Deborah Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 I'm a divorced single professional mum with a teenage daughter and I've been in a LDR for about two and a half years with my boyfriend, travelling between Scotland and the US every few months during this time. Though we've had difficulties since we began (usually over distance and emotional/physical loneliness), he really means a lot to me and I do love it when we're together. After returning back from the US recently, I felt so alone and found it really hard to settle back down again. I had commitments with my daughter who still lives at home, he did move from LA and live with me for 6 months and tried to find work in TV where his career is but lack of opportunities and a 6 month stay limit meant he had to return. Since then we've both been patient in waiting for a break where we can plan a future together. I reached a moment recently where I said I couldn't cope with being apart anymore. I teach full time and could just about provide for both of us but something inside me is saying that shouldn't be the way. It's not that I want someone to provide for me but I do want someone to provide with me. In an emotional conversation I talked about coming out of the relationship if the future didn't hold much hope of us being together permanently. I know he loves me and I don't have any trust issues but the thought of no light at the end of the tunnel with me here and him in the US with months apart was proving too much. He said if I really loved him I would wait for however long it took....even if that meant forever. Am I being selfish in feeling this way? Does it mean I don't feel the way he feels about me if I'm not prepared to wait forever? My friends think he's handing out emotional blackmail. I'm in my forties and whilst my heart's telling one thing, my head's saying I should move on. I'd appreciate hearing from anyone, especially anyone whose had similar experiences and can offer some advice right now.
sao2 Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 I agree that a long distance relationship without a light at the end of the tunnel is difficult. My girlfriend and I are in a Long-Distance relationship with no "exit plan" so to speak and I do wonder about that often. We did come to a compromise that we would only be this way for a set period of time and then after that time-period we would agree to either set plans in motion to be together or decide to go our own way. What is the possibility that you and your daughter could move to LA? She may not like it, but you are the mum and if it would make you happy she would ultimately be happier that way. If you really do want it to work you should be at least willing to think about that option. Maybe you could both try and start a new life somewhere else, perhaps London or New York, somewhere where you could both find jobs. That's another thing to think about. Anyways these are just some thoughts that I would think about if it were my situation. Good luck
Author Deborah Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 Thanks so much for your thoughts and ideas. My daughter is still half way through a degree course so because she's older, it allows me the opportunities to visit my boyfriend during school holidays. It's worth thinking about an alternative somewhere else which may hold greater possibilities for both of us in terms of work and bringing a more permanent feeling to our relationship. I believe we all need to love and feel loved as humans and agree with you that situations like this are difficult and stressful when you can't be together physically and emotionally all you have is a phone and emails. Part of me is saying I'm willing to wait, however long...another part is unsure about a future with long gaps and short visits. I think part of my anxiousness is that I married as a teenager and having got the reliving my youth bit out of my system following the end of that 20 year marriage, it's not how I'd envisaged my life to remain and I know I'd feel my happiest in a secure steady relationship again. I suppose I'm worried that life's passing me by while I wait and hope that all this will work out for us. I have a good circle of friends....but the dinners for one and peace and quiet kind of get old after a while! For now I'll sit tight and stay positive. I send all the best for your own bright future. Thanks again. Deborah
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