bab Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 So, how exactly does this work. My husband's birthday is coming up, and I'd like to get him something, but it could cost as much as $500. Since we joined our finances, it's "our" money now, and I would normally discuss such a large purchase with him beforehand. Of course I could put it on one of the credit cards, but the payment would eventually come out of the joint checking. I know that we aren't even close to the first people to deal with this, but it just seems strange. What techinques do others use to make it work?
a4a Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I don't know we keep sep. accts. It may not be a bad idea for you to open one for just such a reason...... or some rainy day money.... vacation acct. No need to hide it from him just you should have your own money to spend in a way you would like to. As long as your bills are paid and neither of you going without I don't see a thing with having a private stash for emergency or fun. Perhaps you need to chat with him and see how he feels. Maybe take 5% of your pay and stick it in this new acct. for fun or gifts. savings.........
Walk Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 My exh and I had joint finances, and it really caused a ton of problems. I suggest getting seperate accounts for things like bday's and holidays and special occasions, and the joint account is for bills and "couple" things. Figure out a percentage that can be kept aside for the personal accounts and pool the remainder for the bills and expenses. That way each of you will feel you still have some independence in your spending habits. And won't end up feeling like you just paid for your own gift if the money is pulled from the joint account. Trust me though.. pooling ALL your money will lead to arguments at some point. And it's not like the money in your seperate accounts is being held by a foreign legion or something, so if a vacation was what both of you wanted you could still pool both joint accounts for the trip.
Moose Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Wish I could help......she sees something, she buys it.....I don't ask....
princessa Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 If you really feel you need his approval for such a large purchase, how about just asking him if it's ok to go over budget on his gift.. it's not like you have to tell him WHAT you're buyig him.
sumdude Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I'm with Walk. It's best to have 3 accounts. Your own checking accounts and a joint account for bills, rent and food. That way no one gets the big surprise when a check is written on an account that is empty from the others check written the same day.
Marquis-de-Carabas Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 I'm with Princessa on this one. My hubby and I have been married 7 years and we've got one shared account. We have a set agreement: If the person wishes to spend over X amount of dollars, the other person must know beforehand. Tell him that you would like to spend over the agreed-upon amount for his birthday. You do not need to tell him what it is, just what the amount would be. We usually agree upon an amount that we would spend on each other for special occasions. Last Christmas he got some woodworking tools that he wanted which were wayyyy over that amount and we agreed on it before hand. I know that meant that is wasn't a suprise, but he was happy to get them anyways.
Author bab Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 Thanks for the ideas. I'm sure it will just end up not being a suprise anyway. We've talked about having separate accounts, but for now I think we are going to keep the joint. For us, I think it would be more complicated to have separate accounts, and more likely to cause strife. So far (all 5 months )the gift thing is the only thing that has been an "issue" with a joint checking. Before we were married we had separate accounts but shared expenses. I didn't like having to remember who paid of dinner last time, or making sure that I wrote him a check for a certain bill. He makes more than I do, but has a more expensive hobby, so it all pretty much comes out in the wash. At the same time I certainly don't see anything wrong with having separate accounts, and maybe we will at some point. We are going to see how many massive heart attacks I have when the bank account drops for his hobby. If I can't handle it, then we are going to go to separate.
a4a Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Well you each should have your own hobby accts. then. so much easier and you totally can avoid any fights. figure out your bills make sure that much goes into the joint acct. with padding......... agree that no hobby money comes out of the joint acct. add 1 savings acct. even if it is only $20 a week each. (you can invest this once you get a little sum saved up.... simple as CDs even) The rest into your sep. hobby accts. Use this for dinners, play, vacations, gifts.
alphamale Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 What techinques do others use to make it work? money laundering is a superb way to go. i know of a small "financial institution" in Bermuda that may be able to help you.
Author bab Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 money laundering is a superb way to go. i know of a small "financial institution" in Bermuda that may be able to help you. What an excellent idea!
Author bab Posted November 7, 2006 Author Posted November 7, 2006 Well you each should have your own hobby accts. then. so much easier and you totally can avoid any fights. figure out your bills make sure that much goes into the joint acct. with padding......... agree that no hobby money comes out of the joint acct. add 1 savings acct. even if it is only $20 a week each. (you can invest this once you get a little sum saved up.... simple as CDs even) The rest into your sep. hobby accts. Use this for dinners, play, vacations, gifts. If we did do this, we would probably put just enough in to cover his hobby plus a small amount for future gifts. I think I'd want anything that we are doing together, like dinners, plays, and vacations to come out of the joint. A friend of my husband who has the same hobby has a similar system with his wife, where they have separate "fun money" accounts. Last summer his wife went to Europe for a couple of weeks and left him at home, because he'd spent all his fun money on his hobby! I personally think this is hilarious.
quankanne Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 my credit union has something called "vacation" and "Christmas" accounts, where money can be put aside for special use, even if it's a joint checking account. That might be one way to set aside for future purchases. for now, though, just bounce the idea off him that you may go over set budget for his gift. If it helps, you can say it's a combined birthday/christmas gift, which works out well if he's got a holiday birthday ... that's what we do, invest in something big and say it's our holiday/birthday gift to each other.
a4a Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 Money is so under-discussed in marriage......how to save it, how to make more, and how to spend it. Bab ask him what he would like to do. My guess is that he would love to spend his hobby money without your approval....... and if you end up in Europe alone on vacation you can use your hobby money to get him a t-shirt from the vacation without asking his permission to do so.
Recommended Posts