Guest Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Background: My wife and I have been married for 7 years and together for 9. We went through two divorces to get together in the first place. I love her more than anything in the world and I think she loves me too. She's loving, loyal, and everything you could ever want including beautiful. The problem: Me. I wanted to be #1. It wasn't enough to have just married her, I wanted it all. And I resented everything else that took her attention most of all her daughter. I realize now what an ass I've been all these years (after just one couselling session) and I'm willing to change it all. But she left 4 days ago. I'm an emotional and physical wreck. And I realize I've done untold damage to her. She moved in with her sister and her husband. Additionally, she sent her daughter to live with her ex in California (we live in Arizona which is another problem - she longs for California in a very bad way). The reason was that he asked that they save about $2,000 in braces by covering her with both of their insurance plans. His didn't travel to Arizona, hers did travel to California. Since her daughter has been gone (about 4 months now), my wife has been increasingly depressed and withdrawn. Of course, the more she disappeared, the more I chased her. Again, I'm an idiot. More: When she left, she only took clothes, makeup, and her laptop for school. Nothing else. She did tell the kids (my two) that she was going to her sister's so that her and I could resolve some issues but she did tack on the end "if they can be resolved". But she basically told me that she'd emotionally moved on a long time ago. I think that's partially true but I also think she still loves me. This comes as a shock to me and everybody who knows her. I knew she was unhappy but I was too stupid to change and now I couldn't be a sorrier piece of human waste. Her sister says she never complained about me and the ex was as surprised as anybody. As far as I know, she hasn't told anyone why she's there including her daughter. Your take: Does she just need space or is she too far gone? Does she love me and is detaching so she can move to California to be with the rest of her family? Can I fix it? I'm willing to (and have already): Establish a sincere, loving relationship with her daughter (I talk to her every night on the phone now - I tell her I love her and she tells me she loves me). Support her relationship with her daughter. Allow her to do whatever she wants whenever she wants and never smother her again. Take frequent trips to see her family. I'm even willing to move to California to make her happy. Basically, I'll do anything. Input is greatly appreciated. Thank you to anyone who will read and reply to this.
Gunny376 Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 You've got yourself a WAW! A "walk-away-wife" The Walk-away Wife Syndrome By Michele Weiner-Davis Did you know that of the over one million marriages that will end in divorce this year, two thirds to three quarters of those divorces will be filed for by women? What is this so-called, "Walk-away Wife" syndrome all about? In the early years of marriage, women are the relationship caretakers. They carefully monitor their relationships to make sure there is enough closeness and connection. If not, women will do what they can to try to fix things. If their husbands aren't responsive, women become extremely unhappy and start complaining about everything under the sun... things that need to get done around the house, responsibilities pertaining to the children, how free time is spent and so on. Unfortunately, when women complain, men generally retreat and the marriage deteriorates even more. After years of trying unsuccessfully to improve things, a woman eventually surrenders and convinces herself that change isn't possible. She ends up believing there's absolutely nothing she can do because everything she's tried hasn't worked. That's when she begins to carefully map out the logistics of what she considers to be the inevitable, getting a divorce. While she's planning her escape, she no longer tries to improve her relationship or modify her partner's behavior in any way. She resigns herself to living in silent desperation until "D Day." Unfortunately, her husband views his wife's silence as an indication that "everything is fine." After all, the "nagging" has ceased. That's why, when she finally breaks the news of the impending divorce, her shell-shocked partner replies, "I had no idea you were unhappy." Then, even when her husband undergoes real and lasting changes, it's often too late. The same impenetrable wall that for years shielded her from pain, now prevents her from truly recognizing his genuine willingness to change. The relationship is in the danger zone. If you are a woman who fits this description, please don't give up. I have seen so many men make amazing changes once they truly understand how unhappy their wives have been. Sometimes men are slow to catch on, but when they do, their determination to turn things around can be astounding. I have seen many couples strengthen their marriages successfully even though it seemed an impossible feat. Give your husband another chance. Let him prove to you that things can be different. Keep your family together. Divorce is not a simple answer. It causes unimaginable pain and suffering. It takes an enormous amount of energy to face each day. Why not take this energy and learn some new skills and make your marriage what you've wanted it to be for so long? If you're a man reading this and your wife has been complaining or nagging, thank her. It means she still cares about you and your marriage. She's working hard to make your love stronger. Spend time with her. Talk to her. Compliment her. Pay attention. Take her seriously. Show her that she's the most important thing in the world to you. Perhaps your wife is no longer open to your advances because she's a soon-to-be walkaway wife. If so, read the posts on the divorcebusting.com messageboard. Don't crowd her. Don't push. Be patient. If you demonstrate you can change and she still has eyes... and a heart, you might just convince her to give your marriage another try. [COLOR=#0000ff]Read More of Michele's Articles[/COLOR] 2006 Copyright - Michele Weiner-Davis. All rights reserved. You might want to call them Schedule a consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach 800-664-2435 303-444-7004 and check out the following site http://www.marriagebuilders.com/
Mz. Pixie Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 He's got a walk away wife, because she was walking away from her other husband to be with him. Notice the first part "We both left marriages to be together" So, she cheats WITH you and you don't think she'd cheat ON you or get tired of you like she did her other H and begin to move on???
Guest Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 He's got a walk away wife, because she was walking away from her other husband to be with him. Notice the first part "We both left marriages to be together" So, she cheats WITH you and you don't think she'd cheat ON you or get tired of you like she did her other H and begin to move on???She only lasted 2 years in that marriage. She's been suffering for almost 9 years in this one. She tried everything. I messed up. -wp
Guest Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 Yay! She wants to get together for dinner Friday so we can talk about what we need to do to make it work. -wp
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