not so the outcome would be any different or that she would have stayed with me, but that my last feelings and remembrance of her would be nice things. She treated me like crap, was cold and selfish. That is my regret. I will always have a scar there now from that relationship as my last contact was horrible. So I can totally relate. All I wanted after she left me was a chance to see her and basically say goodbye. But it never happened and it never will now either. Sadly there is nothing I can do to change that. I tried very hard, but she didn't care even when saying she was sorry and didn't mean to hurt me. Her actions just didn't match her words. If she was truly sorry she would have been more sensitive and sad. Life goes on.
JCD Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 You deserve a better girl so consider this break up as her doing you a favor. I think you realized what she was and now you're better prepared to be looking for a girl that has better qualities. That's learning from your mistakes. There are lot of other girls out there so don't lose hope.
LaughMachine Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 It does suck... Another thing to remember is that we have a tendency to romanticise the ex and the life they are living right now.. Karma has a way of playing out in a lot of cases.. Your ex most likely isn't as happy as you would believe and might not even be having a good go of things.. Keep this in mind when trying to move on... I know my ex's life has basically sucked since we broke up.... Her life is in constant flux while she runs from her problems.. Jobless.. money issues and moving around seem to be something that she has done a good bit of.. also going thru a guy right after me like he was butter.. No I don't want her back anymore.. but knowing some of those things helped me move on.. I learned that she wasn't worthy of my time or energy anymore Something to consider... I agree with you art. We do romantisize our ex's life. I have done that as well. Karma is true...Look at kevin's life now. He deserves that and doesn't deserve Britt. Ha going off topic kind of sorry. It's not " I haven't talked to my ex in a year " It's more so " my ex hasn't contacted me in a 1 year ( unless all those hang ups were him. I doubt that because he " happily engagded ". It does suck but sometimes I think that if my ex contacted me, It would only prolong my pain and make me overlook all the WRONG screwed up things about that kid. Those who have hurt you, will have their turn to. But I'm sure when it comes back around to them, you coulden't care less if they were hurting or not. Now It's not abnormal to not be over someone after a year...sometimes a year can feel like only yesterday ya know ? But don't put him on a pedistool. I know It's hard to be the tough girl you want to be because here he is NOT speaking with you...which does leave the ball in his court. But after some time like a year, there are no more games or anything. It's over and even if they never come back, they'll think of you one day.
D-Lish Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 My ex is the king of no contact. I know I will never hear from him again. Sometimes you just have to accept you won't get any closure. It sucks to remember someone in a certain way- as a caring, loving individual...and then see them turn into a cold, insensitive human being seemingly overnight. You have your ups and downs~ good days, then relapses. That's normal. But if they don't have respect enough to give you closure, you have to accept it and make your own.
InvisibleTouch Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 The fact that he or she has been out of our lives with NC for a year or so is a good thing because it shows that they have moved on. It is a clear statement. From that we can plan our futures again and rebuild our lives. Grieving a loved one naturally takes a long time especially when the loss is difficult to comprehend due to the reckless behaviour of the significant other. Taking time is ok. I believe that judging character is so very difficult because there are so many people nowadays pretending to be what they are not. It takes a while for us to break through these fronts before we can see the real person. In relationships these people cant pretend forever, it is impossible, and eventually the real person will start to come through. I think that is the foundation for so much of the pain on here. The fact that one day they love you the next day they are gone and you are worthless. So the question begs, did they really love you in a healthy way in the first place or were they just going through the motions because that is what they thought they should do? Perhaps they are having to learn what love is all about through trial and error. It is also worth remembering that love means different things to different people, and so maybe the aim for us is to find a partner who identifies love the way that we idetify love. Is that not what they call the language of love? One thing is for sure just because we have all experienced rejection it doesn't mean we are flawed. In actual fact it could mean that we are well balanced. The loss, despite our pain is theirs. We know life could have been wonderful if only they had found the strength to let go and come with us. Too bad eh!
Art_Critic Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 My ex is the king of no contact. so was mine.. well Queen anyhow... The loss, despite our pain is theirs. We know life could have been wonderful if only they had found the strength to let go and come with us. On target...When getting over someone that won't speak to you.. you need to remember that it is their loss.. not yours
Stevie840 Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 So the question begs, did they really love you in a healthy way in the first place or were they just going through the motions because that is what they thought they should do? This is so true....my ex-gf didn't know what love is! She told me she loved me very early on in our relationship, I think it's what she tricked herself into believing because it is what she THOUGHT she should be feeling as opposed to what she actually felt. She is apparently just starting a new relationship now and it seems to be following the same pattern of ours....her previous relationship b4 me lasted a year and she broke up with me after.....a year! I definitely think some people follow pre-determined patterns in their relationships
BenThereDunThat Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Invisible - love your post. Very enlightening. I'm going to cut and paste it so I can read it whenever I need to! I'm 37 and still feel like I'm learning through trial and error when it comes to love and relationships.
Teacher's Pet Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 I feel the same way. After all that was said and done...... I was a f***-toy to her. And a damned good one. I guess my batteries ran out and she had to find another. -tp steely dan
LaughMachine Posted November 11, 2006 Posted November 11, 2006 Well I can always give you the batteries from my vibrator, thats if it is still under my bed.. hahaha or in my sock draw? ahh haaha
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