Moai Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 I have noticed something that certain people do with their exes that drives me absolutely nuts. I hope that I can explain it. There are a couple guys I know that every time they run into an exgirlfriend they give them this look--as if to say, "I know you are with him now, but nothing will ever touch what WE had.." and it makes me sick. It is all totally cutesy and lame, and disrespectful to the new guy, I think. And they do it to all of their exes--even if it has been years, and even if they are married! One of the guys, I'll call him Adam, ran into my friends David and Lisa one day. Lisa and Adam had a fling about two years before. Nothing serious, and things ended amicably. Anyway, David and Lisa are walking along holding hands--they were engaged at this point--and up comes Adam. They talk, he lays "the look" on her, and gives off this sort of bashful body language...I wish I could post video! Adam says goodbye, and they part company. David calls me, and says that he hates Adam. I am surprised, as Adam is really a great guy and one of my best friends. David then tells me what happened, and I realize that yeah, I have seen Adam do it. Also keep in mind that I had a thing with Lisa, too, and it was way more serious than the fling she had with Adam. Does David hate me? No. Is he jealous of me? No. Do I give her that weird look? No. I introduced them, in fact. I often go over to their house--they are married and have two beautiul kids now--and talk to Lisa alone and David has no issues at all. Neither do I. I like Lisa a lot, but I have no emotional connection with her anymore. Well, Adam knows David hates him, and he can't figure out why. SHOCKER. I told him it was that stupid look he gives and he claims he has no idea what I'm talking about. A friend of mine does it to my girlfriend. At first it was no big deal, but now it is getting under my skin. I am not jealous, I think that it has more to do with respect. There is no way my girlfriend would go back with him, and he is seeing someone else now, but the look still goes on. My girlfriend does not reciprocate it, either, as she rules, but dammit!!! Is it about not letting go or what? I have exgirlfriends, and while we were together we had some awesome times I'm sure, but now they mean absolutely nothing to me. I don't look back on them fondly, or recall the feelings I had and think of them as "special" or anything. When I see them, there is no feeling at all. Same as looking at or talking to some random chick. Ayone else notice this? Where does it come from? Why do it? And why deny that you are doing it when you are? Am I cold-hearted because I have no feelings for my exes, and that's it?
Guest Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 It could be that you are reading way too much into what he is thinking. I have learned that reading minds is better left to the guys/gals with crystle balls and wearing turbans. Could be he just ate something bad and has indigestion.
norajane Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 I think it's an ego-preservation thing. Guy has to make himself believe he's the best she ever had, and it comes out in that "knowing" look, which he probably makes himself believe is returned (because she looks back at him when he's doing his jedi-mind trick) even thought it's not.
Author Moai Posted November 8, 2006 Author Posted November 8, 2006 It could be that you are reading way too much into what he is thinking. I have learned that reading minds is better left to the guys/gals with crystle balls and wearing turbans. Could be he just ate something bad and has indigestion. I doubt that he has eaten something bad every time I see him, which is a few times a week. Also, when someone is angry it shows on their face, or happy, or sad. A "knowing look" shows, too. Also, these are guys I have been friends with for about fourteen years, so I think that I know them pretty well. It only happens with women they have dated. Not all women, all the time.
CrushedOrgans Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 I think it's an ego-preservation thing. Guy has to make himself believe he's the best she ever had, and it comes out in that "knowing" look, which he probably makes himself believe is returned (because she looks back at him when he's doing his jedi-mind trick) even thought it's not. that might be true. i do know a lot of guys though who would prefer to never see their exes again, and if they did, there would be no look other than disgust or indifference. i guess it depends on what the break-up was caused by. i know my fiance wouldn't give his ex that look, but he doesn't miss her at all and "what they had" he knows was kind of a joke. i don't think he has enough energy to hate her, i think it's just that he doesn't care and it's been so long since then. to me, if a guy goes out of his way to do something like you describe, it has a lot to do with ego...and maybe some unfinished business. when you're over someone, you just don't care anymore.
Kenyth Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 Here's an idea. The problem is with YOU worrying too much about stupid stuff. Really, does what he thinks mean that much to you? Your self confidence needs a pump up. Well, maybe it does mean something to you. You want him to stop? Call him out on it when it happens. Say, "Dude? Are you flirting with my girl? Right in front of me? I can't say I really like that. Cut it out, huh?" Call someone out on their stupidness once and it usually won't happen again. He probably doesn't realize he's even causing trouble.
Author Moai Posted November 9, 2006 Author Posted November 9, 2006 Here's an idea. The problem is with YOU worrying too much about stupid stuff. Really, does what he thinks mean that much to you? Your self confidence needs a pump up. Well, maybe it does mean something to you. You want him to stop? Call him out on it when it happens. Say, "Dude? Are you flirting with my girl? Right in front of me? I can't say I really like that. Cut it out, huh?" Call someone out on their stupidness once and it usually won't happen again. He probably doesn't realize he's even causing trouble. Thanks for the feedback.... I am not "Worrying about stupid stuff" as you put it. I am not worried about it at all, in fact. Just curious about behavior that I don't do that I notice in my friends. It only gets under my skin because of how cheesy it is. It's lame. Also, last night my girlfriend asked if I noticed him doing it, and I told her that I did. It isn't flirting, either. That's the point. It's a "connection/validation" thing. I think that it is weird, as I let my exes go completely and don't think about any of the things we did or how I felt when we were together. I know the two friends of mine who do this don't, as I have seen them through a few breakups since we've been friends. It isn't causing any trouble for me at all--in fact, it makes him look kind of stupid, but that is between the two of them. As far as David and Lisa go, that is up to David. I know that he has a bigger problem with a woman's past than I do.
Kenyth Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 Thanks for the feedback.... I am not "Worrying about stupid stuff" as you put it. I am not worried about it at all, in fact. Just curious about behavior that I don't do that I notice in my friends. It only gets under my skin because of how cheesy it is. It's lame. Also, last night my girlfriend asked if I noticed him doing it, and I told her that I did. It isn't flirting, either. That's the point. It's a "connection/validation" thing. I think that it is weird, as I let my exes go completely and don't think about any of the things we did or how I felt when we were together. I know the two friends of mine who do this don't, as I have seen them through a few breakups since we've been friends. It isn't causing any trouble for me at all--in fact, it makes him look kind of stupid, but that is between the two of them. As far as David and Lisa go, that is up to David. I know that he has a bigger problem with a woman's past than I do. Oh, I guess I misread the situation. I thought you were taking things personally. My apologies if I offend. I can be a bit blunt sometimes.
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