Serendipity_80 Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 so. . . as I updated in my other post. . .before I realized that I should just have started a whole new thread. . . I ended up going to have that dinner with my ex-lover/boyfriend/best friend Sean and his girlfriend, Kate. I thought she was wonderful. . .we both told him (separately) that we'd felt like we'd known each other for years. but. . .*sigh* I am so jealous sometimes. He has even gotten angry with me a couple of times and told me that I sound so bitter. He was the one good thing that I had going on in my life, even if it does seem that he wasn't that good to me at all at times. With my debt, my trying to deal with living with my Grandmother--who, after yelling at me, telling me that she didn't want me around, and that no one else would ever want me. . .and me pulling a steak knife out of the cutlery drawer and holding it to my throat and crying, said "I wish you would". . .my chaotic family relationships, my often frustrating job. . .he was really the rock that was stabilizing my life. And now. . .it isn't as though he is "gone". He told me that on the phone plan that he, his parents and his younger sister share. . .that he and I had used 36% of the minutes the previous month--it is just that . . .well, he'll never be my husband. I'll never have his children. He'll never kiss my forehead and hold me close again. We can be friends for the rest of our lives. . .but, am I destined to always care this much for him? His aunt (who I'd never had the chance to meet), was killed in a horrible car accident this past Friday. I offered to meet him half-way so he didn't have to drive the entire 8 hours home from school . .but his parents told him to stay at school . . .to try to continue on with a semblance of normality. I exchange e-mails with his younger sister frequently, and I told her to let me know if there was anything I could do. I im his youngest sister on occasion, and expressed my sympathies and offered her the same. The next day he told me that his mother wanted me to call her,. . .which I did, early yesterday. She wasn't able to answer the phone. . .but she did call back this morning to tell me the time of the funeral. . .and to ask if I would be able to make it. It seems like such a strange situation to me. I'm trying not to read too much into it. . .but, I couldn't figure out why she would want to talk to her son's ex-girlfriend. Why does she want me at the funeral? I am going. . .because it feels like the right thing to do. . .but, if anything I would think that she would detest the floozy that was fooling around with her son. . .and that still can't be bothered to move on. check out the other thread "I thought it was love". . .if you wanna read about the "date" with Sean and Kate. I tried to copy and paste, but I couldn't make it do it.
phyrespryte Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 It seems like such a strange situation to me. I'm trying not to read too much into it. . .but, I couldn't figure out why she would want to talk to her son's ex-girlfriend. Why does she want me at the funeral? I am going. . .because it feels like the right thing to do. . .but, if anything I would think that she would detest the floozy that was fooling around with her son. . .and that still can't be bothered to move on.. I wouldn't go. His mother probably likes you better than the new girl, but that doesn't mean anything. She can't control who he dates. Why are you trying to be his best friend? So what if he's not feeling well. He's been treating you like crap for such a long time. He's got a family, he's got a new girlfriend (even though she sounds awful), he's got people that will help him through this. You don't need to be his savior. You don't even know the aunt! Why don't you cut off contact with him and give yourself a chance to get over him?
Author Serendipity_80 Posted November 8, 2006 Author Posted November 8, 2006 Thank-you for your comment. His mother hasn't even met the new girlfriend yet. . .and won't until he brings Kate home for Thanksgiving. I like his family, they've been kind to me, and I enjoy their company. Why am I trying to be his best friend? Sometimes I ask myself that. . .and then I have a random conversation, where we don't talk about the past, like yesterday when we debated political topics before I went to vote. . .he cares for me, I care for him . . .is the world such a wonderful place that I should give up on this amazing connection that he and I have? What do you mean Kate sounds awful? I don't even remember saying much about her :-( Have I been being bitter again? I don't know the aunt. . .but I know his family. And he won't be at the funeral. I am going to be there for his sisters and his mother (whose sister it is). I'm afraid to cut off contact. Because I have so little right now. . .I don't want to lose what I do have, even if it is only a shadow of what it once was. It's just. . .he is so good with words. . .and tends to be so cruddy with following through with them. He promises me that he will always be at my side. . .always be there for me. But. . .he once told me that he was in love with me. . .and took that back. Now he just tells me that he loves me. *sigh* I'm sorry to be so complicated.
Moai Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 Why am I trying to be his best friend? Sometimes I ask myself that. . .and then I have a random conversation, where we don't talk about the past, like yesterday when we debated political topics before I went to vote. . .he cares for me, I care for him . . .is the world such a wonderful place that I should give up on this amazing connection that he and I have? First let me say, I am not trying to be mean.....but as a guy, I can see some things that are HUGE red flags.... There is no reason for you to be friends with this guy. Period. You want more, he never will. And that's it. you can hyperanalyze his behavior and torture yourself if you want to, but you can either resign yourself to a life of torture or move on NOW. It is all up to you. You mentinoed that he hasn't always treated you great. That right there should tell you to move on. Everyone in your life--friends, boyfrineds, etc. should treat you like gold ALL THE TIME. You should treat yourself like that, too. From what I have read, the connection you have is not so amazing. You may not have that many people in your life with whom you can rap with, but trust me, there are literally MILLIONS of people you can have the same thing with. Just go out and try. Meet as many people as you can, all the time, and you'll see that I am right. The "connection" that you are afraid to lose is not a connection at all. It is just talking to a person you have something in common with as far as certain topics go. That's it. Someone you have a good connection with treats you great all the time. All the time. Don't settle for less. Relax, be yourself, and focus on other people and other things. This guys isn't that special, and you deserve someone who will give you a great connection but won't reject your heart. You deserve to be happy! So why settle? Go out and get what you deserve...life is too short to worry about one (essentially) random person thinks of you, or whether he wants you or not. It is HIS loss, not yours. Go out and find the guy that is searching for YOU. He is out there. But you won't meet him as long as you have anything to do with this guy.
JCD Posted November 9, 2006 Posted November 9, 2006 "...you deserve someone who will give you a great connection but won't reject your heart." This is so true and it takes a while to sink in because you think that what you have with this person you can't have with anyone else. But you can and will if you meet lot of people, someone will give you the connection and his heart. You need to convince yourself of that.
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